Terminal Lance #29 “Why BAS Sucks”
April 13, 2010
Oh BAS, did you think you wouldn’t be immortalized in 3-panel glory? This strip isn’t necessarily a direct insult on Corpsman, as a lot of them are great guys that genuinely care about their Marines and do wonderful things in combat and in the rear. This strip is dedicated to all of my grunt friends who recently have told me, “You should do a comic on how much BAS fucking sucks.”
I told you all a few weeks ago how my final physical went, and how my old battalion decided to take my medical record to Mojave Viper with them despite the fact that I wasn’t there with it. Well fast-forward to a couple of weeks ago when they returned from the ever-shitty CAX training at 29 Palms. I assumed, as one would, that they would have returned with my medical record. I go to the BAS, struggle to get the attention of a Corpsman and ask if the records were back. They told me no, that they were probably locked up still. This is 2 days after their arrival, a week day, mind you. Frustrated, I left and decided to give it a couple more days. I come back on Friday and ask if my record is in, they tell me no, everyone is on a 96 and none of the records are in. So next week rolls around, I come in on Tuesday, assuming my record wouldn’t be there on Monday, and am finally able to get my medical record from the grimy hands of BAS.
This is hardly the worst of it though, as most of my peers are trying to get their final physicals done for EAS. Just on Friday I was at the clinic lab to get some bloodwork done when a Marine from my old unit goes to the window and they tell him that the battalion’s BAS never actually put the request in. He is sure it was supposed to be in, he tells them to call the BAS and get it straightened out, she agrees and goes back into the lab. A couple of minutes go by and she comes back out, saying that BAS never picked up their phone. It was 0830.
Another story that I heard second hand is that a Marine from said battalion was so fed up with that BAS that they went to another battalion’s BAS and got the final physical done without hassle on the same day he asked. Perhaps it’s just this one battalion, but unfortunately that is the one I experienced–and therefore I will assert that BAS does in fact suck the fat balls of a dying old man.
If you are a member of a BAS and feel the need to write me an angry email about this strip: please, I implore you, take that time and energy and unfuck BAS instead.
Anyway, how are all of you? I hope you’re doing well. This week I’ve been spending a good chunk of time volunteering at Aikahi Elementary School painting some tiles to go on their playground. It’s not a bad gig, in my last week of active duty. Oh yes, did I mention? I’m getting out soon. Still no promotion, so it looks like Terminal Lance is in fact based on a true story. I’m officially designating myself “Terminal Lance Corporal Max,” so if you email me, please address me as such. Soon I will be moving back to the beautiful Rose City from which I hail: Portland, Oregon. In all honesty, I’m going to miss it here. Shit, I have a house right on the beach in beautiful Hawaii, why wouldn’t I miss it?
Many of you have emailed me to ask if I will keep the strip going after I get out. To this I will say that I will keep it going as long as I have new ideas. Expect a bumpy update road in the next few weeks or so, though I will do my best to get things to you all on time. Moving my life and all of my shit is expected to take up some of my free time, so bear with me.
From the Facebook Terminal Lance fan page, this photo submitted by Joe Elsass:
It’s okay that they’re POG’s, they’re still keeping it as real as it gets. Like I told you in strip 10, throw that shit up and be proud to be a Lance. After all, it is the best rank in the Marine Corps.