Author: Maximilian

If you’re not sure what Abe’s referring to here, you’re probably either in the Army or not in the military at all. Most Marines will gladly tell you that we get the Army’s hand-me-downs, the shit they no longer need or want after they get their new gear every couple of months. The point here is that of course the Army would get something as awesome as Captain America–a fucking super-soldier–while the Marines are left to play in the dirt with… themselves.

Anyway, I don’t really have a whole lot to say on the strip, but I am going to talk about the movie!

Today was an immensely exciting day for me.

I’ve been waiting–for many years now–for the release of a Captain America film revival. Thankfully, with Marvel’s Avengers series building up, I’ve finally been gifted with the film adaptation of my all-time favorite super hero. Yes, Captain America has been my star hero for years. I like Batman, I like Superman, I like Spider-Man, I like Iron Man–but Captain America holds a place in my heart rivaled by no other.

So, needless to say, I found myself at the midnight premier of the film tonight and am going to give a quick review of it for those of you interested in seeing it.

I’m sure you’re all aware by now the basic premise of the story. Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), a weakly 90lb kid repeatedly tries to enlist into the Army during WWII. He’s turned away a few times before being discovered by a scientist, Dr. Erskine, who takes an interest in him due to his persistance and heart in the matter. No matter how many times he gets turned away, his moral obligation to the call of duty keeps him trying at MEPS. Generous amounts of computer effects are used to turn Chris Evans into a 90lb, 5 ft-nothing vagina, but its actually admirably done and you probably won’t even notice with today’s technical wizardry.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Steve is injected with the coveted “Super Soldier Serum”, exposed to “Vita-Rays” (I don’t think anyone’s ever actually explained to… anyone… what “Vita-Rays” actually are) and locked in a scary tube. When he emerges, he’s grown about a foot in height and is so swoll’ and shirtless you may notice every woman in the theater trying desperately to cover their massive boners. I don’t know how much Nitrotech Chris Evans must’ve free-based in order to achieve such mass, but I have a feeling his workout routine involved Arnold Schwarzenegger and mud-wrestling grizzly bears.

Moving on, the scientist that invents the Super-Soldier Serum is immediately assassinated afterward, preventing anyone from ever being able to concoct such madness a 2nd time. However, Steve Rogers wasn’t the only person injected with this stuff. Before defecting to the US, Erskine gave the serum to Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving), a Nazi with Hitler’s “HYDRA” command. The serum “had side-effects” (holy shit understatement) and turned Hugo Weaving into a Nazi with a red skull for a head and apparent super-strength. This differs from his actual origin story in the comics, but whatever it works and isn’t really any more ridiculous.

Without spoiling too much, the Captain goes on to personally lead a team in fighting the Red Skull’s group and ultimately the guy himself.

In the short run: This movie was a lot better than I expected.

Why did I expect it to be bad? Well, I used to be a huge Jurassic Park fan. Why does that matter? Because Joe Johnston was who ruined the franchise with his ball-punchingly awful Jurassic Park III. The movie was horrible–it completely missed the theme of Spielberg’s first two (don’t play God) and decided to turn it into a mindless monster flick with dinosaurs. Joe Johnston directed Jurassic Park III, and he also directed Captain America: The First Avenger.

Back to Captain America, the World War II setting is relatively well-done. My biggest complaint about it is just that it felt very artificial–which I was more or less expecting with another Marvel Studios film. Everything was clean, polished and camera-ready. In an era where good films tend to lean toward a grittier, more realistic approach, I have to admit I think the artificial “movie” look is getting to be very dated and somewhat unpleasant.

Outside of the aesthetics, I suppose two things stood out to me most that I did not like. I didn’t like the laser guns. I’m sorry, but they added nothing to the story and more or less completely ruined an otherwise fine art direction. Laser guns aren’t cool, and the cheesy pseudo-ninja outfits the HYDRA Nazis were wearing weren’t cool either. As much as we all hate Nazis, you have to admit they had some pretty badass uniforms–all of which were completely stripped away and replaced with cookie-cutter “futuristic” soldiers with laser rifles and energy weapons. Guns are cool, Nazis look really cool already–you didn’t need to make them some kind of bastardized future-soldier Nazis.

My second biggest gripe was the montage scene. Holy shit Joe, a montage scene? Really? This is still World War II right? Instead of showing some gritty, hardcore WWII action with the Captain and his band of merry men slaughtering the shit out of Nazis, you decided to gloss over about 80% of it with a completely inappropriate montage of them blowing shit up with the Red Skull basically shaking his fist at them. It’s hard for me to think of any situation outside of John Cusack movies about skiing in the 80’s where montages are effective and appropriate, but it absolutely didn’t work for me here.

Outside of that, I found the movie to be largely entertaining, and easily the best comic movie to come out recently (not counting Christopher Nolan’s Batman series of course, since those are really on a whole other level of filmmaking). I was honestly expecting Jonston to destroy my beloved Captain, but he ended up pulling through with a movie I wouldn’t mind seeing again. Chris Evans did as great of a job as anyone could as Steve Rogers–I absolutely loved the revamped costume, and the majority of the movie is well-executed, sans a montage.

There were really only two ways to do this joke:

1. End it with the obvious answer: Abe literally shits something out

2. End it with something else.

I went with the latter. For those of you bewildered at the images above, the phrase, “You’d better shit me one!” is extremely commonplace in the Corps. This is a subject I feel like a lot of people have probably been expecting me to do for some time, with it probably ending in the former of the options. I’ve had this in my head for a while, but actually figuring out a way to do it without resorting to the obvious punchline was difficult. If you’re disappointed, well, I assure you there are plenty of places on the internet you can find foreign objects being excreted from one’s rectum.

The “Literally” strip is one I’ve always loved, and one I’ve been meaning to follow up with some of the more ridiculous sayings commonly used around base. I suppose the late arrival of this strip is just the result of new ideas being… well… newer. I have a tendency to write jokes, then write new ones. When I come around to re-reading the older jokes, they are no longer funny to me since they aren’t new (to me anyway). After all, most jokes are only funny once (unless of course you’re accusing someone of putting shit in your pants, that never gets old). The ultimate result of this is that these ideas end up getting shelved until I forget about them and they become funny again. Its a vicious cycle, I can’t tell you how many jokes you’ve all missed out on for not being in my head at the right time.

In other news, I spent the majority of today at the East Bay Veteran’s Fair at the Concord Hilton (Concord, CA). It was a lot of fun, I was invited by the great Aaron Mattia, a former Marine who also organized the WonderCon event (where he invited me as well). The day was fun, I basically wandered around and talked with random people, met a few fans that happened to be attending and even signed a hat! I was also interviewed by the local paper, but I was hardly the most noteworthy person there. There were a vast number of combat veterans, from Vietnam and up, all of them with incredible experiences of their own to tell.

Really though, talking to Marines is so much different than talking to the average civilian. There’s a certain mutual understanding, an agreement of humility you won’t find with the average person. Veterans are really just easy to talk to, you’re not trying to impress them and they aren’t trying to impress you.

Anyway, if you’re out and you find yourself having no idea what to do, head over to your local Vet Center and they’ll get you spun up on what you need to know. Don’t know where one is? Here, let me Google that for you.

A photo!

If you’ve got photos from the fair, put them up on the Facebook page! This here is Sergeant Sandoval from the BART Police, a great guy to talk to by any standard! (He also assures me the BART Police are great people, so don’t listen to the rumors!)

One last note: I’d like to just say that Sgt. Scott Moore is definitely Terminal Lance of the Week, if not month, for his stellar work getting Mila Kunis to go to the ball with him. While I have a feeling this is going to spawn a plethora of me-too douchebags trying to score dates with hot, famous girls, I must give kudos where it’s due.

Well this officially marks the end of the Necropocalypse. The last panel here actually had to change from my original plan in conjunction with editing I had to do to the actual Necropocalypse storyline. I know that many people loved it, including myself, but some weren’t as accepting of new things as others. I actually had a plan for Abe’s “rape kit,” but had to make some minor changes in the story in order to end it within 10 strips.

In any case, I think this ending is succinct and satisfying to me, so I’m happy with it.

Last update the whole female PFT thing caused quite a stir. People have sent me emails, saying my interpretation of the proposal is incorrect. I disagree, because I also have a copy of the proposal letter, and it’s all pretty clearly defined. Check out “Recommendations”, number 3.

This isn’t some kind of chauvinistic thing, I do believe that women make fine Marines and that the differences in body composition need to be acknowledged. With that said, wouldn’t it make more sense to evenly distribute the points for the pullups instead of granting a 75 point single pullup? If the pullup is a better measure of upper-body strength, as the paper suggests, and assuming the Marine Corps wants to move in that direction in regards to female Marines, I think it would be more fair to impose a 1-6 pullup test where each pullup is worth 16 points (or whatever scale you want really).

Obviously my opinion on the matter is simply one of many–the fact that I’m not even on active duty any more really moots my stance anyway. As well, before everyone gets all worked up over it, the paper does suggest that retaining the FAH is an “introductory” measure. This implies, though it doesn’t say explicitly, that this will probably go away at some point. Women already take a lot of flak in the Corps for just about everything, but things like this don’t help their image any in the boy’s club. I’ve had female Marines specifically tell me that they think its stupid they’ll be awarded 75 points for a single pullup when a man would only be awarded 5.

Still, sure, female Marines on average do 1.whatever pullups when they were tested on it–the fact is, females have never had to do pullups. Men have an average of 15 because ever since we’ve been Marines, it’s been understood that we need to train to keep our pullups up. Give the women 6 months notice, let them train to increase their upperbody strength, then introduce the pullups into the PFT–without the flexed arm hang as a crutch. Men have never had a choice in the matter, if I couldn’t do at least 3 pullups there was no easy alternative for me to get a score of up to 70.

Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. I got tons of work to do, to include my continuing search for an apartment here in the Bay Area as I get ready for the new term to start.

Damn, I was kind of hoping Garcia would make it out alive.

Be sure to check back on Friday for the final piece of the Necropocalypse comics!

So I’ve gotten a plethora of emails regarding the female PFT thing that I mentioned last week. Apparently, I had it right the first time. 1 pull-up equals 75 points. Women will not have the option of choosing between the two, they must attempt the pull-ups first. In the event they can’t do a pull-up, they will be given an unspecified recovery time to allow them to attempt the Flexed Arm Hang, in which case they can only get a maximum of 70 points (even if they max it out).

With that said, that’s just as stupid as I thought it was. Where’s the equality in that? When the conversation of women in the infantry comes up, it’s turned into a matter of equal rights, but not a matter of equal standards and practicality. Men don’t have a choice in the PFT, if a man can’t get 3 pull-ups, he isn’t given an option to do something easier, nor is he given 75 points for a measly three (the minimum).

75 points for 1 pull-up is just stupid, there’s no other way for me to put it.

I’m not a training officer or anyone even remotely qualified to determine what the PFT standards should be, but there has to be a better way that’s even remotely on the equivalent for men. The PFT for men and women is not created equal.

As for women in the infantry? That’s a whole ‘nother argument. I honestly don’t believe that a vagina precludes anyone from performing the same as someone equipped with the opposite genitalia. Growing up in Oregon, I’ve met plenty of butch women capable of kicking someone’s ass, and if a 6 foot, 180 lb woman that can outperform a man in the field wants to be a grunt, then whatever–we can work it out. The reason women in the infantry is a hot issue is for reasons of practicality. Female showers, separate barracks, physical standards–all of these are logistical nightmares for the people up top to reckon with before such a drastic measure is taken. This, also, isn’t even delving into the legal nightmares of sexual harassment and, worse, assault and rape.

Again, I’m hardly qualified to suggest anything, such thinking is far beyond my scope of comprehension. I’m sure one day someone will figure out a way to make it work, and we’ll have awesome shower scenes ala Starship Troopers. Until then, I think what works now… works?

Another day, another Necropocalypse comic. I’ve got two more of these planned, as it was planned as a ten-part series. Don’t like it? Feel free to buy yourself  a copy of the Marine Corps Times for some classic 3 panel humor.

I want to correct myself about the whole female PFT thing I mentioned a couple days ago. Well, more accurately, I was corrected (by a Staff NCO no less, brings back memories). I received this email informing me of the actual PFT rules:

The information you received about female Marines receiving 75 points if they do 1 pull up is wrong. They get a max points of 70 if they do the flex arm hang for 70 seconds.  The second event requires a female to do a male pull up.  1 pull up equals 5 points, 2 pull ups equals 10 points.  If a female is able to do 6 pull ups she will get the maximum point of 30.

Semper Fidelis,

GySgt Edison V. Aquino

This makes a hell of a lot more sense, and I thank you for pointing that out to me.

Another late update today–this Necropocalypse thing is slowly killing me. These pages take a lot of work–a lot more than the average strip–and I happen to have about 4 other projects going on right now. Who’da thunk that summer would be so busy? My dog is hating me right now, I promised him I’d take him to the park, but instead spent the day hunched over my drafting table, much like I’ve been doing every day.

But, I do it because I love you all. Well, not all of you, but most of you. Additionally, I know I’ve been saying it forever, but there’s some REALLY big, awesome things coming down the line for Terminal Lance, so look forward to that in the next few weeks.

I may as well talk about a zombie movie!

The movie I’m about to talk about is probably one you haven’t seen. Well, if you’re lucky and/or have some common sense at least. In 2008, someone thought it would be hilarious to remake 1985’s best zombie-romp, Day of the Dead, with little to no regard for the story, content, or… um… anything relating to the original. This film is, of course, 2008’s Day of the Dead.

Don’t let the high-speed poster art fool you, as I’m assuming they paid the graphic designer that put it together more than it costed to make the actual film. Somehow, and I honestly don’t know why, they also got Ving Rhames to star in this garbage. He’s not playing the same character he did in 2004’s Dawn of the Dead remake either, he’s just here, being some random military guy.

As the story goes, some zombies happen, and people die, and stupid shit happens.

That’s basically all you need to know. My favorite scene? They literally spend 30 minutes looking for the keys to an Army HMMWV. I wish I was making this up. Anyone who’s been in the military more than 5 minutes knows this is absurd, but it was really happening before my eyes. The film doesn’t do George Romero, Ving Rhames, or anything else related to zombies any justice whatsoever. It looks like it was filmed overnight, the special effects are re-hashed PlayStation graphics–to include sound effects from Resident Evil 2.

Is it the worst zombie film I’ve ever seen? Sadly, no. The undead have the unfortunate and dubious ability to attract would-be filmmakers into low-budget awfulness because it gives them “street cred” as a director. Everyone wants to have that Romero quality; to make a hit zombie film with their friends for little more than the cost of food. However, the movies end up sucking balls 9 times out of 10. Low budget does not equal good, and it doesn’t make you a “legit” filmmaker. I’m not implying you can’t make good films without a budget, but these guys are using it as a crutch to promote their awful films.

Anyway, I don’t really have anything to say about this movie other than it sucks. Don’t watch it–or go ahead and watch it if you want to spend the rest of your day pissed off at a movie.

We’ve got kind of an odd update schedule going on this week due to the contest, I’m going to try to have the next comic up on Friday.

Also, I’m going to need an extra comic or two to end this properly, so those of you expecting this to be done this week will be mildly disappointed to find that it’ll actually be next week.

In any case, I hope you’re not too disappointed to find Garcia becoming a Krispy Kreme for our ghastly dependents, but Mexican food is much better than… white people food. Well, that’s not entirely true, I have a soft spot for pizza and I’m always game to eat a good burger. Congratulations again to Pedro Morales, the winner of the Necropocalypse contest. You can view his entry by clicking the “Previous” icon underneath the comic if you missed it, as it was put up in place of the comic on Tuesday.

Overall I’ve been very satisfied with the entire Necropocalypse thing, maybe next year it’ll be something worth revisiting, as well as beefing up the prizes and contests a little.

In Marine Corps randomness, I read recently in the ‘Times that they’re planning on implementing pull-ups on the female PFT? Or at least they are thinking about it, I’m not really sure. What was strange about the system though is the fact that 1 pull-up–as in a single pull-up–gets the said Marine 75 points on their PFT. Now, I don’t claim to be some kind of practitioner of mathematical sorcery, but this doesn’t seem right to me.

Let me explain:

I’m not arguing that women should have the upper-body strength of the average male Marine, however, its the idea that the bare minimum gets them 75 points that seems off-kilter. Let me put this in perspective: if a male Marine gets the minimum of 3 pull-ups, he is awarded 15 points on his PFT. If a female accomplishes the bare minimum, she is awarded 75? For a man to get 75 points on the pull-up section of the PFT, he has to do 15–which I’m assuming is slightly above the average (I don’t actually know).

I’m not saying I have any solutions to this strange situation, but it seems off to me. Hell, I’m not even in anymore so my opinion is relatively moot.

In line with the Necropocalypse, I’d like to talk about another zombie film for today. You’ve probably seen it, but it is an important film in the genre, as it more or less defined a sub-genre within it. This film is of course 28 Days Later.

The film stars Cillian Murphy (recently of Batman fame), and takes place in modern-day London. The film is obviously British, and is directed by Danny Boyle (I’m sure you know him from 127 Hours and Slumdog Millionaire). As the film goes, a group of worthless hippies breaks into a science lab in London, trying to free the experimental chimps being held for science. Little do these unshaven bush-divers know, these chimps happen to be infected with a dangerous virus known as “Rage”.

Unlike traditional zombie films, the “Rage” virus infects immediately. Upon infection, the subject goes into a violent, irreversible killing spree. Technically, these aren’t “zombies” in the traditional sense, as they aren’t actually dead (or undead?). The victims don’t eat you either, they just bash your skull in uncontrollably until you die or become one of them. These creatures don’t do the typical shuffle either, they run… and they run fast.

Anyway, back to the story: so this rage virus is now on the loose thanks to PETA or whatever, resulting in an immediate and uncontrollable outbreak in London and eventually all of England. After the opening, the story continues on to find Cillian Murphy’s character awakening in a hospital bed, unshaven and unkept. He wanders the hospital to find it abandoned, squandered and destroyed. Eventually, he heads into a church where he meets his first encounter with the “Rage” (which is a fantastic sequence by the way) victims, where he runs for his life and is saved by the lead supporting actress Naomie Harris (beautiful sister of a woman). Anyway, these two survive a bit, meet up with a father and his daughter, and eventually go through some shit together and fall in love.

What makes this film important is the inception of the “28 Days Later zombies”, the ones that are fast and ruthless. Any time a new zombie film comes out, the inevitable question on peoples minds is “Are they regular zombies or like 28 Days Later zombies?” It’s an important question, as this information completely changes the pace of the film.

Outside of this, 28 Days Later features direction and cinematography that is second to none, putting the low-budget horrors of old George to shame. It was also one of the pioneering digitally-shot films at the time.

Really though, 28 Days Later is a perfect combination of eerie, scary, intense, atmosphere, acting, and zombies. Its sequel, 28 Weeks Later, was just riding the coattails, so you can skip that one. If you skipped it for whatever reason, maybe you were functionally retarded in 2003 (it happens), definitely check it out–it’s hard to beat it in this genre.

Well after a few weeks and about 20 really awesome Necropocalypse contest entries, I had to make a tough decision. The contest was to draw anything with an undead Marine in it–vague, I know, but people pulled through much better than I had anticipated. In addition to this, in order to qualify as an entry the image had to be accompanied by the person’s “zombie plan”.

Everyone has a zombie plan, and it was this that narrowly pushed this entry ahead of the others. People submitted some truly great artwork, and it was thoroughly enjoyable going through everyone’s plans. However, this user’s plan was not only enjoyable to read, but it works and was truly stood out amongst the crowd.

Without further adieu, here is the winning Zombie Plan from forum user Mozillatron, submitted from Afghanistan:

Firstly, you must gather supplies. Guns, Procreator, Food, Transportation, and Fishing Gear.

Guns:
Whatever tickles your pickle. Recommend something semi-automatic, something fully-automatic, and whatever blasts the fuck outta some zombiskulls.

Procreator:
Find yourself a mate to procreate with. Preferably dressed in a cheerleader costume. Remember: The world is about to end, there will be no more “out of your league”… Use guns.

Food:
After acquiring your Guns&Ammo, rob the local supermarket. Kill everyone. They’re just going to die anyway. Get enough food to last a couple weeks. Also, get some seeds to grow veggies when shit calms down. Zombies typically don’t maintain crops.

Fishing Gear:
Stop by the local bait&tackle and pick yourself up a metric fuck-ton of fishing gear. Deep-sea stuff. Let the clerk help you pick everything – Then kill him.

Transportation:
Transportation will be acquired in phases. During your hunter-gatherer phases, steal a large sports utility vehicle. Preferrably a Hybrid Escalade (gotta save on gas). This vehicle will be used to carry goods to and from your next upgrade: a stolen sailboat. For trips around town, feel free to use an ATV (for maneuverability).

Battle your way out of the city and make your way to your stolen sailboat. Continue gathering survival gear until shit gets too hot. Then make sail for the nearest uninhabited island. Build up your stronghold on that island to protect your shit against other survivors who want to mooch. Ask them how life is back on mainland – Then kill them. Repeat for all encounters.

When people stop coming to your island, wait another couple months and sail home. Plant Crops, call upon your vast FarmVille experience. Procreate. Repeat. Practice Procreation. It’s good to be king.

Congratulations Mozillatron! You win a free print along with a super secret prize I can’t quite reveal yet.

Notable Mentions:

I wanted to just turn the spotlight real quick to some runner up entries that were also really great, but just didn’t quite make the win.

This entry from user lizbeth was fantastic, great artwork and a good plan. Had the contest been based on art alone she may have won.

This entry from user Kvlticon was also a solid artwork entry, really impressive digital work! I like this one because of the obvious branch-on-branch commentary going on.

This one from Meyer0331 was also fantastic in terms of artwork and humor. My favorite zombie here is easily the “Iraqi YouTube Puppy”.

The last one I’m gonna mention is from user LTSketch. This entry took a comic-approach and was pretty funny!

Anyway, it was a great contest and I was truly surprised at the amount of great entries we had. I couldn’t mention all of them here, but you can peruse the Necropocalypse Contest thread here on the forum to see the rest. There were a few entries that were emailed to me, they were also considered official entries in the contest–but did not win. I even received a Resident Evil 2-themed entry, which was awesome.

Thanks to everyone who spent time on these, I hope it was a fun thing that people enjoyed.

There wasn’t any specific criteria for the winner, it just had to meet the rules of containing a zombie Marine, being drawn and having a zombie plan with it. All of those things were considered with the entries, the winner was chosen based on all of those factors.

I’ll continue the remaining bits of the Necropocalypse series shortly!

Now I aint sayin’ she’s a gold digga, but she aint messin’ wit no broke niggas.

Well, maybe she is while you’re gone, who knows right?

Anyway, I apologize for the especially late update, I’ve got all kinds of crazy things going on lately so I’ve been busier than the average bear–which is to include looking for a new apartment–which is always a pain in the ass.

The Necropocalypse contest is officially closed! I received a few last minute ones that will be considered in the run, but anything after this update is null and void. You can view the entries here. Next week will conclude the Necropocalypse series, so for you haters out there look forward to the regular strips coming back after that.

I will announce the winners to the contest on Tuesday!

The film I’m going to talk about today is one you’ve probably seen, but a very important film in the zombie genre.

Why is this film important? It was the first major zombie film to make light of the subject of the undead–this was followed by others like Fido and Zombieland, but Shaun was really the first one to do it successfully and make it appeal to everyone.

The basic premise, for the few of you that haven’t seen it, is our lead character Shaun (played by Simon Pegg) is having a load of relationship issues with his girlfriend Liz. A lot of these are brought on by the fact that he and his best friend Ed (Nick Frost) are inseparable, resulting in Ed being a kind of third wheel that just doesn’t seem to go away. While sorting through these issues in the beginning, strange things start happening around London–people aren’t showing up to work, people are disappearing, calling in sick, etc. We catch minor glimpses of the unfolding apocalypse as little more than background noise to Shaun’s romantic tribulations.

Soon, the outbreak becomes obvious as they find their roommate (or “flatmate” if you’re Londonese) turned into a fully fledged zombie in the shower. Shaun then embarks with Ed on a mission to save his (now) ex girlfriend from the impending, rotting doom.

The reason I’ve chosen to talk about this film is because it does everything a comedy should do, as well as everything a zombie film should do. What’s important here is that, while the zombies aren’t actually the focus of the movie, they are treated seriously and realistically. I tend to roll my eyes at anything that’s supposed to be a “zombie comedy”, as these things usually bring in a lot of awful clichés and poor undead treatment. Zombies don’t talk, they don’t play pranks and just calling something a “zombie”, doesn’t make it so.

The undead horde in Shaun of the Dead is as real as any Romero flick, and follow the same grounding in realism as any tried and true horror movie. The humor doesn’t use the zombies as a kind of crutch to appeal to people that “love zombies”, the humor is grounded in the situations presented to Shaun and the supporting cast.

In the end though, the reason this film is so great? Because it’s fucking hilarious. Though, it is very British, that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it. I would pick Shaun of the Dead over Zombieland any day.

And the Necropocalypse continues…

Inspired from Dawn of the Dead, I figured the PX would be a perfect place for a platoon to turn into a patrol base–until the dependents arrive anyway. The fetid odor of hundreds of gold-digging wives–half of them pregnant–gathering outside of the PX like a flock of pigeons at a park bench. I can only imagine the horrors of such a sight…

And yes, I realize the MCX isn’t actually called the “PX”, but I didn’t want to break any copyright nonsense.

If you’re finding yourself jonesing for a taste of some classic three-panel Terminal Lance, check out the Marine Corps Times for your fix–brand new strips are printed every week, exclusive to the Times. I’ve gotten some feedback from people across the board. For the most part, everyone seems to really like what I’m doing here with the Necropocalypse.

There are, however, those who have no interest in zombie-related media. For you ghoul-haters out there, I say again, feel free to pick up a copy of the Marine Corps Times for some classic 3-panel glory. Otherwise, there’s not a whole lot I can offer you other than the work I’m putting out. The Necropocalypse will continue for another week or so, so if you really hate zombies, rest assured that the classic strips will return shortly.

In Terminal Lance news, I’ve got some major things cooking up that I’m not really at liberty to talk about at the moment. But, by the end of the summer there will be a plethora of new awesome for you dedicated fans out there, so stay tuned for that.

The Necropocalypse contest has been all kinds of fucking mind-blowing (especially for the zombies depicted–har-har-har). You can check out the official thread here. There’s only 3 days left to enter, so if you’ve got some undead Marine action to throw my way, you’d better do it quick!

Today’s zombie feature I’m going to talk about is the best of Romero’s modern zombie films: Land of the Dead.

Released in 2005, Land of the Dead was Romero’s official return to the “Dead” series after a 20 year hiatus following 1985’s Day of the Dead. What makes this film different from basically all of his other ones is the fact that it had a real budget to work with. The result was actually quite good, albeit underrated for the most part.

The basic premise is that the world is many years into the Necropocalypse–the world has already been devastated by flesh-hungry “stenches” (a slang term used in the film), and Pittsburgh has been more or less taken over by a corporation. Those that can afford it live in a high-rise, high-security life of luxury called Fiddler’s Green. The direct result of this is, however, a desperation in class-structure, as everyone who doesn’t live in Fiddler’s Green is impoverish. Surrounding the paradise is miles of slums, and beyond that miles of flesh-eating undead.

The story follows the male lead Riley (played by Simon Baker), and includes supporting roles from John Leguizamo and Asia Argento (who is actually Dario Argento’s daughter–the producer of Dawn of the Dead). Riley is a slumbaby, a mercenary trying to get out of Pittsburgh is wrangled back into work by the head of Fiddler’s Green (Dennis Hopper) after John Leguizamo steals his super-weapon, Dead Reckoning, and threatens to destroy the city with it. Riley agrees to it and embarks on his quest to take back Dead Reckoning in the undead-wasteland surrounding Pittsburgh.

Why is this movie important? Well, for starters it was the first genuinely thoughtful zombie-flick since Day of the Dead. Romero has a knack for the undead–or really a love–that forces him to actually care about what he’s writing. His films aren’t just mindless zombie-romps–though they are often mistaken as such–they are actually extremely well-executed and wrought with social commentary. Land of the Dead takes an especially heavy emphasis on the class-wars that plague America today, creating a thoughtful environment for otherwise thoughtless villains to roam in. Ironically though, the zombies in Land of the Dead aren’t even really the villains, and in fact this film actually takes a special interest in the point of view of one zombie in particular known as “Big Daddy”.

You’ll notice Big Daddy is actually the only lead black character in the film. This is important to note, as it is a trend in every one of his zombie films that the lead black character plays the role of the “savior” or someone that ultimately leads the way to salvation. This is the only one of his films that actually gives a zombie this role, and does it successfully.

I don’t want to give too much away, but if you like movies that actually have some substance–as well as the undead–definitely check out Land of the Dead. If I remember correctly, it was a box office flop, but it actually met relatively good reviews. It’s unfortunate, as surely it was Romero’s last chance in the eyes of Hollywood.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, I just want to say one more thing:

I fucking hate that shirt. The one that says “I’m not fat, I’m just knocked up!” Yeah, I fucking hate that shirt. With the exception of buying a trailer at WALMART, there’s not a whole lot of things that make you look more white trash than a complete lack of respect for the child growing inside of your body. For the love of God, if you own one of these shirts, burn it.

Oh thank God, I was really starting to worry that Garcia would never show up. Sans his kevlar, at least Garcia is faring better than Abe at the moment. In a zombie outbreak, I think full silkies green-on-green is probably the worst outfit you could be wearing. I don’t think the bulky flaks they issued us would be optimal for an outbreak scenario, but It’s definitely better than nothing.

One thing I always wondered though: how hard can zombies really bite? I mean, it can’t possibly be any harder than the average human. I dunno about you, but I can’t recall ever having the masseter strength to actually bite through even the most average set of clothing. Really, a pair of blue jeans and a leather jacket would do one well enough in an outbreak of the undead–but somehow you always see people getting torn limb-from-limb no matter what they’re wearing in movies.

The Necropocalypse contest is getting all kinds of awesome, I’m pleasantly surprised at how well the entries are as a whole! You can view them and enter yourself here.

The deadline is July 1st.

Also, don’t forget you can now buy individual comic prints at a lower price. Check out the “Buy a Print!” button at the bottom of most of the comics (not all of them…) and order directly from the page. If you’d like more than one, you’ll be refunded for partial shipping depending on how many I can safely fit in the same package.

The movie I’d like to talk about today is probably one you’ve never heard of unless you’re a sick fuck like me who looks for these things. Anyone who knows George Romero is probably familiar with his Italian doppelgänger, Lucio Fulci. For those unfamiliar with this necrophile, he’s a guy who likes to make really raunchy zombie films. In Italy, Dario Argento released Dawn of the Dead under the title of Zombi. Shortly after, Lucio Fulci actually created a kind of spiritual sequel to Romero’s “Zombi” under the title of “Zombi 2”. Zombi 2 was later released in America under the title of Zombie in 1979. Despite their titles, the films are actually completely unrelated.

The basic premise of the film is that some chick’s dad goes missing in the Antilles islands, so she hooks up with some reporter and flies to the islands, where they meet up with a foreign guy and his cougar wife. They end up going to the islands and find out some voodoo shit’s going on and zombies start flipping their shit all over the island.

Why is this movie so notorious? For it’s grotesque and unabashed brutal violence. The most violent scene involves a woman getting her eye gouged out by a wooden plank after a stench with a hard-on walks in on her in the shower.

However, this scene, while definitely gross, is hardly the best part of this film. If I can offer you a single reason to watch this film, heed these three words:

Zombie. Versus. Shark.

I shit you not.

The scene starts with the foreign guy’s MILF/cougar wife stripping on their boat to go for a dive into the water outlying the islands. Naturally, being an Italian film, she spends about 5 straight minutes undressing while the 3 other boaters intently watch. After her strip scene, she dives in the water (topless) and has a look around. While on her expedition into the reef, a large shark scares her into the shadows. While trying to avoid the beast, a rotten hand comes out of the reef and grabs her! A zombie!

She struggles and frees herself from his death grip. Leaving the zombie in the path of the shark. The shark, being a large predator, attacks the zombie as a shark would any creature while on the hunt. The shark kills the zombie right?

Fuck no!

THE ZOMBIE TAKES A BITE OUT OF THE SHARK!

I’m sorry, there’s no other way for me to say that. I will say it again:

THE ZOMBIE TAKES A FUCKING BITE OUT OF THE SHARK!

Anyway, the rest of the film is largely forgettable–a lot of over-the-top gore scenes that are gross for the sake of being gross. Lucio Fulci doesn’t really have the biting commentary and lovable wit of Romero–he just likes to make gruesome movies. If you’re looking for a mindless zombie romp, check out Zombie, which can be found in the cheap bin for a few bucks.

Also, if you really like puns, check out next week’s Marine Corps Times for an original comic on the subject…