Author: Maximilian

I don’t personally dip; however, it has always boggled my mind how people who are addicted to such vices can go to the field every week and forget to bring the very substance they covet so dearly. It seems like every time we were in the field, a severe shortage of tobacco products occurred almost immediately upon arrival. Marines skulked the formation of packs waiting for someone to pull out a can, a carefully selected bum akin to a vulture, circling its dead or wounded meal before landing and taking.

My vice? Caffeine. I accounted for this, however, and would bring strategically placed caffeinated items such as gum or energy “shots” along with me. It’s not hard to plan for, typically you know how long a field op is going to be and, as any good Marine should, plan accordingly to what they may need. Perhaps dip should be placed on the gear list, in order to remind those otherwise incapable of reminding themselves.

No matter the suggestions, there will always be those that forget to bring their tobacco. When asked why they forgot it, they almost always reply, “I gave it all to other people.”

Similar, then, is the idea that there are no thieves in the Marine Corps–just those trying to get their shit back.

As for my obligatory random nude Marine in body-armor theme we apparently have going now–I will leave you with this image posted by Sam Dreyer:

Probably my worst memories of garrison life were at the local Armory in beautiful Kaneohe Bay. The amount of hours we spent there as a company and a platoon were probably the equivalent to many months of real time. For as much as I can remember of my bootest of years, we spent just about every day at the armory in some form or another when we weren’t in the field. There was a week straight where we spent 6 hours every day cleaning the same weapons. You can only clean an M4, M16, SAW or otherwise so much before you start stripping the black off if it. More recently, after my first deployment, we spent 13 straight hours at the Armory, we were there until 2300 cleaning weapons because supposedly someone important was going to inspect our armory.

The cleaning isn’t necessarily the worst part, but the idea of being there is what bothers me. The atmosphere, it just reeks of misery and crushed dreams outside of that cold, stone building. Worst yet, standing in what seems like a line that never moves when you come in from a field op or otherwise, everyone rushing to the window to turn their weapons in simultaneously, as if over the years they haven’t discovered that the window is only physically capable of receiving one weapon at a time.

Anyway, outside of horrible Armory memories, Terminal Lance #59 went on print sale earlier this week on eBay. Check out the listing here. They will make a fantastic gift for any drill instructors you may know! There are only 5 left though, so make sure you get on that asap.

Also, I thought of doing something specifically special for #69… but then I remembered I’m not a hardcore porn site, and carried on with my life.

It is absolutely too common amongst Marines that they substitute… words… for some kind of generic filler such as “fuckin’” or “freakin’”. While I understand that not all NCO’s and below go through any kind of speech course, perhaps a general expansion of the vocabulary would fix this problem substantially. More often than not, Marines just can’t think of what to say fast enough, and at the risk of looking stupid in front of their peers, they substitute language for things like “fuckin’”. This isn’t necessarily exclusive to Marines, but can perhaps be considered a lower form of “SNCO Syndrome,” as depicted here.

While SNCO Syndrome really takes time to develop, one can say that it is this lack of proper vocabulary that ultimately results in acute SNCO Syndrome.

In all reality, I’m really just poking fun at one of the many humorous constants of the Marine Corps: poor language amongst Marines. I doubt it will ever go away, and it is partially what makes Marines so lovable. I think one of the many reasons that Marines in general are such great people is the absolute simplicity in which they operate. The word “fuck” can have so many different meanings, yet it really only means one thing. It’s truly fascinating to see one vulgar, 4-letter word turn into the cynosure of an entire vocabulary.

While I won’t discount the notion of malingering being a real phenomenon within the Corps, I think it is often overtly accused by higher command when they want something out of you. This is an entirely true story, almost word for word, that happened in my platoon. Our platoon sergeant and platoon commander at the time had literally accused everyone of malingering, while they themselves were actually light duty, as they told us literally within 5 minutes of the accusation.

I do think there are a lot of light duty warriors, we all know them–the guys that are always at medical, thinking of anything they can to remain on light duty, skipping out on field ops, etc. However, every once in a while–in our exorbitantly physical field of work–people get hurt and need some time to recover. It always comes as a shock the people in charge, to think that Marines may actually need a break after two weeks straight of 10 mile death-runs–while they themselves will often take whatever breaks they want.

In site news, you may have noticed that the internet has apparently become broken for a lot of people. Air Force Blues and Terminal Lance were both noticeably struck with attacks of the viral kind. The site is back to normal now, I was on top of it fairly quickly, and had the site back up in no more than an hour of time once I found the solution to the problem. You may also notice today’s late update. To this I tell you, I have yet to truly adjust to my new schedule. I spend about 12-13 hours a day on campus so I don’t typically have time to work during the week. I’ll get it the hang of it eventually, but you will all just have to bear with me for a bit longer.

On that note, I hope you all have a good weekend, and suck it the fuck up.

Also, this guy is the man, known as “LCpl Jones” uploaded to the FB fanpage by Stephen Rivera:

In all honesty, I’m not sure whether or not this strip is about how much single Marines hate married ones for not having to field day, or if it’s addressing the more serious issue of infidelity amongst spouses and fellow Marines in the Marine Corps. Either way, hopefully its funny.

I think in all obviousness, Marines get married at a very young age more often than not. What do you get when you get a young, sexually inexperienced female in the height of her beauty; stick her in a fenced environment surrounded by attractive, fit, and most likely sexually-starved men? Common sense would dictate nothing good. Yet still, it’s always a surprise and the talk of the platoon when you hear about someone’s wife sleeping around behind his back while he’s deployed or otherwise. I’m not saying its right, and as a married man I obviously don’t support it, but it makes sense. And still, it comes as a shock to some to hear how high the divorce rates are in the Marine Corps.

On the subject of married Marines not field-daying, well there’s not a whole lot to say there–other than it’s an understandable annoyance for those stuck in the barracks through no fault of their own. I think it’s a serious problem in the Marines, the idea that the married ones are generally treated much better than the single ones. It is one of the primary reasons Marines get married in the first place, to improve their own quality of life by getting out of the barracks and not having to deal with the bullshit. But, as marriage rates go up, obviously divorce rates will as well.

There will always be that fine balance of divorce and marriage in the Marine Corps, and the military as a whole. I think an important step the chain of command needs to take is to address the issues of life quality amongst single Marines, and stop giving special treatment to the married ones.

I doubt that will happen any time soon, but it never hurts to hope right?

I’ve never gotten a moto-tattoo before. However, I imagine that for the Marines that do this act of devotion fresh out of bootcamp, the scenario goes something like this.

Marines love tattoos. Pro-tip though: Don’t get a moto-tattoo fresh out of bootcamp. Wait a few years, if you still love it then by all means go for it. But please, save yourself the embarrassment of removing your shirt in front of other Marines by just avoiding it until future notice.

Given that Marines do in fact love tattoos. I can only wonder how many tattoo artists around San Diego–and other nearby cities to large bases–see boot Marines going to get EGA’s permanently engraved on their bodies, with juvenile moto statements like “One Shot, One Kill” and don’t say anything to them. I’m sure they’ve caught on by now, Marines are easy business, and I bet they get some kind of enjoyment out of it as well.

Moto tattoos are a magical thing, but be smart about them. More often then not, you may in fact regret the idea of an Eagle, Globe and Anchor (or even a baby Jesus) etched into your flesh by ink and metal.

On an admin note, be advised the site has been acting up lately. I’m not sure what it is, I’m looking into it. Just know that it has been dropping on and off over the last couple of days and hopefully will clear up soon.

In regards to my 0341 friends… no one knows what you guys actually do. The Mortarmen are easily the most precarious species of the Weapons breed. It’s easy to see Machinegunners at work, aloft in turrets in our many tactical vehicles or in some other bunkered down position behind a crew-served machine gun. Assaultmen, though slightly more dubious in nature, are also easy to notice at work, either down range launching rockets, demolitions or behind the armory doing gun drills with a SMAW. Our tube-stroking friends however are mysterious, taking their mortar systems and setting up out of sight, typically. When you do get a glimpse of them, it could be mistaken for some kind of dark ritual; laden with strange sticks in the ground, people yelling and running frantically in their drills.

During training though, it’s often that Mortarmen simply disappear. Whenever the platoon or company is training, it is always the Mortars go off in their own way, far away from the embedded Assault or Guns sections–to only be seen again after the range is declared cold.

Mortarmen are a strange animal, and I believe they are impossible to characterize as a result of their mysterious ways.

I don’t have a whole lot else to say, I think the new oddly placed hours of my classes and lack of sleep are getting to my brain. With that I bid thee farewell, and I will see you all on Friday!

Today I decided that instead of making fun of the Marine Corps I would make fun of myself. I doubt I’m the only one that’s ever had this problem, but I find that now that I’m out of the Marines and in school and all, I find myself really wanting to tell people about what I did–whether they asked to hear about it or not. Though this is obviously an exaggeration, I think rightly so, it’s very difficult to keep something like that to yourself.

A tour through the Marine Corps is such a unique, odd, and life-changing experience that it’s hard to ignore it once you’re out. It’s like some kind of duty afterward, some need to make sure that people know you’ve seen the world, to explode into a Marine Corps “OMG I WAS IN TEH MARINE CORPS I DID THIS” every time the opportunity arises.

I believe this will become a new recurring series of mine for Terminal Lance “Life After EAS”; for those of us that made the trek through checking out and lived.

Though it should be obvious from today’s strip, I finished my first week of school yesterday and found that it is a very different animal. Suddenly, 18 years old seems innocent and simple. I feel like an old man, weathered and grizzled from too many seasons. The Freshmen inhabiting my classes feel like children, lost and carefree in their continued experience of institutional schooling. It is definitely different, but interesting nonetheless. I must apologize also for my late update, it turns out 15 credits is a lot of school and I am slightly overrun by the workload I’m undertaking. Regardless, more credits means more money paid to the school for the GI Bill (in a private school), so it’s ultimately more cost effective to pursue such an endeavor.

In other site news, the Terminal Lance #30 strips sold out last week, and there are still 5 prints left of Terminal Lance #10 “Lance Corporal Hand Signal” for you to buy and put up in your room for field day inspections. Purchase them here.

On that note, I will see you all on Tuesday. Remember, if it looks like shit, smells like shit, it probably is shit. Don’t be the one to step in it. (Courtesy of my old Co. 1st Sgt, 1st Sgt Darden)

For as long as I remember being a Marine, I remember having a hate/hate relationship with CIF (Consolidated Issue Facility)–AKA: Satan’s gear locker. CIF is run by civilians, and it’s a pain in everyone’s ass. The system for losing gear with CIF is so mind-numbingly tedious and complicated that they themselves will encourage you to steal what you’re missing from someone else.

I am not full of any shits on this. When I was checking out to go on Terminal, I was missing those black glove shells. You know? The black glove shells? The ones that you’ve probably never used? Yeah, those things are about $30. Money be damned, I take full responsibility for losing them. 4 years in the Marine Corps infantry with 2 deployments to Iraq will see some gear come and go. However, when I told the receptionist that I was checking out and I would be on Terminal in three days time; his actual suggestion from me was that I “get them from someone”. Well, that was after I told him I didn’t have time to jump through the hoops suggested in today’s strip.

To give the employees of CIF some credit though, I doubt the obstacle course of paperwork is their fault. I’m assuming the system itself was thought up by the same great minds that decided your hands can’t go in your pockets when it’s 40 degrees outside and windy.

Outside of CIF, with a new week comes a new print on sale for you all. A high res, glossy print of Terminal Lance #10, autographed by the creator is available now on eBay. There are only 10 prints for sale! Limit one per customer, and yes, I can ship to FPO/AP addresses for you salt dogs overseas. I think this print is long overdue, something you can display proudly in your barracks room during field day inspections. Let First Sergeant know you already know you won’t get promoted, and you don’t care, by displaying this with pride. View the prints for sale here.

Something else that it long overdue is me posting these photos from my home battalion, 3rd Battalion 3rd Marines, currently in Afghanistan. A couple of months ago, Combat Artist Michael Fay spent a month overseas with them and brought back some Terminal Lance photos to share. These are straight from downrange, Marines throwing up that hand signal (slightly modified). I’m glad to see that Marines everywhere are enjoying the comic, and that they’re just as proud as I was to be a Terminal Lance.

Unfortunately I don’t have full caption info for these Marines, but if you spot a buddy on there feel free to email it to me and I’ll throw it up here.

Remember, being a “Terminal Lance” doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a Lance Corporal. You just have to be a Marine. A Marine that can see through the bullshit. I’ve met plenty of good honest SNCO’s in my time that I would consider Terminal Lances. Any Marine can be one, so please, don’t let the rank fool you. Throw up that hand signal and be proud!

On that note, I’ll see you all on Friday.

I mentioned before I don’t typically like to use pop-culture references in my jokes. For the most part, I feel this way because in order for it to be funny, target audience has to be familiar with what you’re talking about. For those of you unfamiliar with “Double Rainbow Guy”, please, take a look at this video (Note: Must be appreciated with audio):

I’ve been getting quite  a bit of enjoyment out of this video lately, so I figured I’d share it with you all. As well, I really wanted to do a follow up sequel to Terminal Lance #22, which is a fan favorite. I think picking on officers from the lower enlisted standpoint is pretty easy, and hence good humor universally throughout a platoon or company. After all, if you can’t all make fun of your higher ups in command of you, what are you going to make fun of? And officers, don’t take it personally. It is as they say: if you’re not being made fun of by your platoon, you’re doing it wrong.

With that said, I don’t want officers to get the wrong idea here. I never really hated them, but like I mentioned, they are easy targets. Still though, in all reality, the Captain (or “Skipper” for you salt dogs) is always the last one to the formation. Usually about 30 minutes later than he originally called for. Some people blame this on “Gunny Time”, but personally I think they just have problems being punctual. God forbid though, the day you’re late to see him–your ass will be non-rec’d and Page 11’d faster than a female in the grunt barracks realizes she probably made a bad decision.

In other site news, there’s still 4 more prints left of Terminal Lance #30 located here on eBay. Check it out! As always, the prints are hand autographed and numbered by myself, the creator of Terminal Lance.

I start my classes at CCA next week, which I’m pretty excited about. The orientation got me all school moto, but I’m sure that will die once I’m laden with 30lbs of assignments due before morning. Word to the wise though regarding the GI Bill for those of you getting out soon and “going to school”:

Don’t rely on the GI Bill to save your ass, it’s slow and tedious getting everything working in harmony. Have savings set aside for moving in and first month’s rent, and enough to get you through the month. Remember, the GI Bill pays you for the month once the month is OVER–which is great, seeing as rent is usually due on the first. -_-

Well until next time, gents. Keep your dicks clean and your socks changed… or something.