Author: Maximilian

I always thought it was kind of silly, the things we do in our service uniforms. We can’t have things in our pockets, we can’t carry things in our right hand, we can’t even hold the hand of our loved ones technically. For an organization that prides itself on practicality and adaptability in combat, we practice absolutely none of that when wearing our service uniforms. Above all else, practicality dives off a cliff to it’s gruesome death when you’re wearing a service uniform.

Ironically, the service uniforms are really nothing more than modernized versions of the ones that the Marines of old used to wear every day in combat and elsewhere. Back then however, I don’t think anyone would care if you used your pockets to store items, as that is why they exist. Yes, I am stating this as a fact: Pockets exist to store items on your person. This concept is extremely hard for some of the more hardcore regulation-thumpers to grasp. The idea that you could honestly get in trouble by putting your wallet in your back pocket is completely absurd to anyone outside of the service–but we all know that well enough.

This happens all the time though, getting corrected for doing something that would seem practical enough in your uniform. Not just the Service Alphas, Bravos and Chucks–but in cammies as well. Have you ever tried to put your hands in your pocket on a cold field op? Or tried to wear a backpack or some other carry-able storage device using the straps provided only to be yelled at by some random, butt-hurt Staff NCO? Of course you have, but I think we’re all used to it at this point. Regulations are regulations, and some people truly pride themselves on their ability to point them out to you.

Well I suppose this officially marks the use of profanity in one of my comics. Get used to it, the website is uncensored. If this comic does ever make it to print–which it may or may not–it will be edited for content. While I’m fine with creating a wholesome, widely accessible comic for old men of the Marine Corps to chuckle at, that’s not my target audience.

I find it ironic the Marine Corps tries so hard to hide itself from itself. Who are we fooling? We all know how Marines talk, and my target audience is you. If you’re offended by this, please take a moment to walk over to your nearest infantry battalion’s barracks on a Saturday night and spend 5 minutes in the presence of 400 drunk junior enlisted to remind yourself of what the Marine Corps actually is.

Over and out.

I often-times find the many dialects of the Marine Corps to be interesting, or at least entertaining. It’s strange how once someone goes into bootcamp and gets shit out the other side, their entire vocabulary is increased (or decreased really) with a bunch of nonsensical grunts and half-phrases. Some of these people continue to talk like this for years, to a point where I feel it actually starts to deteriorate their vocabulary uncontrollably. I refer to this as “SNCO Syndrome,” keep in mind that not all Staff NCO’s suffer from this. Often times when people get to the fleet, their motivation becomes torn in half at the reality of it all and they start to regain their original thought processes again.

Some, however, retain this mode of thought and speech. This comic is actually inspired by a true story. I had a Master Guns who would literally say “Cleared Hot!” in place of most of this vocabulary. Sometimes it made sense, most of the time it didn’t. I know how it impacted the work environment, which is to say, not really at all. However, I can’t imagine that at home yelling “Cleared Hot!” at the most inappropriate times would end well. These things carry on all over the Corps though; my recruiter, a Staff Sergeant at the time, used to end every sentence and answer every question with “Good to Go.” As strange as it is, usually you knew what he meant. Other words permeate the barracks and chow halls of the Marine Corps, such as Hello, Roger, and the almost always inappropriate, Kill or it’s extended version: Kill Bodies. I think what bothers me the most about Kill as a response is that it’s never the people who’ve actually killed someone that use it.

Whatever the case, I think all Marines–SNCO’s and motivated junior enlisted need to expand their vocabularies. If you’re the kind of person that can answer a question with Semper Fi, you probably need to be on medication. Marine-Speak though, love it or hate it–to each his own–is universally understood by Marines alike, whether they use it or not.

With that said, welcome to comic #2! I plan on keeping Tuesday and Friday as my update days. I’m going to try and hold true to that as best I can. I’m still working on getting a forum up. As I mentioned in the news, as I work on the site things may come and go and do some crazy shit, so just bare with it. Eventually I’ll get everything settled to a point where I can leave it alone. The forum is coming, I’m trying to find one that’s suitable and easy for someone like me who knows nothing about PHP and HTML to use.

One last note, I’d like all you motivated warfighters to do me a favor. If you have a buddy (all Marines have “a buddy”) who happens to be stationed elsewhere such as Pendleton or Lejeune, please send them the site and let them have a look around. Lets make this shit Marine Corps wide!

Out.