Author: Maximilian

Now I aint sayin’ she’s a gold digga, but she aint messin’ wit no broke niggas.

Well, maybe she is while you’re gone, who knows right?

Anyway, I apologize for the especially late update, I’ve got all kinds of crazy things going on lately so I’ve been busier than the average bear–which is to include looking for a new apartment–which is always a pain in the ass.

The Necropocalypse contest is officially closed! I received a few last minute ones that will be considered in the run, but anything after this update is null and void. You can view the entries here. Next week will conclude the Necropocalypse series, so for you haters out there look forward to the regular strips coming back after that.

I will announce the winners to the contest on Tuesday!

The film I’m going to talk about today is one you’ve probably seen, but a very important film in the zombie genre.

Why is this film important? It was the first major zombie film to make light of the subject of the undead–this was followed by others like Fido and Zombieland, but Shaun was really the first one to do it successfully and make it appeal to everyone.

The basic premise, for the few of you that haven’t seen it, is our lead character Shaun (played by Simon Pegg) is having a load of relationship issues with his girlfriend Liz. A lot of these are brought on by the fact that he and his best friend Ed (Nick Frost) are inseparable, resulting in Ed being a kind of third wheel that just doesn’t seem to go away. While sorting through these issues in the beginning, strange things start happening around London–people aren’t showing up to work, people are disappearing, calling in sick, etc. We catch minor glimpses of the unfolding apocalypse as little more than background noise to Shaun’s romantic tribulations.

Soon, the outbreak becomes obvious as they find their roommate (or “flatmate” if you’re Londonese) turned into a fully fledged zombie in the shower. Shaun then embarks with Ed on a mission to save his (now) ex girlfriend from the impending, rotting doom.

The reason I’ve chosen to talk about this film is because it does everything a comedy should do, as well as everything a zombie film should do. What’s important here is that, while the zombies aren’t actually the focus of the movie, they are treated seriously and realistically. I tend to roll my eyes at anything that’s supposed to be a “zombie comedy”, as these things usually bring in a lot of awful clichés and poor undead treatment. Zombies don’t talk, they don’t play pranks and just calling something a “zombie”, doesn’t make it so.

The undead horde in Shaun of the Dead is as real as any Romero flick, and follow the same grounding in realism as any tried and true horror movie. The humor doesn’t use the zombies as a kind of crutch to appeal to people that “love zombies”, the humor is grounded in the situations presented to Shaun and the supporting cast.

In the end though, the reason this film is so great? Because it’s fucking hilarious. Though, it is very British, that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying it. I would pick Shaun of the Dead over Zombieland any day.

And the Necropocalypse continues…

Inspired from Dawn of the Dead, I figured the PX would be a perfect place for a platoon to turn into a patrol base–until the dependents arrive anyway. The fetid odor of hundreds of gold-digging wives–half of them pregnant–gathering outside of the PX like a flock of pigeons at a park bench. I can only imagine the horrors of such a sight…

And yes, I realize the MCX isn’t actually called the “PX”, but I didn’t want to break any copyright nonsense.

If you’re finding yourself jonesing for a taste of some classic three-panel Terminal Lance, check out the Marine Corps Times for your fix–brand new strips are printed every week, exclusive to the Times. I’ve gotten some feedback from people across the board. For the most part, everyone seems to really like what I’m doing here with the Necropocalypse.

There are, however, those who have no interest in zombie-related media. For you ghoul-haters out there, I say again, feel free to pick up a copy of the Marine Corps Times for some classic 3-panel glory. Otherwise, there’s not a whole lot I can offer you other than the work I’m putting out. The Necropocalypse will continue for another week or so, so if you really hate zombies, rest assured that the classic strips will return shortly.

In Terminal Lance news, I’ve got some major things cooking up that I’m not really at liberty to talk about at the moment. But, by the end of the summer there will be a plethora of new awesome for you dedicated fans out there, so stay tuned for that.

The Necropocalypse contest has been all kinds of fucking mind-blowing (especially for the zombies depicted–har-har-har). You can check out the official thread here. There’s only 3 days left to enter, so if you’ve got some undead Marine action to throw my way, you’d better do it quick!

Today’s zombie feature I’m going to talk about is the best of Romero’s modern zombie films: Land of the Dead.

Released in 2005, Land of the Dead was Romero’s official return to the “Dead” series after a 20 year hiatus following 1985’s Day of the Dead. What makes this film different from basically all of his other ones is the fact that it had a real budget to work with. The result was actually quite good, albeit underrated for the most part.

The basic premise is that the world is many years into the Necropocalypse–the world has already been devastated by flesh-hungry “stenches” (a slang term used in the film), and Pittsburgh has been more or less taken over by a corporation. Those that can afford it live in a high-rise, high-security life of luxury called Fiddler’s Green. The direct result of this is, however, a desperation in class-structure, as everyone who doesn’t live in Fiddler’s Green is impoverish. Surrounding the paradise is miles of slums, and beyond that miles of flesh-eating undead.

The story follows the male lead Riley (played by Simon Baker), and includes supporting roles from John Leguizamo and Asia Argento (who is actually Dario Argento’s daughter–the producer of Dawn of the Dead). Riley is a slumbaby, a mercenary trying to get out of Pittsburgh is wrangled back into work by the head of Fiddler’s Green (Dennis Hopper) after John Leguizamo steals his super-weapon, Dead Reckoning, and threatens to destroy the city with it. Riley agrees to it and embarks on his quest to take back Dead Reckoning in the undead-wasteland surrounding Pittsburgh.

Why is this movie important? Well, for starters it was the first genuinely thoughtful zombie-flick since Day of the Dead. Romero has a knack for the undead–or really a love–that forces him to actually care about what he’s writing. His films aren’t just mindless zombie-romps–though they are often mistaken as such–they are actually extremely well-executed and wrought with social commentary. Land of the Dead takes an especially heavy emphasis on the class-wars that plague America today, creating a thoughtful environment for otherwise thoughtless villains to roam in. Ironically though, the zombies in Land of the Dead aren’t even really the villains, and in fact this film actually takes a special interest in the point of view of one zombie in particular known as “Big Daddy”.

You’ll notice Big Daddy is actually the only lead black character in the film. This is important to note, as it is a trend in every one of his zombie films that the lead black character plays the role of the “savior” or someone that ultimately leads the way to salvation. This is the only one of his films that actually gives a zombie this role, and does it successfully.

I don’t want to give too much away, but if you like movies that actually have some substance–as well as the undead–definitely check out Land of the Dead. If I remember correctly, it was a box office flop, but it actually met relatively good reviews. It’s unfortunate, as surely it was Romero’s last chance in the eyes of Hollywood.

Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, I just want to say one more thing:

I fucking hate that shirt. The one that says “I’m not fat, I’m just knocked up!” Yeah, I fucking hate that shirt. With the exception of buying a trailer at WALMART, there’s not a whole lot of things that make you look more white trash than a complete lack of respect for the child growing inside of your body. For the love of God, if you own one of these shirts, burn it.

Oh thank God, I was really starting to worry that Garcia would never show up. Sans his kevlar, at least Garcia is faring better than Abe at the moment. In a zombie outbreak, I think full silkies green-on-green is probably the worst outfit you could be wearing. I don’t think the bulky flaks they issued us would be optimal for an outbreak scenario, but It’s definitely better than nothing.

One thing I always wondered though: how hard can zombies really bite? I mean, it can’t possibly be any harder than the average human. I dunno about you, but I can’t recall ever having the masseter strength to actually bite through even the most average set of clothing. Really, a pair of blue jeans and a leather jacket would do one well enough in an outbreak of the undead–but somehow you always see people getting torn limb-from-limb no matter what they’re wearing in movies.

The Necropocalypse contest is getting all kinds of awesome, I’m pleasantly surprised at how well the entries are as a whole! You can view them and enter yourself here.

The deadline is July 1st.

Also, don’t forget you can now buy individual comic prints at a lower price. Check out the “Buy a Print!” button at the bottom of most of the comics (not all of them…) and order directly from the page. If you’d like more than one, you’ll be refunded for partial shipping depending on how many I can safely fit in the same package.

The movie I’d like to talk about today is probably one you’ve never heard of unless you’re a sick fuck like me who looks for these things. Anyone who knows George Romero is probably familiar with his Italian doppelgänger, Lucio Fulci. For those unfamiliar with this necrophile, he’s a guy who likes to make really raunchy zombie films. In Italy, Dario Argento released Dawn of the Dead under the title of Zombi. Shortly after, Lucio Fulci actually created a kind of spiritual sequel to Romero’s “Zombi” under the title of “Zombi 2”. Zombi 2 was later released in America under the title of Zombie in 1979. Despite their titles, the films are actually completely unrelated.

The basic premise of the film is that some chick’s dad goes missing in the Antilles islands, so she hooks up with some reporter and flies to the islands, where they meet up with a foreign guy and his cougar wife. They end up going to the islands and find out some voodoo shit’s going on and zombies start flipping their shit all over the island.

Why is this movie so notorious? For it’s grotesque and unabashed brutal violence. The most violent scene involves a woman getting her eye gouged out by a wooden plank after a stench with a hard-on walks in on her in the shower.

However, this scene, while definitely gross, is hardly the best part of this film. If I can offer you a single reason to watch this film, heed these three words:

Zombie. Versus. Shark.

I shit you not.

The scene starts with the foreign guy’s MILF/cougar wife stripping on their boat to go for a dive into the water outlying the islands. Naturally, being an Italian film, she spends about 5 straight minutes undressing while the 3 other boaters intently watch. After her strip scene, she dives in the water (topless) and has a look around. While on her expedition into the reef, a large shark scares her into the shadows. While trying to avoid the beast, a rotten hand comes out of the reef and grabs her! A zombie!

She struggles and frees herself from his death grip. Leaving the zombie in the path of the shark. The shark, being a large predator, attacks the zombie as a shark would any creature while on the hunt. The shark kills the zombie right?

Fuck no!

THE ZOMBIE TAKES A BITE OUT OF THE SHARK!

I’m sorry, there’s no other way for me to say that. I will say it again:

THE ZOMBIE TAKES A FUCKING BITE OUT OF THE SHARK!

Anyway, the rest of the film is largely forgettable–a lot of over-the-top gore scenes that are gross for the sake of being gross. Lucio Fulci doesn’t really have the biting commentary and lovable wit of Romero–he just likes to make gruesome movies. If you’re looking for a mindless zombie romp, check out Zombie, which can be found in the cheap bin for a few bucks.

Also, if you really like puns, check out next week’s Marine Corps Times for an original comic on the subject…

Is it Garcia this time? I suppose you’ll have to wait until the next comic to find out!

I just want to mention a couple of things off the bat:

First off, prints are now available for individual purchase! Yes, most of the comics now have a “Buy a Print” button located underneath the navigation arrows. Click this button to go to the purchasing system through PayPal. You do not need to be a PayPal member to purchase a print, you can simply use a credit or debit card.

*Note: Not all comics are available for print. Some, such as special strips or others that have been previously released in limited edition format are not available, however, feel free to scroll through the site and find which one you want to see if it’s available. If there’s not a “Buy a Print” button underneath the comic, the print is not available for purchase for that comic. FPO AP shipping is available, just make sure you select the “US” button.

You can quickly find the comic you’re looking for by using the search box on the left. If you have any questions or troubles please email me by clicking the “Contact” tab at the top of the screen.

Secondly, the Necropocalypse contest is still going! Check out the official rules here. Entries must be submitted in the thread on the forum. If you absolutely can’t post on the forum for whatever reason, you can email it to me, but I’ll need your actual name to consider it an entry. We’ve already got a few great entries, but we definitely need more!

In line with my outbreak of zombie themed happenings, I’d like to use this special edition Necropocalypse segment to talk to you about zombie films. Each update I will bring up a new zombie film, perhaps it will be worth seeing, or perhaps not. Since the Necropocalypse series obviously doesn’t pertain to anything important going on in the Marine Corps, I may as well talk about something related.

Today I’m going to talk about the father (or grandfather, really) of zombie films:

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

 

This film has often been regarded as being one of the most important horror films of all time–and rightly so. George Romero’s first full length feature film, and the first of the “Dead” series, Night of the Living Dead was also the first film to feature what is now known as the “classic” zombie. Ironically, they aren’t ever actually referred to as “zombies” in this film, and instead opt for the term “ghouls”.

The film begins with Barbara (Judith O’Dea) and her brother at a cemetary, visiting their father’s gravesite. While there, they run into a meandering member of the undead, who kills her brother. Barbara runs for her life, tripping over herself many times (as most dumb white women do in distress), and finds herself in an abandoned farm house. While there, she runs around some more and eventually runs into Ben (Duane Jones), a tall black guy that doesn’t have time to take shit, and takes charge. While the film starts with Barbara, Ben is the actual protagonist here. Along the way, the two discover a few others hiding in the basement and have to fight and survive their way through the Necropocalypse.

There’s only one correct way to watch this movie: in its original black and white glory. If the version you’re watching is in color, it’s either the 1968 version re-mastered and colored, or it is the 1990 remake version directed by Tom Savini. Still can’t tell? Does it feel like nine-inch cocks are trying to penetrate your eyes and skull-fuck you? If so, you’re probably watching the 1990 remake, as this is the sensation that commonly accompanies the viewing of it.

Back to the original masterpiece: why black and white? Because that’s how it was intended to be watched. Color film was more than available in 1968, I mean Snow White and the Seven Dwarves was filmed in color and it was created in 1937. The use of black and white in this film is to serve it, not to detriment it as the remake would have you believe. The stark contrast of the environment and the darkened shadows all serve to enhance the atmosphere of the film; looming shadows and total blackness keep you on your toes in ways that color just can’t provide.

Aside from the modernization of zombies, Romero’s film was also an important time-piece on the subject of racism in the country. Released at the height of the civil rights movement, as well as the same year that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, the film’s eerie ending struck a cord on a much deeper note–which I will not spoil for you here. However, it is important to note that Night was also one of the first films to actually feature a lead black male as the protagonist in a positive portrayal. In fact, during the course of the horrific movie, not once is his race even brought up, despite the racial overtones of the film. We’re not meant to identify Ben as black–as you would expect in a movie from the 1960’s–we’re not meant to identify Ben as anything other than what he is: the protagonist of a zombie outbreak. This racial blindness serves the film well, as the ending comes off as subtle rather than preachy.

As far as the nitty-gritty goes though, Night shocked audiences in 1968 with its grotesque violence (for the time) and frightening imagery. By today’s standards, the film is a relic, but a good one. While not nearly as violent as Romero’s later films like Dawn or Day of the Dead, the movie is still pleasing for those that are into the whole violence thing. After all… no one does zombies eating people like Romero, who seems to bask in the horrific glory of it all, often dedicating lengthy shots that serve no purpose of story to the grotesque feasting.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a good zombie film this week–perhaps you’re stuck on standby or you’ve got some time between post, pick up this classic (it’s extremely cheap these days, and probably really easy to find online) and give it a shot. Take it with a grain of salt–it is an old movie–and enjoy it!

On an unrelated note, I would like to say that I read all of the fan mail I receive–from crazy stories to photos–I just have a really hard time responding to it. Why? Because I have the short-term memory of a goldfish. This is how it usually goes: I receive the mail on my phone, I read it, then I think to myself, “Oh I’ll respond when I get to my computer so I don’t have to type on this tiny screen”, then, by the time I get to my computer, I get distracted with about ten other things and forget that I was supposed to respond.

Don’t take it personally, I’m just awful like that.

Lastly, come by the forum! There’s always some interesting discussions going on, check it out next time you get the chance.

The Necropocalypse is upon us!

I mentioned in my last update that I have kind of an anomalous obsession with zombies–hopefully with this series of comics you’ll get a glimpse of the extent to which I am enamored with the undead.

This is a series, so expect to see this adventure continue for the next few updates.

I’ve gotten a lot of emails regarding the last post, and general things about zombies as a whole. This has led me to create a new contest!

I’ll give you the gist of the contest here, but the official rules can be read in this thread on the forum. Basically, I want you to draw an image of a zombie Marine–there can be anything in this image, but it has to have at least one zombie Marine in it in order to be considered an official entry. The image can be funny or not, it doesn’t really matter; there’s no real way for me to judge this other than decide which one catches my eye the most. It doesn’t matter if you’re a talented artist or not, but I would suggest throwing some wit at something that is otherwise artistically lacking.

Your entry also must be accompanied by your Zombie Plan. That’s right, everyone’s got one–and if you don’t, maybe it’s time you do.

All entries will be considered official only after they are submitted to the thread linked above. The winner will receive one of the unsold signed prints of Terminal Lance #86, have their work published here, as well as a secret prize that I cannot reveal at the moment–but I can assure you will be awesome.

So what is it about the undead that appeals to the masses lately? Some people have told me that zombies are cliché, to which I say that people who think zombies are cliché are in fact more cliché than the said zombies themselves. Having seen just about every zombie film ever made, along with a vast amount of time playing zombie-related videogames and reading walking corpse-laden literature, I consider myself a fairly knowledgeable authority on the subject. Zombies to me are not just a fun, socially relevant pastime–they’re a subject that I have actually put a lot of heart into. Most that know me personally know that I’ve actually been working on a graphic novel on the subject for many years–which I’m sure you’ll all hear more about sometime in the distant future.

With that said, perhaps I’m a little obsessed–but hey, we all need something to enjoy right? It seems like every group of friends has that “zombie guy”–you know, the one that thinks about it all day? Yeah, I am that guy… and I’m proud of it.

In every smoke pit, every circle of Marines in the field, every bored squad in the hooch; the subject of the zombie apocalypse comes up–or the “Necropocalypse” as I like to refer to it. The subject of zombie plans–from crowbars to escape routes–is discussed in full detail amongst each other, often for hours at a time. Heaven forbid discussing things that could actually happen; you won’t find Marines talking about nuclear attacks, chemical warfare, or natural disasters–the only apocalypse worth talking about is the Necropocalypse.

I’ve got a personal penchant for the undead. Ever since I can remember, the subject of zombies has fascinated me. I believe my first exposure to the idea was the 1986 film Return of the Living Dead. At around age 11 I discovered the Resident Evil videogame series for the original PlayStation. After I had convinced my mom to buy me a PlayStation for my birthday, I fell in love with Resident Evil 2, and the series as a whole. When I was about 15 I discovered George Romero’s Dead series–which to this day I regard as being the epitome of undead filmmaking.

Though, I will admit, the last two films Diary of the Dead and Survival of the Dead were less-than what I was expecting from the master. I believe he’s grown sour in his golden years. What used to be a kind of campy charm–excusable through low budgets and a kind of sick humor–have lost their charm. Compared to modern films the dated, preachy writing and low-budget glamour have become obsolete shadows of a filmmaking style that is no longer tenable in today’s box-office environment.

Anyway, enough about films of the walking dead sort–you may have noticed this strip is titled “Necropocalypse Part 1”. This, as you may have guessed, implies that there will be more than one! Stay tuned on Friday for the next part in the Necropocalypse series.

Also, don’t forget to check the Marine Corps Times every Monday for a new Terminal Lance strip. I might also recommend going to the Terminal Lance store and picking up some awesome swag with your paycheck this week.

If there’s one constant of the Marine Corps–it’s that Marines will bitch about pretty much anything. You can give them the world, but something will be wrong with it and it could probably be better. Being stationed in Hawaii, I heard the complaints every day. I can’t wait to get off this rock, fuck this place, I hate Hawaii, this island sucks–it’s truly nonstop. There’s nothing you can do about it–all the sun, beaches, warm weather and beautiful women in the world don’t seem to sway those who are convinced it’s the worst place they’ve ever been.

Unfortunately, a lot of Marines aren’t able to distinguish their raw emotions from their current situation. They’re not actually mad at Hawaii, they don’t actually hate Hawaii–their misplaced anger is incorrectly directed at the beautiful islands of Aloha. The anguish that comes with being stationed on the islands is a general feeling of discontent toward the military as a whole. To them, the islands become the Marine Corps. The Marines of Hawaii miss their homes, the islands are a new environment to most of them and it becomes alien. It is misguided angst at best, but true nonetheless.

Frankly, I loved Hawaii. After all, there are plenty of worse places to be stationed. Take a look at 29 Palms–or as I refer to it: “Satan’s asshole”. Secluded in the California desert, it is easily the most miserable permanent duty station in the Corps that I’ve ever been to–and my experiences were limited to couple of runs through Mojave Viper.

I’m sure the Marines in the desert reading this are going, “WTF? Marines bitch about Hawaii?” Yes. Yes they do. Every day.

It’s true, Marines will bitch about anything.

The great cold war of the Marine Corps! The debate between the east and west of the Marine Corps has raged on for as long as there’s been separate boot camps on opposite ends of the country. The obvious difference between the two is the terrain–one being rough, rugged and mountainous–the other being flat, swampy and cold (or hot depending on the time of year). I’ll admit, I’m a west coast guy myself–or a “Hollywood” Marine as I’ve heard we’re called.

In the end, it doesn’t particularly matter, but I do take a certain amount of pride in the accomplishments of our grueling hikes on the west side. I recall our hikes in the fleet–the west coast Marines tend to do better in hikes than those from the east. Mountains make a difference! I’m not sure what advantages the east gives recruits and boot SOI students, but then again, I’m surely biased.

Regardless, all it really comes down to is whose dick is bigger. So the next time you get into one of these pissing contests, just save everyone the trouble and whip your dick out. If you’ve got some length, surely you’ll prove your region victorious.

In other news, prints of Terminal Lance #86 “A Better Recruiting Commercial” and Terminal Lance #88 “Shiny Things” have gone on sale on eBay! Check out the listing here. I’m trying to figure out a way to get cheaper, un-autographed versions of the prints for sale, but haven’t been able to find any good leads. At the very least, I can say all of the prints have my hand-written scribbles and are hand-packaged by myself and my wife. Perhaps we’ll throw in extra goodies too!

Check out the listing here.

All of these print sales help support the site. They actually are quite important for us, so please check it out!

In other news, I have a surprise coming up soon–well, a few surprises actually. Stay tuned in the next couple of weeks for some awesome, special edition strips.

Lastly, make sure you check out the new Terminal Lance Store by clicking on the “Store” button at the top of the screen–or by going here. We’ve got all kinds of awesome for sale–I’ve got some good t-shirt ideas I’m hoping to get in there sometime soon, so stand by for that. Also, I’m going to try to update the blog more often–check out the “News” section of the site for my random rantings throughout the week that don’t have anything to do with the strip. (If you’re into that sort of thing)

I think one of the magical things that is true of the Marine Corps–and the military in general–is the great diversity of people you will meet during your enlistment (or commission). From all of the deepest, darkest and terrifying depths of the backwoods of the South to the greatest of the northern cities, Marines from all reaches are suddenly thrust together in the commonality of a platoon. Some Marines have practiced good dental hygiene their entire lives, as a result of regular dental attention to their oral cavity. Others, unfortunately, may not be as privileged, and as a result enter the Marine Corps with an empty dental record, whilst leaving with extensive care done.

I’m not going to lie, I was one of the latter. I grew up rather poor, I can’t recall any point in my life growing up that I had regular access to dental care. Actually, until I enlisted, the last time I went to the dentist was at the age of 4. As an inevitable result, I ended up having a decent amount of work done when I arrived at MCRD San Diego in 2006. My smile was never as bad as our friend here, to be sure (I brush regularly of course), but lets just say I had about 15 years of dental work done in about a 2 week span.

To be honest I don’t really have any biting commentary on this. I think it’s a generalization that food in the military sucks. Sometimes it’s true, sometimes it isn’t. I don’t doubt that the military buys from the lowest bidder; but I don’t give credibility to the rumors that we’re provided “Grade F meat”. Regardless, there’s something undoubtedly sinister about a “meat” that can be stored in a bag for up to a year and eaten hot or cold.

Your best bet for success? Throw as much of that little Tabasco bottle at it as you can.

Even outside of MRE’s though, there were all kinds of questionable animal by-products presented to us abroad. I recall during my 2nd deployment, the chow halls in Iraq in 2009 actually served lobster on some nights. Lobster. I never once touched the stuff–for some reason I figured that an ocean-dwelling crustacean had no place in the middle of the desert.

In other news, Monday was Memorial Day. I hope everyone was able to take a moment to remember their fallen brethren, as well as enjoy some time off.