Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance #106 “The Water Dog”

February 19, 2011

I don’t think me and the 1171 Water Dog will ever get along properly. My only experience with one was at the range in Hawaii. My company got stuck sharing the range with HQBN that time, and I recall quite vividly my limited moments with the infamous Water Dog. He was snarky, cocky and very proud of the fact that his job was “way easier” than ours. I do remember him trying to pick up on some female Marine, to which I don’t believe he was successful. My experience was not but a few hours of sitting and shooting during qual week, but it was enough for me to embark on my everlasting vendetta.

As you may recall, this isn’t the first time I’ve brought them up. Or even the second. Something about hearing him say, “They call us WATER DOGS!” brought forth emotions only matched by the sound of a shrieking child in a theater, or the first time I watched Two Girls, One Cup. The feelings I have for the 1171 Water Technician will never be satiated through any regular discourse–and for you 1171’s reading, you have that one Marine at the range on that infamous day to thank.

On a side note, I’d like to apologize for the late update. I’ve mentioned before I’m a double-major at my school, as well as taking 18 credits this semester. Needless to say, I am very busy these days.

I’d like to also take a moment to talk about a photo I put up on the Facebook Fan Page that garnered quite a bit of attention. Now, I’d like to clarify that this photo was sent to me via email. It was already part of a long string of emails sent down a line of increasingly upset Staff NCO’s over the photo. Why were they upset? Beats me, I thought the photo was hilarious and awesome on many levels. It’s not ruining the Marine Corps, it’s someone who wanted to have their re-enlistment ceremony in the water. If you find yourself getting upset over this photo, I implore you to take a step back and remember that it doesn’t matter. Are Marines dying over it? No? Then who cares?

If I would have re-upped, I think my ceremony would’ve been under the water–in a shark cage. I would strap my warrant to the largest shark circling us in the chummed waters; and at the right moment the Officer in Charge would have to wrestle the shark with not but an MRE spoon and a wag-bag, completely naked. Upon killing the shark, he would take out the still-beating heart and present it to me along with the warrant. I would then take the heart above water and sprinkle it’s contents on the warrant, sealing it’s authenticity with the blood of a fresh kill.

All of it filmed and sent to Fox News so that Glenn Beck can prance in front of a chalk board and call me a socialist Nazi.

Anyway, the point being, no one cares. Or, correctly, no one should care.

One last note: I will be at Wondercon in San Francisco April 1-3rd, in conjunction with the Concord Vet Center. All the details are fuzzy right now, but I’ll have more to update when I know. We’re looking at getting some goodies to give out and of course I’ll be there to sign autographs!

Stay tuned for more details on that.