Author: Maximilian

Drill Instructors have a kind of magical, cartoon quality about them. The animated characters that run around yelling at recruits all day have a certain kinship and likeness to many of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons. I’m fairly certain I once saw a DI pull a large wooden mallet out of his back and smack a recruit in the face with it.

But really, DI’s are always fun to laugh at in retrospect. Their exaggerated movements, gestures and voices create someone that is no longer human–but rather, a character. Love them or hate them, I guarantee you’ve done a DI impression at some point in your life (if you’re a Marine). The trademark frog voice and knife-hands are as unforgettable afterward as they are feared in recruit training.

I’ve been out for about 10 months now, and knife-hands still get me every time. Seriously… knife-hands? Possibly the most absurd and uniquely Marine Corps thing anyone’s ever shouted at me with the raging passion of a thousand hungry baboons is simply, “KNIFE HAAAAAAAANDS!”

Oh, and high-five for breaking the 20,000 Facebook fan mark! Lets keep it up! I know there’s more than 20,000 Marines in the Corps…

Someone mentioned this video on Facebook just after I posted this comic. For those of you who don’t fully understand the idea of “The Swarm,” here it is in full swing.

Perhaps this strip won’t ring true with everyone, but I always thought it was rather curious while I was aboard al Asad air base in 2009 to see this sight; junior enlisted females could often be seen enjoying chow with Staff NCO’s and other higher ranking individuals. However, you’d be hard-pressed to find a male Lance Corporal enjoying the same treatment from higher. One can speculate endlessly the reasons behind such events, but I will leave that up to the reader to interpret.

Take this as you will, but it’s an honest observation from my time during my 2nd deployment. I never really noticed this happening back stateside, but a lot of things don’t happen back stateside.

In other news, I had announced previously that I would be featured in the quarterly arts journal Line Zero; and it has since rung true. Perhaps not a journal that will appeal to everyone reading; but if you’re from Seattle or just a fan of the indie art scene, it might be worth checking out!

Also, don’t forget that you can find exclusive, original Terminal Lance strips weekly in the Marine Corps Times on newsstands every Monday (Tuesday for Hawaii from what I remember).

One last thing. This Marine is my hero:

This photo added by Dave Hines on the Terminal Lance Facebook page just made me so happy. A Lance Corporal with a full stack and two hash marks. Looks like it’s time to end that contract, broseph.

With the exception of the characters of Abe and Garcia, this is actually a true story. I remember my first patrol in 2007, fresh out of CAX and ready to spot anything on the road that was worth spotting. Unfortunately, what they don’t tell you is that there’s trash everywhere. There was no organized trash cleanup going on amongst the Iraqi people when I was there; just leftover piss bottles, MRE bags and anything else the Iraqi’s didn’t want. Aside from trash, there were also craters and “suspicious” dirt marks lining every road.

Eventually the uncertain feeling of looming death goes away and with our daily outings into Zaidon it became clear what was supposed to be there and what wasn’t, but I would say that the first week or two were butt-clenchingly terrifying every time we went over a bump or drove next to something I hadn’t seen before.

There are some big things in loom for Terminal Lance. Notably, I will be at Wondercon in San Francisco April 1-3! Obviously there’s not a whole lot of Marines around the Bay Area, but those of you that may be around here I look forward to seeing. In conjunction with the Concord Vet Center, we’ll possibly be doing some giveaways or raffles or some shit. Either way, it’ll be awesome and I’ll be there–dressed as Captain America. Okay that last part isn’t true, but only because I’ll be representing Terminal Lance, not Marvel Comics.

There are other things in store, but nothing I can really talk about right now…

Obviously this is an exaggeration, but I do know Marines that have framed their promotion warrant multiples of the same rank. I personally never got busted down, I just never picked up because of cutting scores (well, while I was active anyway–I think it’s common knowledge now that I got promoted in the IRR). A Marine that’s been busted down doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a shit-bag; a lot of good guys get demoted for a variety of reasons–some notably worse than others. Point being, just because someone’s got a few Lance Corporal warrants on his wall doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy.

You’ll notice the panel layout here is decidedly different than usual. I’m finding myself feeling the need to expand my horizons a bit while in my “History of Illustration” class this semester. Seeing works of incredible guys like Winsor McCay and James Montgomery Flagg every day is making me feel a little self conscious about my own work. Obviously Terminal Lance (the webcomic at least) has never really been the pinnacle of my artistic endeavors, but it’s still my baby.

Last week I went on a rant about the infamous photo I added to Facebook. In fact, out of all of the things I said last week between underwater promotions and Water Dogs, the one thing that got people upset was the fact that I mentioned Glenn Beck in my post. Glenn-fucking-Beck. I was shocked, truly, that people were defending Glenn Beck. I honestly didn’t think anyone watched his show without a sense of irony. In my head it’s always gone something like this amongst his die-hard fans:

“Hey Glenn Beck is on,” says guy.

“Glenn Beck?! That guy’s fucking hilarious! He’s crazy as shit but it’s so much fun to watch, like an exorcism or something,” replies other guy.

I was told to keep my opinion to myself. Really? This entire website is my opinion. If you’re not interested in it, I suggest you read another Marine Corps humor comic/blog.

My opinion on Glenn Beck? Well, I enjoyed 1973’s The Exorcist because of the well thought-out direction and genuine horror. I’ve never enjoyed Glenn Beck because he doesn’t provide genuine horror, but rather subliminal cheap scare tactics (that is, of course, assuming you can call looping Nazi footage in every other episode subliminal or even vaguely subtle) to get ratings. He’s just another television hack, making oodles of money off of fear-mongering.

Left, right–who cares? I just try to watch good TV.

One last thing:

The always-impressive Combat Artist Michael Fay (CWO, retired) is always up to something worth noting. Most recently, he took a trip to the Hunter Holmes McGuire Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Richmond, Virginia and produced another amazing body of work that can be viewed here at the National Post website.

Mike also did a series of articles for the New York Times blog section the “Opinionator” and another NYT section called Frontlines.

Michael Fay is a member of the International Society of War Artists. Info about them can be found at their blog here.

You may also remember Michael Fay’s work in Terminal Lance, when I was in the middle of moving from Hawaii to Oregon. Mike has been a huge help to the success of Terminal Lance, behind the scenes, and continues to be!

I don’t think me and the 1171 Water Dog will ever get along properly. My only experience with one was at the range in Hawaii. My company got stuck sharing the range with HQBN that time, and I recall quite vividly my limited moments with the infamous Water Dog. He was snarky, cocky and very proud of the fact that his job was “way easier” than ours. I do remember him trying to pick up on some female Marine, to which I don’t believe he was successful. My experience was not but a few hours of sitting and shooting during qual week, but it was enough for me to embark on my everlasting vendetta.

As you may recall, this isn’t the first time I’ve brought them up. Or even the second. Something about hearing him say, “They call us WATER DOGS!” brought forth emotions only matched by the sound of a shrieking child in a theater, or the first time I watched Two Girls, One Cup. The feelings I have for the 1171 Water Technician will never be satiated through any regular discourse–and for you 1171’s reading, you have that one Marine at the range on that infamous day to thank.

On a side note, I’d like to apologize for the late update. I’ve mentioned before I’m a double-major at my school, as well as taking 18 credits this semester. Needless to say, I am very busy these days.

I’d like to also take a moment to talk about a photo I put up on the Facebook Fan Page that garnered quite a bit of attention. Now, I’d like to clarify that this photo was sent to me via email. It was already part of a long string of emails sent down a line of increasingly upset Staff NCO’s over the photo. Why were they upset? Beats me, I thought the photo was hilarious and awesome on many levels. It’s not ruining the Marine Corps, it’s someone who wanted to have their re-enlistment ceremony in the water. If you find yourself getting upset over this photo, I implore you to take a step back and remember that it doesn’t matter. Are Marines dying over it? No? Then who cares?

If I would have re-upped, I think my ceremony would’ve been under the water–in a shark cage. I would strap my warrant to the largest shark circling us in the chummed waters; and at the right moment the Officer in Charge would have to wrestle the shark with not but an MRE spoon and a wag-bag, completely naked. Upon killing the shark, he would take out the still-beating heart and present it to me along with the warrant. I would then take the heart above water and sprinkle it’s contents on the warrant, sealing it’s authenticity with the blood of a fresh kill.

All of it filmed and sent to Fox News so that Glenn Beck can prance in front of a chalk board and call me a socialist Nazi.

Anyway, the point being, no one cares. Or, correctly, no one should care.

One last note: I will be at Wondercon in San Francisco April 1-3rd, in conjunction with the Concord Vet Center. All the details are fuzzy right now, but I’ll have more to update when I know. We’re looking at getting some goodies to give out and of course I’ll be there to sign autographs!

Stay tuned for more details on that.

I think the rape whistle bit might go over the heads of some of our POGier friends reading the strip. For those of you not in the know, often times even us grunts are issued a gear list before embarking on a field op. This doesn’t always happen, and is wholly dependent on the command, but when it does there is almost always a rape whistle, a giant clothespin, and bug repellent on it. It’s as if the CO was going on his first field op and was so insecure about all of the useless drivel he was bringing that he went and had the company clerk tell everyone to bring the same thing so he wouldn’t look lame.

Gear lists weren’t a practice for me during my first workup, as my CO of the time was a pretty hard-chargin’ guy. My second workup, however, wasn’t quite as liberal in terms of our ILBE’s. Instead, issuing out ridiculous lists, “Well you get paid this weekend, go out and get the items for next week,” was a fairly standard-issue sentiment from him. In my humble opinion, a gear list should be limited to what a Marine needs to conduct the training. Basically, make sure you bring your PPE, maybe some cleaning gear. Everything else should be up to the individual Marines to worry about–if they pack too light, oh-fucking-well.

Also, before I forget, I hope you all had a great Valentine’s Day! Hopefully not too many of you were stuck in the field for it. It’s happened to me before. I didn’t mind so much because my girlfriend at the time was off-island anyway, but there were married Marines in my platoon stuck out there–on base–in the “field”. I also spent a Valentine’s Day at beautiful 29 Palms one year during my second run at Mojave Viper. That, however, was largely unavoidable.

Everyone dreads the day that their peer picks up the coveted rank of Corporal before them. That ceremonious day of pins and bloodstripes is always a lamentable occasion, because you know the next day he’ll be placed in charge of all of you and will have majestically transformed into a giant bag of douche seemingly overnight. Yes, the new Corporal usually takes a few weeks to plateau to a normal level again, and once he does it’s not so bad. Those first few weeks though are rough–peers are turned against each other, bonds are broken, and suddenly that extra stripe is the difference between a friendly beer and a field day inspection.

I think all Marines have a love/hate relationship with Corpsman. Many of them are great guys, well trained and just as brave as the average Marine. But, like the wealth of variety you get with Marines, so too are many Corpsman not quite up to snuff. It is a commonly accepted stereotype that Corpsman offer nothing to Marines outside of Motrin and sock-advice. While obviously that’s an exaggeration, as is the comic, it remains to be true that Corpsman are not doctors. I won’t argue that they need to be, either, but many of them truly believe themselves to be on par with House MD.

If there’s one thing that’s more annoying than the Corpsman that thinks he’s a doctor, it’s the Corpsman that thinks he’s a Marine. Perhaps I’m the only one who experienced this phenomenon, but we literally had a Corpsman that thought he was an 0331. He wasn’t. In fact, I think he actually tried to replace all of his medical knowledge with M240 nomenclature, because he sure as balls didn’t know anything about medicine.

Bottom line, Corpsman can be great. They’re completely necessary and are a vital asset to any squad. That, however, doesn’t mean I can’t make fun of them.

Speaking of doctors, I recently took a trip to see mine. Strangely, I randomly happened to get the one doctor in the hospital that used to be the battalion surgeon for 2/7 (many years ago, not going to mention names). He’s a nice guy and the Marine Corps connection gives us something to joke about, but it’s almost like I can’t get away from it… Then again, I am the creator of a successful Marine Corps humor comic as well.

I’d like to take a moment to talk about the graphic novel. No, not any juicy bits you want to hear, but just some clarification. It is a fact that I am working on it–however, it is also fact that I am doing so at my leisure. At this stage, I am merely writing it and working on character designs and concepts. Please, do not expect anything for quite some time.

I will say this though: it will redefine the war story graphic novel. (If there is such a definition)

Gong Xi Fa Coi to you! If you haven’t noticed, many cultures around the world celebrated the Chinese New Year this week. I don’t personally follow it much, but my wife is Asian so I tend to hear about these things. I don’t really have a whole lot to say on this strip, other than the fact that Marines in general don’t really care about holidays of other cultures if it doesn’t directly concern them (e.g., a 96, or Ramadan in country). Regardless, I’m sure many of you may have celebrated it and I wish you the best. Perhaps those of you back stateside were able to go to a parade or something, perhaps not.

It’s passed 0200 and I’m pretty tired. 18 credits is pretty killer, but I still manage to do everything on time–including the strip.

The kinds of classes I’m doing? Well lets just say that this took me over three hours:

Have a great weekend, and forgive my poor spelling of foreign words.

You know exactly what I’m talking about. The Facebook poseur is the guy you see wearing the the brand new kevlar, the interceptor vest, the M16-A2 and improperly fitting gear. He’s the guy that’s never been anywhere, done anything worth mentioning, but lives out his Call of Duty pipe-dreams with the occasional range week where he actually gets to wear all that shiny gear he was issued at CIF (for whatever reason). He doesn’t lie about his Marine Corps experience, just feigns the truth through “badass” profile photos and vague status updates.

All of us, I’m sure, have posted one photo or another that depicts us in our uniforms. That’s not the point, however. The point is that boots may be obvious to the trained eye, but to the average civilian back home–they won’t know the difference. Body armor and weapons look cool on anyone! What they won’t realize is the difference between an M16-A2 or an A4 or M4; the difference between the interceptor vest and an MTV or modern plate carrier–hell, they most certainly won’t be able to tell whether or not there’s even sapi-plates in the damned things. It’s one thing to make your parents and friends proud, but don’t overdo it.

I know it’s super cool to take a photo of yourself the first time you put on that fresh new body armor–but please resist the urge to show it to anyone.