Tag: abe

  • The Target Guy

    The Target Guy

    For years, one man has terrorized Marines in combat marksmanship more than anyone else. He has been killed more times than possible to count. He’s in the corners and on the walls waiting, limply pointing his rifle at you for eternity… He is… The target guy.

    I actually did not know prior to doing this comic that this guy has a whole backstory as reported by the Marine Times. Apparently he is a retired Gunny who works with the Marine Corps range development in Cherry Point and just kind of randomly posed for this image. Incredible how instantly someone can become an absolute icon.

  • The All-Nighter

    The All-Nighter

    There’s no worse feeling than showing up to morning formation after a night of splendorous indulgence into the wee hours of the morning. For many Marines, that will probably involve binge-drinking, vomiting, other bodily fluids, and possibly farm animals.

    Other Marines enjoy different vices, such as staying up all night playing videogames while your roommate is trying to sleep.

    When I was a wee-boot at Mackie Hall, Kaneohe Bay, I recall buying an XBOX 360 and the latest Elder Scrolls game for my room. This made a great distraction while on standby or for some late nights with a locked door and curtains closed.

    However, it attracted some… Unwanted attention. One of my “senior” Lance Corporals discovered my electronic entertainment set up and decided that he was going to spend the next week playing Oblivion every night until it was time for morning PT. I’m not a selfish person, I don’t mind sharing my toys, but this shit got old really quick.

    It wasn’t until I stuffed the setup into my wall-locker and kept it secured that I was able to get a good night’s sleep.

    As far as Final Fantasy VII goes, the answer to who is Cloud’s true love has always been Tifa. I will not be accepting any questions on the matter.

  • The Chow Hall Days

    The Chow Hall Days

    Every day at the chow hall presents itself with a deliciously festive culinary theme for Marines to enjoy. “Taco Tuesday,” “Hamburger Hump-Day,” “Italian Friday” are just some of the themed days of the week that Marines can look forward to at their local dining facility.

    I’m particularly fond of “Empty Saturday Night” and “Broke-Ass Waiting for Payday Sunday Morning” on the weekends.

    Whatever the day, you can be assured that SODEXO’s finest are preparing nothing but the best prison-grade, government-approved food for your heroes in uniform to indulge and enjoy.

  • The Temptress

    The Temptress

    The Career Planner in any battalion has one job: keep Marines enlisted. Usually, as your EAS date looms, you are likely to be approached by these institutional agents to talk over options for re-enlisting (should you be considering it). They can authorize bonuses and negotiate incentives for you to stay onboard.

    Maybe you want a new duty station? A new MOS? Perhaps a few extra bucks will be enough to grease the palms into sticking around (or returning). For some, there is no price for the sweet sound of freedom.

    Whatever you choose, just remember that the GI Bill is an incredible benefit and allows you a second wind to do literally whatever you want with your life.

  • The Reenlistment Ceremony

    The Reenlistment Ceremony

    It’s not unusual for Marines to be placed into some kind of miserable formation for a ceremony they’d rather not be at. Reenlistments are one of those, but with the added variable of being at any location of the reenlistee’s choosing. People can reenlist at home, overseas, on the sea, and even in the sea–the latter being a favorite among many that are stationed near a beach.

    As the person being honored, I’m sure there’s no greater feeling than making everyone around you even more depressed and uncomfortable than they already are as enlisted Marines.

    Personally, if I had reenlisted, I would have wanted my ceremony to be at a Buffalo Wild Wings, with the Uniform of the Day being rainbow PT gear and all-weather coats.

    This is a moot point, however, as that was never going to happen.

  • The Military Discount

    The Military Discount

    Every veteran or service member has been faced with whether or not they want to ask for the military discount at select retailers and restaurants. Maybe it’s painless at a famously patriotic stop like Lowes or Home Depot, or maybe it’s less advertised and more awkward.

    Do you go for it? Do you ask for the discount? It can’t hurt, right?

    As you may imagine if you’ve been following Terminal Lance for a while, I’m with Abe on this one. If a business wants to give me 10-15% off my purchase because I wore camouflage or whatever, that’s their problem and my gain. Life is hard enough, I’ll take what I can get. Maybe it’s awkward for some, but I went to Iraq twice and I grew up poor as hell.

    You think I’m too good to take advantage of the world’s largest corporation giving me 10% off a new iPad? Hell no I’m not.

    If you’re anything like me, you may appreciate this comprehensive list of places you can shamelessly play the Veteran card.

    Speaking of being shameless, please check out the official TL Patreon! My goal is to get enough subscribers on Patreon that we no longer need these eye-sore ads. Help Terminal Lance go ad-free and subscribe today!

    …There is no military discount.

  • Stop Everything

    Stop Everything

    People typically think that junior-enlisted Marines have no power over the world around them. This simply isn’t true. If a junior-enlisted Marine wants to stop everything, everywhere, all at once, all they have to do is lose a piece of serialized gear.

    There is nothing more heart-stopping, butt-puckering, and brow-sweatingly panic-inducing as losing a piece of serialized gear. The world stops for nothing… Except for this.

    Serialized gear is anything that has been issued to you by the armory, essentially. Any weapon, equipment, or gear that you don’t get to keep in your barracks room is considered “serialized.”

    (This is different than your typical CIF loadout that includes your pack and sleeping system, et all)

    While the military might have the highest budget of any singular entity on earth, you’d better believe if you lose a $1200 piece of gear that your ass is going to pay for it.

    Don’t be the one.

    Also, please support TL on Patreon! Help us so we don’t have to start shilling energy drinks and protein powders.

  • Cozy Bungalow at Twentynine Palms

    Cozy Bungalow at Twentynine Palms

    Welcome to this exclusive cozy, rustic bungalow with industrial vibes in beautiful Twentynine Palms! This converted conex box is located in a gated community with armed security, so you’ll feel safe and sound day and night.

    This authentic experience comes with up to three MRE’s per person, per day, and your own dusty corner to sleep in. To maintain its rustic charm, there is no running water in this vacation rental. Bathroom facilities can be found all across the community in the form of bright blue port-a-shitters. Each port-a-shitter is decorated with hand-drawn art from local craftsmen.

    ADVISORY: Please avoid interacting with the locals, as they can be crude and unusual to visitors. As well, do avoid swimming or making any kind of contact with the beautiful Lake Bandini, as it is toxic.

    Enjoy your stay!

  • The 7-Ton Guy

    The 7-Ton Guy

    Not all heroes wear capes. In this case, they tend to wear boots-and-utes and are under 5’6″ (so they can stand up straight in the back of the 7-ton).

    The 7-ton guy is the hero we need, but definitely don’t deserve. They risk their backs and their bare hands to make sure those packs are stacked up and easy to pull out upon arrival to your (terrible) destination.

    The 7-ton guy is the guy that is always there for us, even when we’re not there for ourselves. He’s the guy that you want to buy a beer for, even though he didn’t ask for one. He’s just there… Ready and waiting, until duty calls.

    Thank you for your service, 7-ton guy.

  • Proper Civilian Attire II

    Proper Civilian Attire II

    Marines have the highest standards of professionalism at all times. Whether you’re on the clock in your uniform, or off work doing beer-bongs with your boys from the 3rd deck catwalk, you’re expected to wear proper attire.

    The Corps’ idea of “proper civilian attire” is somewhere between high school virgin and 48 year old divorced dad with a golfing problem. Apparently, it’s considered proper to wear a buttoned up polo shirt tucked into mom-jeans with go-fasters on your feet.

    But like all things in the Corps, there’s a reason for this. If you look like a complete tool, you’re less likely to get in trouble. Reduced liberty incidents, reduced pregnancies and early marriages, reduced invitations to parties where there may be hard drugs and alcohol. It’s a win-win for Uncle Sam.