Author: Maximilian

As I recall, I believe most of my time in the Marine Corps was spent looking forward to what lay ahead. Often times, these visions and optimistic ideas of what the future held proved themselves to be untrue. It seemed like no matter where I was in my 4 year enlistment, I was always looking forward to the next thing, because the current thing always sucked. Eventually, I realized this is just how the Marine Corps is. The current thing always sucks, but you stick around because you have the idea that it will get better. It usually doesn’t, but it’s good to have dreams.

After doing some Facebook recon, I’ve decided I will sell prints of Terminal Lance #30, the Lance Corporal Food Pyramid. Look forward to this strip going on sale this week! As well, I will try to add some new things to the Terminal Lance Store this week, shirts of sorts.

Things are about to start getting busier for me, and I’m very happy about it. This summer has dragged on long enough, I would like to start my classes already and be done with it. Once again though, things are always better when you’re looking forward to them. I’m sure, much like the Marine Corps, I’ll be looking forward to the term to end once I’m actually in the swing of things. However, I prefer to remain optimistic regarding this. I feel like my art has gotten rusty, and I’m looking forward to a good refresher.

On the note of art, I have a few projects up my sleeve. For one, I have an idea for a series of oil paintings. I don’t know what I’ll do with them, or what they’ll be for, but I’m going to do them regardless. Marine Corps oil paintings… I’ll be sure to put them up on the site when they’re finished–possibly even put them up for sale if I deem it worth it. In any case, look forward to some more updates soon.

At this point I’m just kind of rambling to myself, but all is well in Terminal Lancedom. My wife and I are settled in our new apartment, to include Charlie the Dog. On a lighter note, we found a live turtle in the parking lot today. Being the softy I am, I took it in and ended up releasing it to a habitat of ponds and lakes shortly after. There was a man fishing next to me when I did, eying whatever mysterious activities I was doing. I told him, “I found it in the parking lot.”

He said, “Well, I guess that’s your good deed for the day then!” with a smile.

I know it’s really boot to bring up bootcamp, but so many funny and stupid things come out of there it’s hard to resist. One specific thing I remember being especially stupid was the “knife-hand”*. Never, anywhere in the Marine Corps, have I ever seen the knife-hand so flagrantly used. I always took note, however, that the higher the knife-hand is on the drill instructor, the more pissed off he is. The knife-hand itself not actually even pointing at the victim, but sometimes even directly at the sky in front of their face.

So I don’t officially get internet installed in my apartment until tomorrow, but I decided it was time to bring in another strip and try to start returning things to normal around here. Thankfully, the Starbucks a block away has been a great help in all my internet endeavors.

I have some plans for the site once I do have regular access to internet, and I’m working on some special things. Stay tuned in the following weeks for some new additions. I don’t actually start classes for another couple of weeks, so hopefully I can get some work done once I finally get some internet up and running again.

*For those of you unfamiliar with the “Knife-Hand”, it is a very repeated and mind-numbing thing you are forced to do with your hands in bootcamp. The definition of which, five-fingers straight and aligned, as depicted by the comic. You had to turn your hands into knives for just about every activity involving your hands, from pushups to MCMAP. I’ve heard justification for the knife-hand ranging from saluting to how you’re supposed to point at things in middle-eastern countries.

Well I still have no internet in my new apartment, but that doesn’t stop me from sitting in my car in a closed Starbucks parking lot and connecting via free WiFi!

I’m sure I look shady as fuck, but regardless, I came here to drop off this little bit of Terminal Lance goodness for you all. It’s not quite the real thing, but something to show you all I still love you. I don’t have a whole lot to say regarding this sketchbook entry, but look forward to this shirt entering the Terminal Lance store once I have the interwebs hooked up in my new apartment.

In any case, hopefully I’ll be up and running again soon. See you shortly.

Haircuts are a big part of Marine Corps culture. Whether you’re a reg-thumper, shit bag, blue falcon, or just a Marine; the few choices a Marine actually has in the selection of a haircut can say a lot about that individual. More importantly though, whether you like it or not, you’ll have to pay for this cranial sodomy every weekend, lest one wants a good ass chewing come Monday morning.

I’ve never been a proponent of the weekly haircut system. Not because I don’t want to look squared away, but because I don’t want to spend $6-10 every weekend for some random (and always foreign for some reason) asshole to ruin what little hair I’m allowed to have. It’s really more of a money thing than anything. Lets do the math here:

Let’s say a haircut is a good even $7, since some bases seem to charge different amounts. Relatively cheap, no? Well sure, but you have to pay for this every weekend, remember. 52 weeks in a year times $7 equals $364. Now, most people tend to give a tip of about $2, which doesn’t seem like much at the time. This also doesn’t include weekends spent away from base–whether it’s leave or just a long weekend–where you’ll probably pay about $8-15 for a cut. Taking these variables into account ($11.50 [+5% rounded sales tax] average for off-base haircuts with a rounded off-base haircut number of 10 per year, plus a tip variable of $2 a week) you’re left paying anywhere between $414.75 to $517.75 a year in haircuts alone.

This, I remind you, is coming out of your pocket. Why is there no system for free haircuts associated with the Marine Corps? For an organization so hair-obsessed, I find this really odd. We’re given a clothing allowance annually to maintain our uniforms, but no bone is thrown when it comes to the required weekly hair-defilement.

Here’s a suggestion: Haircuts should be paid for by the Marine Corps. Otherwise, they should not be required, by Marine Corps Order.

Field Day is a pretty rough subject in the Corps. It is congruent with long days, late nights, and often hazing. Field Day is a ritual of sorts, though. It is often the only thing people associate the garrison life with. I remember the first time I heard the word “Field Day,” I had no idea what I was in for. I really thought it was some kind of outdoor activity while I was in boot camp, until the first week was over anyway. Never did I think that my favorite childhood memory of school would forever be ruined by the prospect of cleaning.

Not just cleaning, but a horrific, mutated form of the creature. Cleaning on some kind of performance enhancing drug. Cleaning with such precision and to such an extreme that you don’t even know why you’re doing it anymore. Cleaning is not just something Marines are good at, they become experts at it with the reality of Field Day.

Anyway, enough about that nonsense. If you stroll onto the Terminal Lance Forum you’ll see a newly added ShoutBox on the index page, as well as a new Chat room feature at the top of the screen for registered members. I’ve spent a lot of time this week working on the site, I intend to add more features in the near future when I get the time. However, I will prelude to the fact that I am moving next week from Portland to the Bay Area. It will be a long(ish) journey, and I don’t expect to be able to update the site immediately after. Stay tuned though, I’ll let you all know the details when the time comes.

This creature of lore is actually quite common within the Marine Corps. Mostly found in the darkest corners of base housing, Dependapotamus may look like a predator of some kind, but it is actually defined as a parasite. Much like a tick or leach, the creature will engorge itself into gluttony through the benefits and steady paychecks offered by the unsuspecting Marine.

While this may be a gross exaggeration of the problem, I think the Dependapotamus is mostly a product of contract marriages brought about by the broken marriage system within the military. Many unwitting Marines will bag and tag just about anything to get out of the barracks and get that fattened BAH check. Unfortunately the end result is usually this beastly creature with a few children to boot, leading to the inevitable re-enlistments to support it and its offspring, with the smell of crushed dreams and lost hope lingering in the air at the end of the night.

This strip was actually inspired by one of the threads created in the Terminal Lance Forum. We have around 1400 members now, and quite a substantial list of talking points. Come by and check it out if you’re looking for a fun group of Marines (and a few un-Marines) to chat with.

Outside of the morbidly obese, I mentioned that I was looking to add some new features to the site. Eventually in the near future I’d like to get a new section added, something along the lines of Marine Corps and military specific film and game reviews with a legitimate lower-enlisted point of view. Obviously the comic will remain the focus of the site, but these new features will just give you something else to check out while you’re avoiding doing real work.

As well, expect delays in a couple of weeks when I’m actually moving from Portland to the bay area. I don’t know what my schedule will be like, but I guarantee I will not be capable of posting new comics while I’m driving a moving truck down I-5 for a day or two.

The term “Duty NCO” is usually taken extremely literally. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the term, the Duty NCO is usually the man in charge for the two-man, 24 hour barracks duty that day. However, duty rosters are usually made via a list on a computer, and NCO slots are often handed to (simply put) boots. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term “boot”, it is simply a designation given to those who are new or haven’t been on a deployment.

Unfortunately for the grunts, the comm guys attached to them tend to pick up Corporal much faster than those they are attached to. As a result, they end up often being the subject of scrutiny and ridicule; as the strip suggests: Chucks Don’t Lie. It’s easy to talk big and act like you’re in charge, but when the ribbons are so neatly laden on one’s breast, your mouth is only as big as those tiny pieces of fabric and metal.

In other news, I’ll be sending out the first shipment of Terminal Lance #22 prints today. There are still two prints left for sale! Don’t forget, 10% of the proceeds go to benefit the Wounded Warrior Project and there’s free FedEx Air shipping.

Check HERE for the listing.

Though I’m moving in a couple of weeks, I’ve been hard at work on some Terminal Lance special edition things that should be hitting the site hopefully before I depart for California. Expect something new to come around here some time soon… I’ll be trying out some new things with the site–so don’t be alarmed.

I almost forgot! This wasn’t in the Terminal Lance fan page, but a different Facebook page called “Silkies,” which is entirely dedicated to the classic, slightly homo-erotic loin-cloth they issue you in boot camp.

NOTE: The page cuts this image off on the right side. Right click and view image in a new tab to see the whole thing.

I love this photo. Why do I love it you ask. Because regulation thumpers and the other assholes of the Corps would shit a brick knowing that these 0341 Marines were out here not in their proper PPE laying waste to enemies in Afghanistan. Yet at the end of the day, they’re the ones who either destroyed the enemy or saved someone’s life with their immediate actions.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand about some Marines, it’s that they think regulation supersedes practicality. These people generally haven’t been in a situation where shit hits the fan, and you don’t have the time nor means to follow regulations. Practicality, in their mind, is whatever the Corps allows. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case in the real world, and that isn’t the case in combat.

The Marine Corps has been perverted and mutated in the minds of these particular people who believe Marine Corps Orders and regulations are the key to life. The Corps that needs to exist is one of real life practicality, adaptability, and common sense.

I salute you, 0341’s in your silkies. Not for your long, luscious legs–but for your ability to just say “Fuck it, this is more important right now.” This is what the Marine Corps should be about.

Unfortunately I don’t have caption info for these fine men, if anyone does feel free to send it to me and I’ll put it up. As well, make sure you check out “Silkies” on Facebook if you haven’t.

I think I speak for all Marines when I say one simple truth: I despise MOL.

In all honesty, I sort of wonder how the Corps functioned before MOL. It seems like everything we do revolves around what gets updated on this anciently designed website. If it doesn’t happen on MOL, it didn’t happen. In reality though, MOL is a great device for keeping the Marine Corps interconnected in every aspect, keeping the admin side of things available to the average grunt is a wonderful idea.

The worst part about MOL isn’t the system itself though, it’s just how dated the website really is. It feels like some relic of the 90’s, back when the internet was shiny and new in all it’s 56k glory, and email and Facebook weren’t requirements for daily functioning. The password system being the worst part of it all. How many times have you forgotten your MOL password? I know I have just about every time I use it. Really, there’s only so many different combinations of characters I can think of that actually contain the ridiculous password requirements to access the site. Even if the requirements weren’t as stiff as they were, the fact that it makes you change your password every week adds tremendously to the problem.

Anyway, outside of that, I have a couple of little things I’d like to mention.

In site news, expect a new set of prints to go up for sale today! I will be putting up 10 limited edition prints of Terminal Lance #22 “Why He’s Always Late” The prints are hand autographed and numbered by yours truly and will be up for sale later today–so stay tuned to my Twitter and the Facebook Fan Page, as well as the News portion of the site for when they go up.

Outside of the site, I’d like to wish a Happy Birthday to my mother, Pam! My dearest mum is 48 years young today, and I’m happy I can finally be here for it for once in the last few years.

That’s all I got for you, have a good weekend motivators.

I don’t typically try to sell my punchlines on pop-culture references. However, I recently saw “The Human Centipede” and was so excited I had to find a way to put it into a strip. As well, I think the point of the strip was easy to say within two panels. Active duty Marines hate reservists–those assholes found a way to be in the Marines but still be at home all the time and not have to deal with the bullshit every day.

I remember graduation day at SOI, everyone was in their Bravos, getting ready to head to the airport to continue their Marine Corps journey. Well, at least some of us were… half of the company just went to the airport to fly home, never to be seen again by the active duty guys heading to their duty stations to be hazed by hungover Lance Corporals at 0100 in the morning. The split is abrupt and deceptive. Marines that have been your friends and allies against the common evil of Marine-dom are sent back to their homes, back to their civilian friends and family, and back to their lives. Active duty never gets that luxury, only going home on leave blocks and dealing with the brunt of hazing and weekly field ops.

In other news, I am back from my trip to California. I managed to find an apartment–not in Oakland–and will be making the move down there next month. I appreciate everyone’s support on the subject. Additionally, I’d like to put up another set of prints on sale this week. Whenever I can get an actual work space set up I’d also like to do some more involved work for the site, things like special edition strips and so forth.

The trip back from California was draining to say the least. We went up Highway 101 in order to visit a Marine friend of mine in Healdsburg. The plan was to take 101 back up to Oregon and cut into Portland sometime around Newport. After a delicious lunch with my good pal Bob, we continued our journey back up to Oregon. As impatient as I am though, I decided to cut back to I-5 as soon as possible instead of waiting til we got into Oregon as originally planned. The result was a 4 hour long trip down the scariest highway I’ve ever driven in my life, where it literally turned into a one-lane road through the mountains (with traffic coming both ways). As for wildlife, I came close to hitting the usual suspects: deer and cow. More interesting, however, was when I almost hit a fairly good sized black bear, which I narrowly avoided via some decent brakes. After the not-so-much lauded drive through the wilderness, we ended up coming to I-5 at Redding, which put us about 5 hours behind schedule.

All in all, it was a good trip to Conan the Barbarian’s kingdom (not quite Aquilonia). The trip back though… not so much.

Anyway, if any of you are wondering what the movie reference is, it’s a terrible horror film that came out last year called “The Human Centipede.” This trailer should explain all you need to know about it… and you don’t need to know much.

Oh and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter for everyday bullshit, for those of you into that sort of thing.
TLCplMax

This idea was initially spurned by a comment on the Facebook fan page.

Well as I mentioned before, I am currently in California on a trip to find an apartment. I was initially looking into Oakland for an apartment, until I actually went to Oakland yesterday. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some nicer parts on the North and Western sides, but for the most part it didn’t exactly strike me as a place that I would want to hang my hat, perse.

I have some unfortunate news for those of you with any relation to 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment. Cpl Joe Wrightsman was killed in Afghanistan this week during combat operations. As well, Cpl Christopher Chamberlain was announced dead in his home town this week (he had EAS’d). It is a great loss on both parties, and I hope you send your prayers and thoughts toward their families and friends. While you’re at it, send some prayers to all the Marines currently serving in Afghanistan–I’m sure it’s all they really want from us.

Until next time, warrior-devil-fighters.