Author: Maximilian

I’m hoping this strip doesn’t hit too close to home for anyone… well, actually yeah I do. I don’t really think this is above or below any other subject I’ve brought up on this site, but without delving too far into my personal life, I will say that this is an inevitable reality when Marines are sent overseas for long periods of time with no sexual contact. Of course that doesn’t mean we don’t indulge in the occasional self-gratification, but there’s no preventing the ineluctable, awkward first night back with your loved one.

I’d like to abruptly change the subject to something notably more important. Combat Artists Michael Fay and Robert Bates, as well as musician Mike Corrado have begun an effort called “Still in the Fight”. The goal of Still in the Fight is to raise awareness and to share the stories of combat veterans and wounded service members through art and music. Right now, Still in the Fight is raising funds for the creation of a music video that will further go to support organizations that directly support Wounded Warriors and their families, as well as continue to raise awareness to the cause.

Robert Bates and Michael Fay are both combat veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can personally vouch for their legitimacy.

Still in the Fight’s goal right now is to raise $35,000 in the 2 months. For donating, you will be rewarded with various contribution-based prizes depending on how much you donate.

Please visit their fundraiser site here.

You can check them out on Facebook by clicking here as well.

Now, I know when we did our Toys for Tots fundraiser, we were able to raise over $3,000 in less than 10 days (despite the unfortunate outcome). I’m sure you awesome folks can help out this cause, and even get some great swag to show for it. It’s worth taking a look at, at the very least. Even if you don’t have much to give, just spreading the word will go a long way.

And with that, I wish you all a fine weekend. I’ll see you next week!

OH! And before I forget, there’s TWO MORE PRINTS LEFT FOR SALE! Grab one here before they’re gone!

I seem to be focusing a lot on the subject of penises in bathroom stalls lately… perhaps I also suffer from this phallic-obsession like so many Marines before me. Regardless, I find the idea a source of endless amusement for me. Marines every day send me emails with photo attachments of the various penile-art pieces that coat the walls, ceilings and floors of their sheltered places–and I laugh at every one of them.

On the subject of shitter graffiti though–many Marines have asked me what the story behind Wagner is. Everyone wants to know who this mythical creature of port-a-john fame is and why his name is crudely drawn in every stall from al Anbar to Helmand. Well, my friends, I think I have enough information to finally set the story straight.

I received a plethoric amount of emails concerning the matter, almost every one of them had a different story. However, one email in particular stood out to me… an email from Wagner himself:

Story behind Wagner loves the cock.  Alright first off I want to start off by saying that is complete bullshit and I am going to kill my at the time Cpl who started it I was a lance.  2005 Hit Iraq our unit took over FOB Hit and the AO associated with it from an Army Unit, there was an Army LT whos name was Wagnor and they all hated her.  Ok that’s how it started now my Cpl saw it in a port of shitter and thought it would be funny to change it to my spelling.  It caught on to my whole unit and it spread across the world.  This is coming from the Actual Wagner all others can fuck off with their bull shit stories.

Why do I believe this email over the others? Because I received more than one email to back this story up. I got emails ranging from a Sergeant Major named Wagner that no one liked to a kid that went UA. Some stories I got said it started in 2008, which can’t be true, because I personally remember reading “WAGNER LOVES COCK” before then during my own enlistment (I joined in 2006). This email sent to me by someone that knows Wagner also backs up his claim to fame:

Wagner loves the cock started in Dec 2005 at FOB Hit in Iraq.  We were with the 22nd MEU at Al Asad and were waiting to head out to HIT and had an 0231 named Wagner with us who made the comment one day that he hated the COC.  Our systems guy wrote “Wagner loves the COC” on a dusty window in the building we were using until we left.  We got to hit and someone with the army unit we relieved had written “I want some dick”, so I wrote Wagner next to it as a joke.  The next day we saw the first “Wagner loves the cock”, and thought it was funny so we wrote it a few more places.  I suspect our systems guy Adam wrote the first one, but never found out for sure before we parted ways.  Our whole unit started writing it in every porta john they used, especially the grunts who were debriefed by wagner, as they thought it was hilarious.

Although the two versions of the story are slightly different, the time period and the units match up. These weren’t the only two emails I received concerning the matter that coincided with this tale, but these two were the most complete in telling the story. It is possible that other Wagner instances appeared in different parts of the world at the same time, but I do believe this to be the Wagner in question. Wagner was a Marine with the 22nd MEU in 2005, in Hit, Iraq.

To Wagner, I salute you, and all you’ve done for bored Marines dropping deuces with writing-utensils everywhere.

Sent by Colin Burch.

You’ll have to excuse the crudeness of today’s strip. I haven’t really had time to put together a real one, but aside from that, my Intuos pen found its way into the washing machine today and is no longer in service. I’ll have to do the strips by hand until I’m able to acquire a new one. I used to do all of the strips by hand, actually, until I left Hawaii back in May of last year. I had planned on switching back to doing them by hand, but the ease of the digital age ended up getting the best of me.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave (har har) for the last couple of days, I’m sure you know by now that Osama bin Laden is dead. I’m sure you’ve seen the flurry of idiotic Facebook statuses ranging anywhere from “FUCK THOSE SAND COONS” to “omg we shouldn’t be celebrating someone’s death because I have virtually no understanding of the last ten years and haven’t cared about the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan at all–which is completely true, but I’m going to pretend like I give a shit right now.”

Whatever your own social networking update, there’s no hiding from it. For me personally, I feel that the President did a fine job of summing it up by saying:

“His demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.”

Hey, if it’s good enough for a Nobel Peace Prize winner, it’s good enough for me.

Is the idea of celebrating someone’s death a little bit morbid? Yes, but this isn’t someone. This is America’s most prolific enemy in a very long time. This is the man responsible for September 11th, 2001–and all of the devastation that followed for the next ten years. He was an enemy to the American people in the most lucid sense of the word, and his death is a great victory for our nation on all accounts. Will it change anything in the short run? No, of course not. The war is not over, the enemy still exists and will continue to fight; and probably more importantly, we will continue to fight them.

I typically pride myself on my civility, as it’s something I believe all humans should embrace (even us Neanderthal sub-humans). I truly believe that the human race can only move forward through absolute pacifism on a global scale. Our species as a whole would do a great deed to themselves by throwing their weapons down and moving forward in the many fields of sciences, such as astrophysics, biology and medicine. I would love to fire every Marine and put that money into the space program where the vast expanses of space and everything in between would be ours for the exploring. New planets, civilizations, theories, worlds and technologie await us in this utopian future.

Unfortunately, this future is a long way off, and I am a member of our imperfect, barbaric society along with the rest of you. It is thus, that I decree, we embrace the brutality of this situation that has arisen. Thousands gathered in the streets last night chanting into the darkness the glory of the United States, all over the death–or more correctly, the assassination–of one man.

No, we are still in the same brutal, callous world that we’ve always been in. A world where things are not perfect, and people do not throw their arms down in support of a greater cause. We live in a world where heinous actions do not go unnoticed, and this weekend justice was dealt where justice was needed–in the form of a bullet to the chest and another to the head.

Most importantly though, we live in a world that embraced it–and rightfully so.

I don’t want anyone to think I’m making fun of suicide or anything serious here, just the safety stand-down in a general sense. Everyone whose been on a holiday 96 knows the horrendous experience of a safety stand-down. For whatever reason, the Marine Corps’ idea of preventing injury to fellow Marines is to make them sit through a mind-numbing six hours of classes prior to letting them enjoy a long weekend. I don’t know what statistical evidence there is to support this idea; I’m sure it exists, but for the most part, I don’t personally feel that six hours of texting-time is an effective way to put a stop to drunk-driving or more dire situations like suicide.

Perhaps a more effective way to combat these problems would be to allow these briefs to be done on a more personal level, perhaps at the platoon leadership or even lower. Training NCO’s and small-unit leaders to brief Marines on the dangers of everything the Marine Corps hates would probably be more effective, as having to meander to the base-theater in droves for an apathetic series of briefs on things they already know is somewhat redundant. Marines–well, anyone really–tend to tune out things performed in this manner anyway. Everyone knows that in education, smaller class-sizes are more effective–I don’t think this would be any different.

I’m sure you noticed there was no comic on Tuesday. I’m still working on finals, and I predict there probably won’t be another comic this coming Tuesday as well. I expect things to return to normal after next week, as it is the last week of school for me until summer. Once summer is here, I plan on making a lot of changes to the site, as well as some bigger Terminal Lance projects. Look forward to new things in the coming months.

For those of you desperate for a new Terminal Lance comic next week, pick up the Marine Corps Times! New Terminal Lance comics premier in the Marine Corps Times every week–so don’t miss out!

When I was in Iraq, I always did my best to avoid the local food. Some Marines considered it a fun opportunity to try something new, and were usually met with a surprise-trip to the port-a-shitter later in the day. Perhaps it is my natural distaste for goat and lamb, but I only tasted the meat once, and never swallowed it. I will concede though; the hovas bread was actually really delicious.

I recall one week where multiple higher-ranking and billeted members of our platoon were struck with dysentery–the price of having regular meetings with the local sheiks and indulging on their USDA Grade-F goat meat.

Additionally, can someone email me the actual story behind “Wagner loves cock”? I’ve read it probably a thousand times in port-a-shitters, but never actually knew who Wagner was.

This strip came to me tonight when I was sitting on the shitter, stricken by Red Robin’s “Banzai Burger” (which is questionably “Hawaiian” despite the Japanese name). Apparently a teriyaki-soaked slab of ground flesh with cheese isn’t ideal for one’s digestive system–who knew? Despite my toilet-bound endeavors tonight, I was mostly disappointed to find that they no longer serve the coveted “Chili Chili Cheeseburger,” which has been a favorite of mine and the only chili burger I’ve ever really enjoyed since I was about 14. I cried a little, but I think it had more to do with the scalding fountain of liquid excrement expelling from my body than the loss of my beloved Chili Chili Cheeseburger.

In other news, I have crunch week coming up with finals following. I haven’t decided if I’m going to post any new comics during this week–possibly not, as I will be balls deep in animation homework. Last semester I didn’t have this conundrum, as I was only taking a mere 15 credits. Having added a sixth class to my semester was idiotic, but I’ve been managing thus far. Unfortunately, animation is very similar to drawing the strip–except I have to draw about 1000 different images individually to make it move. Animation is a love and hate relationship, but more love than hate. It is an art of patience, of little pay-off–but ultimately prideful victory in what you get out of it.

Like I said, I haven’t decided yet, but I will update with the status of new comics next week when the time comes.

Oh, and one last thing; you can get some deals at the Terminal Lance Store from now until Monday, April 25th.

Enter the coupon code “AprilSweet” to save $5 off any order.

Enter the coupon code “AprilSugar” to save $10 off a subtotal of $50+

Enter the coupon code “AprilCandy” to save $35 off a subtotal of $100+

Offer is valid until April 25th!

The Lance Corporal Underground is a powerful force within the Corps. It acts as an information superhighway as fast as any internet connection, phone line or otherwise for your inter-company and battalion rumors. It’s remarkably accurate for the most part–that is, unless you are unable to filter out the things that get tacked onto the rumors like titties and beer.

Today’s strip has some interesting notes about it. For starters, it was entirely done by hand. I decided that this particular tribute could only be properly done by hand with real ink on comic board. For those of you that are interested in classic American illustration, I’m sure you’ve already noticed the abode to Norman Rockwell within the layout of the strip. Lastly, all of these characters are real people! Well, not all of them, but I’ll leave you to decide which ones are or aren’t.

Unfortunately I’m a little too tired to think of anything remarkably witty to say, so I will leave you short tonight and wish you the best. See you Friday, devil-fighting-war-dogs.

One of the many fond memories I have of bootcamp is that of the many excursions we had to the men’s room. As I remember it, my platoon of roughly 50 Marines was forced to use the “head” all at the same time. There were a total of 8 urinals in the main bathroom, with some “shitters” down the hall. It was the only time in my life (that I can recall, at least) that I have ever shared a urinal with 3 other men. Results like you see here in today’s strip were a daily occurrence.

As well as these urine-based bonding moments between fellow men, bootcamp was the only time that dropping a deuce became a social activity. When you had to do the deed, you would go up to your buddy and ask, “Hey you wanna go take a shit?” Instead of being met with obvious disgust and confusion, as I’m sure you would be in the “real world,” in bootcamp you’re more often than not responded to with an obliged “yes, I’d love to take a shit with you”. Well, maybe not so articulate (probably with more fuckin‘s), but you get the idea anyway.

I know I’ve said it again and again, but expect some new things to come to the site some time soon. Probably after my finals are over. I’m in the final stretch of the semester now, so naturally it’s crunch time. In art school, that doesn’t involve any kind of studying, it just involves work. Especially in terms of animation… and with two animation classes this semester, I would expect that I won’t see sunlight any time until the end of the semester.

No matter what endeavors you have going on, whether it be stateside or overseas, have a good weekend. See you next time.

I recently watched the BBC series “Life” on BluRay and came to the conclusion that a Staff NCO on the prowl is actually quite similar to a large cat hunting grazing animals of the African Savannah. Now that I say that out loud (or on screen I suppose), maybe I’ve just been watching too many documentaries. While the comparison may hold some amount of weight on the surface, there is a very important difference between the two:

Lions and other large cats hunt animals to survive, often risking their lives to bring down prey so it can live to hunt another day. This is a matter of life and death for the lion.

For the Staff NCO (or extremely motivated NCO)? Not so much. I’ve never felt an intrinsic or instinctual urge to yell at someone for putting their cold hands in their pockets. I’ve never had any animalistic need to correct someone’s moostache hairs. Frankly, I really wouldn’t care if I saw a Marine wearing a cammie blouse and no pants–in fact, I’d slap him on the ass and tell him “good game!”

I think I ended up focussing more on the moral implications of internet porn versus regular format porn. Either way, I don’t know anyone that actually pays for porn anymore. If they do, they probably don’t know what the internet is anyway.

In more important news, I’m sure everyone is aware of the pay freeze going on. Being a student these days, I only know what I’ve read in the papers about it. I do know that it is completely absurd. For starters, how did it even get to this point? I always thought there was some plan in place to prevent things like this from actually happening. Backup plans, plan “B”s, alternatives, preparations… but then again, having worked for the government for a 4 year contract, I suppose I am absolutely able to believe that they had no backup plan.

I choose to keep Terminal Lance a-political, and I won’t get into it today either. However, I think it’s rather despicable on all parties involved that the men and women serving the nation have to deal with this directly. Granted, there will be back pay from what I understand; but we have enough problems already, and this doesn’t help anyone. Instead of compromise, they chose to say simply: fuck it.

I hope all of this nonsense gets sorted out quickly.

Otherwise, have a good weekend! I’ve been getting a lot of emails about prints. I’m going to try and get some put up for sale soon, so look forward for that in the indefinite, but near future.