Author: Maximilian

Just as I’m beginning a spinoff on MRE’s, I’m thinking of going the same way with “LOL, Boots”. Really, there’s so many ridiculous and humorous things that boots do that you could probably make an entire graphic novel off of them. While the clothing thing might seem somewhat nit-picky, I’ll explain why it bothers me.

I mentioned this on the forum, for those of you that actually frequent there. Last Saturday I was at the barber shop on base receiving my weekly medium-reg when the bootiest of boots happened to walk in and sit down in one of the chairs. This is what he decided to wear on that beautiful, Hawaiian weekend:

1. Blue Jeans
2. Brown leather belt
3. Shower shoes
4. A black Quicksilver rash guard as a t-shirt
5. A backpack

Now, obviously there isn’t anything wrong with wearing blue jeans. I must implore you though, if you do wear jeans please try to avoid ones with tapered leg openings. These look completely retarded unless you’re wearing boots and you work in a warehouse. The leather belt would have been great had he actually been wearing shoes to match; but black, rubber shower shoes as flip flops screams “just got here.”  I think what bothered me the most was the rash guard. For those of you that don’t know what a rash guard is, it is a device you wear while surfing to avoid nipple chafing and sun burn. To top it all off, he had actually tucked in the rash guard into his jeans (which is how I knew what kind of belt he was wearing).

If you can picture this poor kid properly, you can probably gather he looked completely retarded. The skinny, shaved-head boot look to complete it all.

Any Marine worth a couple of pumps can spot a boot from a mile away. You can just tell. They all have that same, fresh, have no idea what the fuck is going on look to them. As well, almost always they dress completely ridiculous–which is where the strip was inspired from. I’m not entirely sure what it is, I genuinely wonder if these Marines had ever been outside prior to joining the Marines. And why is there always one dressed like a cowboy? Yes, you’re from Texas–no one gives a shit. In addition to the cowboy, you typically have the token wigger and the kid who looks like his mom picked out his outfit (and sucked at it). The gem though, not seen quite as often around the grunts, is the 7.62 rep.

These motherfuckers go to cash sales and buy all of the motto, bullshit 7.62 Designs shirts with Ed Hardy-esque “Devil Dog” and “Teufelhunden” plastered all over it with some cheesy bullets and skulls or some shit. I say these are rare in the infantry because typically a good senior will snatch that up before he hits the streets. Just as Marines don’t let Marines drive drunk, Marines don’t let Marines walk around in retarded motto bullshit t-shirts they bought at cash sales.

I’m pretty sure that’s a Marine Corps order somewhere.

So with that said, I’d like to take a moment to invite you all to the forums. We have 100 registered users and probably about 10 people that actually post. What gives? It’s a new forum, there’s not a whole lot of lurking to be done! Also, don’t mind the new Google ads. I’m just trying to make some extra cash, so if you see something you like feel free to click on it as many times as you want. Speaking of cash, don’t be afraid to buy the Terminal Lance t-shirts. I guarantee you’re more likely to get laughs than mean looks.

I wear mine to the gym all the time, most people just ask me where I got it and laugh. Don’t forget you can still buy coffee mugs and other Terminal Lance-branded items!

Funny note, since my “50,000” hits celebration we’ve already gotten over 60,000. I better figure out what I’m going to do for 100,000 hits… maybe I busted my nut too early with the 50,000 celebration…

The following is an update I made in the news post regarding this strip:

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I’d like to take a moment to address the statements I made in Terminal Lance #15 “Special Edition.”

I am doing this because I don’t really want to run into any problems with it, but I’d like to say that it is really in no way directly insulting anyone–nor should it be taken that way. What #15 is, is an examination of the state of mind and being for the average Lance Corporal infantryman in a combat zone. I am trying to be authentic and capture what it is to be that guy, the grunt. If someone takes this as a direct insult or feels that I am being too harsh or in any way unrealistic and improperly representing the Marine Corps–then please, go to the front lines without your rank on and ask the average Lance Corporal what he thinks.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I absolutely do not hate the Marine Corps, or any of the time I’ve spent in it. I think it is a great experience to go through, and I will always remember and cherish everything I’ve done. I genuinely feel like the Marine Corps has made me a better person in the long run, and I would recommend to anyone to give it a shot. While I would never spend my whole life here, to each his own and I respect everyone for their own decisions.

I genuinely feel like there are a lot of things with this organization that could be greatly improved for the benefit of everyone. This strip is precisely what 90% of the Marine Corps infantry on deployment is thinking in their heads. This comic has a target audience, and it may not be everyone in the Corps.

I have yet to receive any negative feedback throughout the ranks regarding the strip or any of the content therein, but people are telling me to be careful. I will say this though, have a sense of humor and a grain of salt when you read this and you probably won’t have a problem with anything I come up with. The salt is key though…

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I really wanted to do something special for my 15th strip. Not only is this strip #15, but this strip is the official marker of over 50,000 page hits! In less than 2 months we’ve managed to make Terminal Lance an underground hit in the Marine Corps. So keep it up Marines, Lance Corporals of Men. Keep sending those chain emails, keep the Lance Corporal Underground going strong.

With this strip I wanted to really exemplify what it is to be a Terminal Lance. This strip is in celebration of you all, and all that you are in the Marine Corps. It really rates to be longer, but I didn’t want to overdue it (which I may have done here). If you disagree with the idea of glorifying the Terminal Lance in all of whatever glory he rates… my short response is “what-the-fuck-ever,” but my more tactful response is, “fix the cutting score system.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the system is completely broken, and no one knows it better than the grunts. The Terminal Lance is not just an ideology–it is an actual, unfortunate phenomenon. There was a period of time in my platoon where we literally had no NCO’s. Was this honestly our fault? Marines from IPAC are getting promoted by the flock and you tell us, “Well you should try harder to get meritoriously promoted.” But why? Why is the system so broken that we have to meritoriously rate something that the rest of the Marine Corps has no problem achieving?

Maybe it’s just my MOS, the 0351. After all, over the last year our cutting score has been in the upper 1700’s while the rest of the grunts have had it in the mid 1600’s. But again, when it’s all said and done, the majority of the weapons platoons in the infantry end up doing the same jobs as everyone else–so why even have the different scores? I recall being a machine gunner on my first deployment, not shooting rockets at T72’s or laying breaching charges on doors. Perhaps some day the system will change or be fixed, but I guarantee it’ll be long after I’ve transferred my happy ass to the first civ div.

In any case, I made this strip to show you all that I truly appreciate you all and your eclectic, pissed off sense of humor. Keep passing it along, and I’ll keep making the comics for you all. If you can’t tell, I stepped up the artwork a notch in this strip to show you that my art-cock is indeed bigger than what the strips may imply. I’ll be honest, sometimes I slack on the art to get the strip done. Ultimately though, as long as the artwork is better than Sempertoons, I think I’ll be happy with it.

If you’re curious to know how I did it, well let me show you. I started with a pencil sketch. I do all of my line work by hand using pencil and paper–old fashioned, I know.

The pencils (in this case) are 10″x15″, which is a standard size format for comic books and the like. Once I have the pencils completely laid in, I start with the inks. Again, I do all of my inks by hand.

Inking is a slow, arduous process. If you don’t carefully plan out your pencils, there’s good odds you will fuck up the inks. Believe it or not, inking is not “tracing,” as some Kevin Smith movies would promote. Inking is actually a very difficult art that I don’t consider myself to be the best at.

In any case, once I finish the inks using Micron pens, Prismacolor markers, and Speedball India Ink w/brushes; I scan it in and add the text bubbles and text via Photoshop after I clean it up a bit.

The More you Know!

Anyway, thank you for reading my long rants and strips. Lets keep it up, Marines!

PS: I will create and upload some new wallpapers soon, so stand by!

I’d like to start by saying that this is a 100% true story. This happened to a friend of mine, Tyler Cone, while we were boots in the field, hence the reason in the strip they’re all wearing the Interceptor vest as opposed to the MTV sitting in my closet.

There are many mysteries, stories and lore surrounding the MRE (Meal, Ready-to-Eat). It is because of this mythology that I am starting a new segment called “The Mr. E Mystery.” These don’t have any kind of ongoing story or anything, but every once in a while I will throw up a strip with the said title about the lovable meals. I will try to unravel some of the mysteries of the MRE in each edition.

One of the best rumors about the MRE is the calorie count, I think. So often you hear the grumbles amongst Marines during chow time that each MRE contains upward of 3000 calories! That is completely false, however, as it says on the front package “Contains 1200-1600 Calories per meal”. As well, you can always just add up the calories from the Nutritional Facts located on each meal item and find that it is indeed under 1600 calories total. That is, of course, if you even eat all of the meal.

Going back to the strip, I always wondered why you never really see or hear of anyone actually winning those crazy candy wrapper contests. I don’t blame the candy manufacturers though; after all, what better place to hide a winning prize than in the confines of something that probably won’t be handed out or eaten until long after the contest has expired? It’s a brilliant plan, really.

In site news, I’ve received some feedback regarding the need for additional items in the store. Things like bumper stickers, magnets and so forth have been mentioned. Unfortunately, Printfection doesn’t offer these items to be made and sold via them–I am considering the addition of a separate store for the addition of said items though. I know Cafepress does those sorts of things; and in fact, I would have gone with Cafepress in the first place had they allowed double-sided printing on their “Military Green” shirt (front side only).

On a side note, I’m thinking of expanding my web fiasco by putting up a photography gallery on here. I was thinking of actually starting a pet-photography business. I would love to make some money off my photography but I really have no interest shooting people, weddings and whatever other typical things may come of these ventures. So with that said, although it’s completely unorganized yet, if you want some pet photography done on the island of Oahu, let me know and we’ll hook something up. (It will not be free)

Every Marine worth his or her salt should have a pair of Salty Cammies. They are the inevitable result of cammies that have been washed and worn over the years on a regular basis. With the lighter color comes a much softer, much more comfortable set of cammies that are always preferable to wear–if only to show how much saltier you are than everyone else.

I personally have a pair of deserts that are near white; only while I was in Iraq, my rifle rubbing on them tore a fairly sizable hole in the side, rendering them unserviceable to wear. It’s unfortunate, they really are much more comfortable than all of my other cammies. I had gotten them patched even, but the Hajji-Shop tailor obviously didn’t have worn out patches of desert cammy, and the result was a pretty noticeable patch of brand new desert on top of near-white.

I didn’t personally care, but a Master Sergeant in my battalion told me if he saw me wearing them again he’d tear a hole so big it wouldn’t be able to be patched… oh well. Can’t win them all I suppose.

In any case, the entire Marine Corps is wearing woodlands (sleeves down) right now. I believe this is to keep us warm in the autumn and winter. I think what bothers me the most about this system being Marine Corps wide is that even Hawaii is forced to wear woodlands, sleeves down. For those of you unfamiliar with Hawaii, it is 85 year-round here, and usually about 90% humidity. Needless to say, deserts would be much more appreciated around here. I doubt, however, that the brilliant minds that thought we needed to wear woodlands in Hawaii in the first place gives much of a shit though.

So with that said, I’d like to abruptly change the subject.

On Friday, there was an article in the Hawaii Marine about Terminal Lance and yours truly. While the article was well-written, it was smitten with one minor flaw… It had no URL to the site! In any case, I suppose Google had some role then to play in my site getting almost five times the page hits it usually does on a daily basis. I can’t really complain with results like that, but while I love the almighty Google as much as anyone else, the next time someone does a story on my website, please include the URL to my website.

In closing I’d like to note the success of the Terminal Lance store. While the shirts aren’t exactly flying off the shelves, I’m happy to say that they are in fact selling. I understand they’re a bit pricier than I wanted, but that’s really more on Printfection’s hands than mine. With that said, I know it may cost you those last few drinks on Friday night to buy one of these shirts, but definitely consider it… you’ll probably be better off and less likely to show up on the blotter.

Does anyone remember the Splinter Cell games? I know I do. While I always preferred Metal Gear Solid, I always enjoyed how high speed I felt playing as Sam Fisher. In the videogames and movies, night vision is clear, useful, and makes a fucking awesome “bweee!” noise when you turn it on. In real life, unfortunately, it is none of those things. The current generation of PVS-14’s fucking suck. Yes, they’re night vision and obviously they have their uses on the battlefield, but it’s never as cool as in the movies or games.

I would be amiss to say that Solid Snake wasn’t 50% of the reason I joined the Marines in the first place. I think it can be said that movies and games influence all of us subconsciously to do something as ridiculous as join the military. It’s all so incredible, so badass to do what you see on TV. To be the guy that people make movies and games about, that’s pretty awesome. But of course, none of us are really Solid Snake. None of us are Sam Fisher, and none of us ever will be. While I wouldn’t go as far as to say that war movies and games are great recruiting tools, I would say that it would be nice if they did a bit of research and made the tools they show realistic.

Maybe next time you turn on your NVG’s in Splinter Cell, Sam trips over a piece of trash or something because he has a 5 degree viewing cone and can’t see a fucking thing in front of him. Howabout the part where you’re adjusting the brightness and contrast of your NVG’s to get a better picture, or smacking it to keep it from flickering…? Naw, I doubt they’ll put any of that in there–that would be too realistic. If people didn’t have the fantasy, those games wouldn’t be any fun.

I’d like to announce the opening of the Terminal Lance Store, hosted by Printfection. It’s basically like Cafepress, but I liked it more because it was cheaper and had more color options. Get to the store by clicking on the “Store” tab at the top of the screen. I think the “Terminal Lance” skivvy shirts will be a hot seller.

In an effort to be honest to my loyal readers, I’d like to note that I have already received the skivvy that I ordered. I wore it today under my cammies. While it is not exactly OD Green, the “Military Green” color offered by Printfection suffices as a true skivvy shirt. It’s slightly paler than I thought it would be, but it gives it the “Salty” look we all want anyway. Overall, the product is a pretty high quality print.

This strip may hit a bit too close to home for some. In all reality though, marriage in the Marine Corps is more of a problem than a blessing. Too often, especially in the infantry, Marines get married as an answer to financial problems. The problem lies within the foundation of the system itself. Where, in the “real world” as I like to call it, would you get paid to be married? Probably nowhere, but the military actually encourages it with the way it is handled.

While there are plenty of briefs and holes to jump through when it comes time to tie the knot, none of it truly works as a deterrent against a marriage. The result is an 80% divorce rate brought on by Marines that just don’t understand the consequences of what they’re getting themselves into. While I have no useful suggestions to fix the system, I can say that it definitely needs to be fixed. Encouraging Marines to get married at such a young age just isn’t right, and divorces and alimony end up ruining lives long before it really needs to. With that said, I’m obviously not going to completely condemn those who decide to wed, I simply think it’s worth noting how messed up it has become.

It truly is a rampant problem in the Marines, and probably the military as a whole. Single Marines need to stop being treated worse, stop getting fucked with 24/7, maybe have the option of receiving BAH, maybe be treated like human beings… ya know… little things like that will go a long way in fighting young marriage rates; as well as divorce rates.

The strip has been getting a bit of attention lately. A couple of unnamed papers are planning some stories on my behalf here in the next couple of weeks. I hope people are still enjoying reading the strips, hopefully I can keep it up after I EAS in a few months.

Speaking of EAS, I’d like to give due abode to the “EAS Song” video. I think the culture of the “Terminal Lance” kind of began with the spread of this legendary Marine’s video on YouTube. If you haven’t seen the EAS Song, you fail. If you have seen it, watch it again right here (it’s actually pretty catchy):

The EAS Song on YouTube

Throw it up gents! Represent your true colors, with the Lance Corporal hand signal. I can’t actually take credit for the hand signal; my aforementioned friend Billdo Faggins, the Wild Cock Goblin created it during our first deployment.

The Lance Corporal in the infantry goes a long way. It is generally recognized within our ranks that being a Lance virtually means nothing to us. We have a full understanding of how broken the cutting score system is, how ridiculous promotions are, and for the best of us: an unwillingness to suck enough dick to get promoted. Obviously, I don’t literally mean performing fellatio on any superiors; I simply mean going that “extra mile” (usually in front of them) to make yourself look like you give enough of a shit to pick up.

If Sergeants are the back bone of the Marine Corps, then Lance Corporals are the extremities ultimately responsible for performing the tasks to keep it alive. Unfortunately, for the infantry, Lance Corporals have to be more than just extremities. I have seen Lances fill billets they shouldn’t have to, and do it admirably. For instance, the Section Leader billet of an Assaultman section is supposed to be a Staff Sergeant. Obviously, that doesn’t happen in real life. But couldn’t it at least be a Sergeant? Nope, that usually doesn’t happen either. For my first couple years in the Marines, my section leader was a Lance Corporal, until he was rightfully meritoriously promoted to Corporal. After he left, we had another Lance Corporal take his place until he was again promoted to Corporal.

So if Lances can fill the shoes of Staff NCO’s and NCO’s, why not be proud to be one? I say we take the shame away from being a one-chevron, cross-rifle rocking monkey and take pride in it! Throw up that hand signal and let the world know that with a promotion system as fucked as ours, what’s the point in giving a shit? Ever seen a Corporal or Sergeant with less ribbons than you? I have, and it pisses me off every time.

I’m not a Lance because I got in trouble, or I didn’t do my job. I don’t claim to be God’s gift to the Marine Corps, but I performed my job just fine. I’m the result of a promotion system that is flat-out broken. The month of February’s score requirement for 0351 is 1772. Good fucking luck. Meanwhile, don’t mind the boot NCO with 2 ribbons trying to tell you what to do because his requirement was in the 1500’s (0352 anyone?).

So like I said, throw that shit up.

Max, out.

A new platoon commander is a beautiful thing. Shiny, bright eyes anxious to unlock all the potential of the Marines under their new command. Fortunately, it doesn’t take long to shatter their insidious fantasies at the reality of it all. In my experience (this may not be representative of the Corps as a whole), Weapons platoon tends to be a little bit more rowdy than their 0311 counterparts.

It was always somewhat confusing to me, the idea of putting someone with absolutely no combat experience in charge of a platoon of 40 Marines–many of which have been on one or two deployments. Slap a shiny bar on that collar and you have yourself a natural-born leader! If only that were the case. The idea that someone has a bachelor’s degree makes them fit to lead Marines in combat is often-times downright absurd. In all reality, leadership cannot be taught through OCS, bootcamp or any other military school in the branches. Leadership is a virtue that you either possess or you do not. I’ve seen platoon commanders shatter and I’ve seen them succeed. Typically, the sooner they realize that the Marines under them aren’t interested in their boot-like motivation will succeed faster than others.

Once an infantry Marine has been deployed to a combat zone, motivation either completely dies or becomes so far buried underneath layers of disgust and anger that it’s really not going to come out with some school-taught, bullshit acronym about what it means to be a Marine. The saltier of the bunch will scoff at the very thought of following someone who has seen less than them, and can you really blame them?

If for some reason you’re a Lieutenant reading this, don’t feel too disheartened. It’s not impossible to be a good leader with no experience, it’s just unlikely. Keep yourself in perspective and you’ll do fine. Marines will respect you more for being honest than for being a faux-war hero trying to pass off field training in Quantico as experience.

So there’s my rant on Lieutenants. I dunno if that was too much, but I really just type whats on my mind. My site is open to anyone, you don’t have to be a Lance to read Terminal Lance. The bullshit is the same regardless of your rank, I’m pretty sure. I do believe, though, as Lance Corporals we often get the brunt of it the hardest.

I tried to do something different with the speech bubbles. Instead of using tools in Photoshop to render them as perfectly formed circles, I drew them by hand. I like it, inspired by what I was seeing at Penny Arcade, I think it allows for a more expressive image. I don’t really know what anyone else thinks of the comics art or styles because no one tells me. The forum is open, gents. We have something like 30 registered users but no one posts anything! If you hate the comic, please let me know on the forum and we can hash it out. As far as artwork goes, I try to keep the comic looking as professional and well-done as possible. I like to think it is the most well-drawn military strip available to you warfighters.

Some times I do skimp on the art a little, when I’m in a hurry to get a strip done I may half-ass it a bit. I try not to, but sometimes I just gotta get it done to get to you, my loyal readers. I suppose I could just adjust the deadlines, considering I made them up and no one enforces this comic whatsoever, but I made the commitment of Tuesday and Friday and I plan on sticking to it.

On this subject, if anyone from Leatherneck or the Military Times, or anything else, is reading this trash, let me know if you want to publish it. We can work it out, I can edit the words for content obviously, as I fully understand the idea of profanity on a public print form is usually unacceptable.

With that said, I promise you all, the site will always remain uncensored. There’s just no reason to censor something like this. I pay for the web hosting, no one tells me how to do this. I just do it. Like Nike, bitches.

Max, out.

Today’s strip is based on a true story. During my first deployment in ’07, many of the ISF guys didn’t have any uniforms. These were men who wanted to stand up for their neighborhoods and regions, some of them were Iraqi Police and others weren’t. However, the US Military (i.e.: us), would pay them to stand around at check points and defend their locale. There were no uniforms then, however, so we gave them glow belts.

I remember my first few convoys, seeing these shady guys and having no idea whether or not I could trust them. It’s a common saying that you should never trust any Iraqi out there, and I still stand by it–however none of these shady motherfuckers ever did anything in front of me that made me want to shoot them. I am aware of the crookedness of it all though. While we were there, our command was convinced the IP’s were going to turn on us. We were on high alert just in case.

During this time of friction between the IP’s and the Coalition forces, I recall one story quite fondly. I was part of a PSD platoon during my first deployment, I was the lead turret gunner of an MRAP behind the M2 .50 Cal. We would often escort our company commander to the local Iraqi Police chief’s headquarters and would sit outside during the long meetings that would take place. During one of our trips, as I remember it: I was sitting in the turret posted on security around the building as usual. Suddenly, I heard a three round burst coming from the inside. Naturally, with the lack of trust occurring between us and them, I assumed it was time–the Iraqi Police had turned on us. I sprung from my strap and immediately rotated my gun to the house, ready to rock and roll on the Deuce.

To my surprise, no one in the compound was firing or in high alert. I saw an Iraqi behind a PKC and took aim at him, he put his hands up and the Iraqi Police and Marines started waving me down before I started firing. It was passed over the ‘net that apparently one of the IP’s was fucking around a bit too much on the PKC and had a miss-fire. I wanted to punch him, but I think I got my vengeance on his pants–as the look on his face when he saw the barrel of my .50 aiming at him could only be described as shitting himself.

Anyway, I’m happy to see that I have almost 12,000 hits thus far. I would like more though. If you have a buddy–and I know you do–tell them about my site! Post on the forums for fuck’s sake, lets make this site an even awesomer place than it already is. I can’t do it alone.

After all, the Lance Corporal Underground is the fastest-moving rumor-mill in the country. Lets not disappoint now.

Going to the gym in the Marine Corps has always been kind of annoying for me. Though I do it regularly, I hate it every time. While it’s obviously an exaggeration to say all of the biggest guys are POG’s, it does seem to be a common trend. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the POG’s–hell I am one now! In fact, this strip was inspired by a conversation I had with another combat photographer about the gym. The gyms in Iraq are always the worst. The dank, sweaty rooms walled by the Seabee’s handywork with plywood, and a small layer of dust on the ground. The nicer ones had AC, most of them did not.

As someone who is not particularly large and has little to no interest in becoming so, the gym is always somewhat intimidating. I suppose it’s true there’s always a bigger fish, but when I’m benching a modest weight, and look over to find someone doubling what I’m lifting–it’s always somewhat disheartening.

With that said, it usually didn’t stop me, but for the longest time I refused to work out in the gym for these very reasons. I think Marines make a lot of excuses, but ultimately, going to the gym when you’re not already big, is usually not a good time.

One of my POG friends was mildly offended by the last panel of this comic. I will say again, I have nothing against the POG’s of the Corps–honestly I don’t give enough of a shit about anything in the Marine Corps for it to bother me anyway–but this project is the efforts of a grunt, from the ground up. My target audience is the grunts, more or less. I think the humor can be appreciated by really anyone in the Corps, but ultimately my point of view is going to be skewed toward the infantry; as that is just how I was raised.

At this moment I’d like to give a shout out to my good friend Lance Corporal Alex Ailor, whose mother just passed away suddenly. All of your friends back in K-Bay wish you and your family the best and you have our condolences.