Author: Maximilian

The issue of gays in the military has always been a tough subject, but recently it’s made headlines quite frequently and for that reason I will leave my personal opinion out of this. It is more or less irrelevant to the joke. As the strip suggests though, it is quite ironic that so many Marines are against gays and lesbians serving in the military, but are guilty of doing gayer shit than the average gay man on a daily basis. The “oil check” was something I never really thought was appropriate, in any situation–yet it had its hayday in my old platoon for a good couple of weeks.

There’s always some new practical, physical joke that spreads around and lasts for a week or two. Usually it involves some form of homo-erotic behavior like fingering another man’s asshole or showing someone your balls. I suppose when you’re stuck in shitty situations on a near constant basis away from civilization, a group of young men will inevitably resort to using their own bodies to find humor.

In any case, sorry for the late update. It’s actually passed 2am here in Hawaii as I type this. I’m officially on my last week here in Oahu, I’ve been on terminal for over a week and am trying to enjoy myself as much as possible while trying to pack up my life here. Though I will do my best to get the strips up on Tuesday and Friday next week, keep in mind I’ll be in the process of moving next week and may or may not make the updates. At the very least I might throw up some quick, unfinished doodles with some punchlines.

I’ll keep you all updated in the News post.

Until next time, tan belt ninjas.

Rarely, in any circumstance, are mustaches an acceptable decision for facial hair. For the Marine, it’s the only decision that is within regs. Does that make it okay? No, not at all. In fact, the only time it is acceptable (and actually encouraged) for a Marine to have a mustache is in the field. Specifically, CAX or some other large training event. The CAX-stache (Mojave Viper for you toosies out there) is a staple of the event. The Hawaii Marine recently published a story on CAX staches, so I won’t tread too deeply into the subject.

There are Marines that genuinely like the idea of having a mustache, but I must implore you, it doesn’t look cool. In fact, mustaches have never been cool. Few people have been able to pull them off, if you’re not one of the following people, you should consider putting that razor to good use:

Bottom line: mustaches are only acceptable in the field; once out of the field, the Marine should shave it.

Anyway, enough about those horrible things. In site news, you may have noticed the Donation button to the left. I announced it in the News portion of the site previously, but I know some of you never look at that. I will say it again then: if you want to drop a couple of dollars in the donation you’re more than welcome. Do not feel obligated however, Terminal Lance will continue regardless of whether or not you donate. I will not threaten you all with cancelling my site if you don’t give me money. I create a comic strip for you all to enjoy on my own time, if you want to support the site but don’t want to spend $30 on a skivvy, you’re welcome to drop a couple bucks (or more) into the hat. If you don’t, that’s cool too, the site will continue and it won’t make a difference.

When I posed the question many strips back about whether or not I should put one up, the feedback I got was resoundingly positive. Plus, I’m officially out of a real job now. 😛

Enough about money, lets talk about today’s Facebook fan photo:

This one posted by Brandon Ketchum has made me laugh every time I see it. It says so much with so little. “Marine Corps Veteran: FML”

Whoever this is, know that guys like me appreciate your humor.

This photo posted by Matthew Grilliot was put up in response to Strip #31. This looks an awful lot like a bus in al Asad, though the location wasn’t mentioned in the caption.

I have a mission for you all! Perhaps this would’ve been better done a couple comics back, but whatever. I want you all to go out, to the shitters and bathrooms that permeate the Marine Corps field environments and so forth, and collect photos of the best shitter artwork you can find. I want to see grand dicks of lore illustrated in glorious map pen. Post the photos on the Facebook Fan Page and they will be featured here. *Note*

I’m not instructing or encouraging you to vandalize anything, just collect photos of what’s already there!

With that said, happy hunting Marines. Til next time.

This is probably obviously inspired by recent events. As I mentioned previously, I went on Terminal on Wednesday. Officially now, Terminal Lance is based on a true story. I can honestly say though, that I hated every moment of the check out process. Running around with sheet in hand, unclear of the proper steps because TAP class’s brief 2 minute coverage of it just wasn’t pulling itself up in my memory. The list of places you need to check out is long and terribly absurd. I have trouble buying the idea that it’s a completely necessary process. I stayed my hand from doing a strip about CIF, as that was one of the trouble spots I had while in the said process.

PMO was a noteworthy adversary in my battle to check out on Wednesday. I am staying on the island for 2 weeks, presumably to give myself time to sell my vehicles and deal with the whole housing situation. Apparently, you’re not supposed to go on Terminal until you’ve already sold your vehicles, despite the fact that I showed PMO my itinerary given to me by IPAC. The result was me having to jump through a series of hoops–steaming with the fresh stench of bullshit–to get the civilian woman at PMO to sign my sheet. It left a rather sour taste in my mouth, but ultimately the day ended with me getting a new ID card, and a letter from the Commandant congratulating me on my honorable service.

Terminal Lance is officially Terminal.

Well, almost, 45 minutes later I got a call from IPAC telling me I was missing a couple of things from my package. I drove back over there and handed the items over–which ultimately finished the process.

It’s a strange feeling, knowing that the day I’ve been waiting for for the last 4 years is here. Stranger yet, not shaving at all for the last 3 days and walking around as usual in all my unkept glory.

In site news, as of press time I have sold and shipped 8 of the Limited Edition prints. There are only 2 left! I suggest buying those bad boys up before it’s too late. Terminal Lance is hardly going to be the last of my artistic endeavors, I assure you. Owning the first print I’ve ever released might not be a bad idea. To those that have already purchased them: thank you for the support.

You may see more of these sorts of print drives and whatnot coming up. It’s time to face it: I’m out of a paycheck here pretty soon. Gotta make that green!

It’s terribly late, so I will go to bed now. I spent tonight (Earth Day, mind you) watching Avatar at my good friend Kyle’s place. I admire the movie for all of its technical achievements, I think it did what it was supposed to do exceedingly well. I also recommend you all go buy it on BluRay and don’t even bother with the DVD. If you don’t have BluRay players… go buy a PS3.

Echo-Three Uniform, over and out.

It was a tough decision, choosing which item should go on the bottom. While I think Marines can debate whether or not alcohol or tobacco are in fact their best friend in the Corps, I chose tobacco because when you’re on deployment you only get to use one of them. Sans pseudo-holidays like the Marine Corps birthday, odds are you can guess which one it is.

Energy drinks are big in the Marines, I think many of us consume more of these than water. I’m pretty sure Monster makes about 85% of its revenue from the armed services of America, if not more. Another necessary food group to the Lance Corporal: Porn. While technically “banned” on deployment, you’d be hard-pressed (literally perhaps?) to find someone who didn’t have at least a few gigs of the stuff permeating their portable hard drives and laptops. I think the ban on porn is absurd, frankly. While it has been noted and recently recognized to get out of control perhaps, discouraging Marines to have sexual release isn’t just impossible, it’s beyond common sense. Recent studies (which I’m too lazy to cite) have shown that daily sexual release is not only good for the mind, it actually promotes good prostate health.

Anyway, I think the “bullshit” food group is definitely necessary for the Lance Corporal. It could be debated that “bullshit” should be the largest food group of the Lance Corporal, but ultimately I think the tobacco and alcohol help to cover up the pain and misery the bullshit inevitably leads to. Of course our job sucks, that’s just the nature of it–but that’s not what bothers the average Lance. It’s no secret that wandering around some shit-hole country waiting to get shot at while wearing 80+ lbs of gear is a shitty job. However, it’s the bullshit that keeps people from re-enlisting. It’s the reason many Marines leave permanently scarred and bitter from their experiences.

Lastly, you have motivation. Motivation is the smallest food group for the Lance Corporal because, much like sugary sweets, too much of it will leave you gluttonous and immobilized to the regular world. Like the morbid obese, no one will want to be around you. You’ll be incapable of interacting with regular people without them leering at you in disgust; but instead of staring at your oily, foul head of hair and acne coating your back and arms, they’ll be staring at a raging high and tight and motto tats that only further alienate you from the regular populace of the world. The Lance Corporal must avoid motivation in order to maintain good mental and physical health, as according to the pyramid.

With that said, it’s not like a little motivation here and there will kill you. We all enjoy watching things like Generation Kill and Full Metal Jacket, playing Call of Duty and watching YouTube videos of hajji’s getting riddled with bullets. As the pyramid suggests, a little bit of motivation here and there is perfectly healthy and can perhaps even be good for you in moderation.

Okay so maybe drawing a parallel between morbid obesity and motivation is a stretch, but dammit I’m sticking to it!

I think it is finally starting to dawn on me that my last day in the Marine Corps is coming up here pretty quickly. It’s almost surreal to think it’s been 4 years. It seems like every day I can remember up until now I was counting down the years, then months, then weeks, and now even days. The accomplishments, big and small that I’ve made are all just fuzzy memories now, visions of when silly things like landing a rocket on target were important to me.

But it remains, as I told myself before: it is just time to move on; and move on I shall, gents… move on I shall.

Oh BAS, did you think you wouldn’t be immortalized in 3-panel glory? This strip isn’t necessarily a direct insult on Corpsman, as a lot of them are great guys that genuinely care about their Marines and do wonderful things in combat and in the rear. This strip is dedicated to all of my grunt friends who recently have told me, “You should do a comic on how much BAS fucking sucks.”

I told you all a few weeks ago how my final physical went, and how my old battalion decided to take my medical record to Mojave Viper with them despite the fact that I wasn’t there with it. Well fast-forward to a couple of weeks ago when they returned from the ever-shitty CAX training at 29 Palms. I assumed, as one would, that they would have returned with my medical record. I go to the BAS, struggle to get the attention of a Corpsman and ask if the records were back. They told me no, that they were probably locked up still. This is 2 days after their arrival, a week day, mind you. Frustrated, I left and decided to give it a couple more days. I come back on Friday and ask if my record is in, they tell me no, everyone is on a 96 and none of the records are in. So next week rolls around, I come in on Tuesday, assuming my record wouldn’t be there on Monday, and am finally able to get my medical record from the grimy hands of BAS.

This is hardly the worst of it though, as most of my peers are trying to get their final physicals done for EAS. Just on Friday I was at the clinic lab to get some bloodwork done when a Marine from my old unit goes to the window and they tell him that the battalion’s BAS never actually put the request in. He is sure it was supposed to be in, he tells them to call the BAS and get it straightened out, she agrees and goes back into the lab. A couple of minutes go by and she comes back out, saying that BAS never picked up their phone. It was 0830.

Another story that I heard second hand is that a Marine from said battalion was so fed up with that BAS that they went to another battalion’s BAS and got the final physical done without hassle on the same day he asked. Perhaps it’s just this one battalion, but unfortunately that is the one I experienced–and therefore I will assert that BAS does in fact suck the fat balls of a dying old man.

If you are a member of a BAS and feel the need to write me an angry email about this strip: please, I implore you, take that time and energy and unfuck BAS instead.

Anyway, how are all of you? I hope you’re doing well. This week I’ve been spending a good chunk of time volunteering at Aikahi Elementary School painting some tiles to go on their playground. It’s not a bad gig, in my last week of active duty. Oh yes, did I mention? I’m getting out soon. Still no promotion, so it looks like Terminal Lance is in fact based on a true story. I’m officially designating myself “Terminal Lance Corporal Max,” so if you email me, please address me as such. Soon I will be moving back to the beautiful Rose City from which I hail: Portland, Oregon. In all honesty, I’m going to miss it here. Shit, I have a house right on the beach in beautiful Hawaii, why wouldn’t I miss it?

Many of you have emailed me to ask if I will keep the strip going after I get out. To this I will say that I will keep it going as long as I have new ideas. Expect a bumpy update road in the next few weeks or so, though I will do my best to get things to you all on time. Moving my life and all of my shit is expected to take up some of my free time, so bear with me.

From the Facebook Terminal Lance fan page, this photo submitted by Joe Elsass:

It’s okay that they’re POG’s, they’re still keeping it as real as it gets. Like I told you in strip 10, throw that shit up and be proud to be a Lance. After all, it is the best rank in the Marine Corps.

I don’t think there’s a whole lot to say about this strip, I think the joke is fairly self-explanatory. In fact, I’d say making fun of the cheesy recruiting commercials is one of the favorite pass times of Marines. All of us remember the commercials with the fire demon or the dragon being slain by the NCO sword. Since I’ve been in, the commercials have started gearing toward the Silent Drill Platoon–while I will say is always awesome to watch–has virtually nothing to do with the real Marine Corps. As much as I could focus this on making fun of the Silent Drill Platoon, I will refrain because honestly it’s fucking cool to watch them–as utterly POG as they can be. My old Company Gunny actually was a silent drill guy, Gunny Duprey, and he’s probably one of the best Marines I’ve ever met. (In fact he even has his own Facebook fan page, not started by him.)

With that said, I think the commercials have their purpose in the world: to recruit new Marines. All the jerk off tactics are in full effect here; the image portrayed on TV is the one that everyone at home knows of us, after all. I think making fun of the commercials is an easy target though, as all Marines are generally in universal agreement that they’re straight bullshit.

This strip is actually recycled material. You’ve never seen it because it was never used until now. This concept was actually the first Terminal Lance idea I ever had, though the wording was slightly different. My original idea for the strip was a full vertical comic-page setup. This ultimately was altered when I thought that the local paper had some intention of picking up the strip. That obviously never happened, but the 3-panel layout stuck well with me. It’s simple and to the point, and it’s easier for me to get done with 2 strips a week. Had I been doing full pages like that, odds are I’d be able to do 1 a week at the most.

I mentioned before that I’m looking for ways to monetize Terminal Lance a little bit. I need a new computer and I’ll be out of a steady paycheck here in a couple of weeks. With that said, I will be auctioning off the ORIGINAL artwork to Terminal Lance #15 “SPECIAL EDITION”, autographed by me on eBay. When this happens, I will let you all know and I will put it up on the News portion of the site. It will probably not be until next week, but I will keep you all informed here and on the Facebook fan page.

People have asked me about selling the original strip artwork. The unfortunate thing with this idea is that the strips are very rough when I scan them in. Using my WACOM tablet I draw in and touch up a lot of things, leaving the original artwork obsolete and not worth much (not to mention it’s all cut in extremely odd ways to fit in my tiny scanner). The difference with Strip #15 is that it is one solid piece of artwork, 10″x15″ (standard comic size). It’s all ink and it’s all real, so I am comfortable offering it for sale. In the meantime, expect some small additions to the site sometime soon.

Until next time gents. Remember, if you tap it: wrap it.

ADDITION:

I promised I’d look at the photos put up on the Terminal Lance fan page on Facebook. Today, I will highlight my favorite one so far:

Submitted by Brett Bass.

This one made me laugh the most, because it’s a simple observation that is pretty hilarious. If you can’t tell, it’s a guy named Tucker who’s nametape looks a lot like “Fucker”. I can imagine this guy has a pretty obvious knick name, which I think is well earned with this cammy slip-up.

A note on the photos, keep in mind that everyone is on Facebook. Hell, it’s even allowed on NMCI now, so if you’re putting up a photo that could get you in trouble–don’t do it. I’m not a blue falcon, but if you’re SNCO or OIC see’s a photo of you giving fellatio to a goat or something you’re probably going to have a pretty awkward conversation with your battalion commander. Keep it clean, gents. Common sense.

I almost felt bad about making this strip (almost), because I know that the challenge coins do hold some tradition and are kind of a soft spot for the older folks of the Corps. Regardless, they definitely skipped my generation, and have always been regarded as being somewhat “lame”. I will say that I see no problem with collecting coins, as it is a common practice of Marines and children alike–but the idea of actually using it in a bar setting has always been comical for me. Not once have I ever actually carried one of these things in my pocket. If someone did, hypothetically, present me with the challenge of a unit coin, I would probably scoff aloud at best.

In any case, the coins are really a cultural thing in the military. I think companies actually make substantial money off of unit coins as well as coin cases for holding and presenting said coins. Strangely–oh how strange it is–it never really caught on in the infantry. I think a lot of it has to do with “motivation,” that grunts seem to lack. Frankly, I think the idea of “motivation” is bullshit anyway. It’s really just a perversion of traditions and practices that at one point were commonplace and practical, but no longer are.

I discussed this subject with my SNCOIC recently, and the subject of Chesty Puller and his following of blithering motards came up. Chesty Puller was a great man, and a great Marine. But Chesty was a Marine’s Marine, a grunt’s Marine. The distorted ideals of motivation; i.e., high and tights, perfect uniforms, regulation thumping, etc., use this blind idea of worshiping guys like Chesty but fail to realize that he himself wouldn’t give two flying shits if someone’s hands are in their pockets in 40 degree weather. These ideas aren’t the Marine Corps, these ideas are a perverse entity that has gone on so long that any semblance of why they exist in the first place has been replaced with the word “tradition”. It leads to the idea that grunts are somehow “nasty,” and don’t follow regs like they should.

Grunts are the Marine Corps. The Marine Corps is founded on the idea of practicality and adaptability, and who better than the grunts to look at for these virtues? The separation of garrison and the field has always existed, and as a result you have two completely different, competing cultures. On one hand, you have the regulation side (garrison), where things don’t make sense and people are out to get you for doing something you didn’t even know was a rule. On the other, you have the practical side (field), where you can unblouse your boots and not worry about sleeves and senseless “traditions.” In all reality though, the grunt in the field is the tradition, and not vice versa. The grunt in the field is what the Marine Corps is supposed to be, it’s the Iwo Jima picture, the famous battles of Guadalcanal and so-forth, and everything else the Marine Corps has established itself to be in this world. That is the Marine Corps that Chesty Puller is from, and that is the Marine Corps that you should be looking to to define motivation.

The next time you think to yourself that high and tights, tight sleeves, high boot blouses, a clean shave, challenge coins and all the other bullshit that’s been distorted to mean “motivation” makes a good Marine–I suggest you spend some time with the nasty grunts in the field, sweating and bleeding to ensure you guys are able to tell your friends and family why they call you “Tuefelhunden” or whatever other bullshit you’re feeding them.

So that was somewhat long-winded… In all honesty I kind of just type what’s on my mind. I was actually considering saving that rant for a strip about Chesty Puller, but I didn’t know when I’d actually get around to doing that and it was fresh in my head. Moral of the story: Challenge Coins are gay.

Believe it or not, I don’t actually make an effort to alienate the POG readers, I just can’t help myself from being honest. You know I love you guys, but there’s definitely some ladies and gentlemen on your side that don’t do you justice. I get a lot of feedback from POG’s, they all seem like great guys and gals and I hold no grudges. But, I said it something like 25 strips ago and I’ll say it again: Terminal Lance has a target audience, and if you haven’t figured out who it is yet… then I dunno what to tell you.

In other news, I’m considering putting up the original artwork from Terminal Lance #15 “SPECIAL EDITION” up for auction on eBay. Anyone interested? I need a new computer in order to keep providing you with your twice-weekly dose of awesome…

While I won’t say that this is necessarily a true story, I will say that no one I know has actually read the acclaimed Message to Garcia or any other book on the Commandant’s Reading List for that matter. In fact, before I made this strip I asked some of my friends if they had even heard of it, and one of them actually told me they had no idea what I was talking about.

I remember hearing it often though, “Message to Garcia time!” when something important needed to get done. I have never read this book; I can’t honestly say whether it’s good or bad. I’m pretty sure everyone knows the gist of it, but for being such a short book I’m slightly surprised that people haven’t read it. I guess my reason is that I just never really cared enough to do it, nor do most grunts I suppose. I know at one point in time, it was mandatory that Marines read the books on the List. Whether this rule was extinguished or just got lost in the bigger picture of fighting a war on two fronts I don’t really know for sure. I do know that military books tend to be written by military men (and women), and hence are overtly drawn out and boring.

The Commandant’s Reading List, like MCI’s, are one of those things that remain lingering around the Marine Corps with the intention of making us better–but ultimately end up becoming a check-in-the-box at best in practice. Back when I had some remote hope or wish of picking up via cutting score, I recall doing all of the required MCI’s. They didn’t help me in any real sense, in fact I don’t remember anything from any of them. While the mail system for them is no longer in place, I’m not sure if anyone really took those things seriously from the moment they were invented. After all, what Marine didn’t just find the answers in their books and have their Squad Leader sign the answer sheet? For obvious reasons this system doesn’t exist anymore, but MCI’s are still just as vapidly completed as they have always been.

I suppose a “good NCO” is supposed to enforce these things, but ultimately when you’re training to get shot at every day in some shit hole across the planet and learning about all the ways you can die–these things start to become largely irrelevant for young infantrymen. Maybe this is just a grunt perspective–but I assure you that this is the perspective of all of the Marines I’ve ever deployed with.

I will say though, Starship Troopers was a good book long before it made the list.

So in site news, maybe some of you saw the tattoo story in this week’s Marine Corps Times? If not, pick it up for a good laugh. There’s also some more mention of me and the site in the forum bites part. How can I top the tattoo contest? I’m sure you’re all wondering what I have planned next. Frankly so am I; but I do have a couple of good ideas up my sleeve.

In unrelated news, has anyone noticed that Charles Wolf hasn’t updated Sempertoons since Terminal Lance went live? What’s the deal?

Until next time, keep it real gents. Keep it as real as it can get.

I genuinely debated on doing this strip simply because I knew that the reference might fly over the heads of some of the older Marines that read the strip. (I know there’s plenty of you salty bastards) However, if I may be so blunt, I am a huge nerd. In fact I am such a huge nerd that in the 2nd panel, the HP for my spiky-haired doppelganger is “2236,” which of course is the combination for the safe in the office in the East wing of the 1st floor of the police station in Resident Evil 2.

This strip is chalk full of genuine nerd-dom, but I found the joke funny enough that I had to do it. Hopefully you gamers out there will appreciate it, which is most of the Junior Enlisted, I’m sure.

I will admit that all of the Final Fantasy discussion on the forum lately has gotten me thinking about those great old games again, as well as the fact that I’m currently going through Final Fantasy XIII for PS3. For those of you unfamiliar with the franchise, it is the best selling RPG series of all time, and basically founded genre.

I may have mentioned before that I am a fan of Penny-Arcade, a gaming comic strip. I think most webcomics are not successful due to the fact that 90% of them try to do exactly what Penny-Arcade did; i.e.: two lazy, witty guys that love to play videogames. Luckily for me, I have the niche of the Marine Corps as a comic strip–which really is an endless geyser of humor, openly flowing like the chocolate river from Willy Wonka. In any case, I think it would be wrong of me to try and hide the fact that I love me some videogames–honestly I think Metal Gear Solid is about 50% of the reason I joined in the first place. Whatever the circumstance, Terminal Lance has been doing fantastic lately. After the story went live in the Marine Corps Times print and online last week, I easily broke the 1 Million hit marker.

Needless to say, this milestone hasn’t been free of bumps. Not everyone is happy with Terminal Lance, though I think the majority of these individuals don’t actually read the comics or the blog post and just judge it based on the name. I can’t and won’t bother trying to address everything that pops up, but Terminal Lance is available for anyone to look at. I didn’t agree to have stories in the Newspapers thinking no one would notice. If anyone of exceedingly high rank reads these things, which I know now that they do, I hope you find them funny and embrace the humor for what it is: situational and observational humor based on my actual experiences in the Marine Corps infantry (or otherwise). I’ve never bashed the Marine Corps, or anyone in it–nor do I plan to.

A pretty simple and straightforward alternative, if you don’t like the strip: don’t read it.

With that I will bid you all adieu, much like most nights I update the comic I have to wake up in like 6 hours–because I love you all enough to lose sleep over this.

This is actually a true story. Well, I dunno if Bill actually did any maniacal laughing at the time, but this is based on true events much in the same way Hollywood makes movies “based on true events.” In any case, I remember thinking to myself how strange it is, that our job is so miserable that people would literally rather have their teeth pulled out than participate in a field op. Not only is the act real, but the person is usually commended for “good timing.”

Wisdom teeth are one of those things that are probably better pulled out while you’re active duty and have that ever-so-popular “free medical.” After all, they do get you out of work and if you’re of the Oh-Three type, maybe even a field op. While being completely miserable, I would be amiss to say that field ops have no lasting value to me. The field is really where the heart of the Marine Corps is, where things make sense (in a strange way) and you don’t have the outside world to worry about. The field brings Marines closer–and it has nothing to do with any motto-bullshit about how we love our job. It’s the fact that we all hate it, actually, that makes the field a place of bonding. As one of my seniors explained to me on my first deployment, Marines come closer together when they have the common enemy of the Marine Corps to bitch about. Ironically, putting Marines through misery on a daily basis makes them much closer in the long run, whether anyone realizes it or not.

Strip a platoon or company of all of their material worries, and all they have left is each other.

Going back to the comic though; before the recession hit America, getting Marines to join was a problem. Recruitment was low and retention even lower, Marines were being offered bonuses of up to $90,000 to re-up–a hefty offer to say the least. Maybe–now this is just a thought–retention would be easier to attain if Marines didn’t prefer having brutal oral surgery performed in preference to doing their job.

On a side note, I’d like to ask a simple question: Why is it that when someone of ridiculously high rank wants to talk to you, they never tell you if it’s good or bad? It’s easily the biggest mind-fuck for someone at the lowly rank of Lance Criminal. Just saying.