Terminal Lance #58 “Six Bucks is Already Enough”

August 13, 2010

Haircuts are a big part of Marine Corps culture. Whether you’re a reg-thumper, shit bag, blue falcon, or just a Marine; the few choices a Marine actually has in the selection of a haircut can say a lot about that individual. More importantly though, whether you like it or not, you’ll have to pay for this cranial sodomy every weekend, lest one wants a good ass chewing come Monday morning.

I’ve never been a proponent of the weekly haircut system. Not because I don’t want to look squared away, but because I don’t want to spend $6-10 every weekend for some random (and always foreign for some reason) asshole to ruin what little hair I’m allowed to have. It’s really more of a money thing than anything. Lets do the math here:

Let’s say a haircut is a good even $7, since some bases seem to charge different amounts. Relatively cheap, no? Well sure, but you have to pay for this every weekend, remember. 52 weeks in a year times $7 equals $364. Now, most people tend to give a tip of about $2, which doesn’t seem like much at the time. This also doesn’t include weekends spent away from base–whether it’s leave or just a long weekend–where you’ll probably pay about $8-15 for a cut. Taking these variables into account ($11.50 [+5% rounded sales tax] average for off-base haircuts with a rounded off-base haircut number of 10 per year, plus a tip variable of $2 a week) you’re left paying anywhere between $414.75 to $517.75 a year in haircuts alone.

This, I remind you, is coming out of your pocket. Why is there no system for free haircuts associated with the Marine Corps? For an organization so hair-obsessed, I find this really odd. We’re given a clothing allowance annually to maintain our uniforms, but no bone is thrown when it comes to the required weekly hair-defilement.

Here’s a suggestion: Haircuts should be paid for by the Marine Corps. Otherwise, they should not be required, by Marine Corps Order.