Author: Maximilian

  • How Nicknames Are Born II

    How Nicknames Are Born II

    Every Marine in the Corps is prescribed a “knick-name,” willingly or not, by the members of their cohort. Some are better than others, but one thing is certain: almost no one gets to pick their own nickname. What sticks is what sticks, and there are few exceptions to the rule.

    Generally, your nickname will be derived by some kind of uncontrollable character trait of yours. As long as it’s easier to remember than your real name, the nickname will stick.

    If you’re like me, you’ll luck out and have a last name that’s too difficult to pronounce, so people will just call you by your real first name. My first name is only 3 letters long (Max), which is perfect for the reading comprehension level of a standard Marine Corps infantryman.

    Lucky me.

    If you’re a Terminal Lance aficionado, you probably noticed that today’s comic is a throwback to Terminal Lance #1. Can you believe we’ve been at this for 13 years?

    Where as the time gone?

  • Memorial Day 2023

    Memorial Day 2023

    Mikey makes a great point here. Maybe this is why God’s relationship with the Marines is… tumultuous, at best. I mean, how else are Staff NCO’s with 4 divorces under their belts before the age of 30 getting into heaven?

    Are we even going to mention that Marines have affectionately adopted the nickname of “devil dogs?”

    Happy Memorial Day everyone, and I truly mean that. Today is a day that we honor our fallen, but it should be a happy day. Spend it with your family, your friends, your children, enjoying your life in honor of those who can’t.

    It’s what these hooligans upstairs would want for you.

  • The Squad Push-Up

    The Squad Push-Up

    Deep in the recesses of the San Onofre coastline in California lies the dastardly Green Weenie Research Facility. It is there that the Marine Corps’ top evil scientists work on new and inventive ways to make the lives of Marines miserable.

    Green Weenie Research Facility, Camp Pendleton

    The “Squad Push-Up” was a product of years of illegal experiments on Marines, culminating in the obscene workout in which you stick your face up the butthole of your friends and pushup together. As one.

    A… Human centipede, of sorts.

    Stay vigilant, Marines. The evil of the Green Weenie doesn’t rest.

  • TL COMIC CONTEST WINNERS

    TL COMIC CONTEST WINNERS

    Huge congratulations to the 3 winners above! We had a lot of great entries and it was a tough choice, but these three took the cake for me. I’m so amazed by the talent of TL fans.

    There’s no specific criteria that I’m looking for really, it’s just a matter of some very subjective things that resonate with me. Particularly, I look at the humor, the readability of the comic, the layout, the artwork. Again, all of it is subjective, and there were plenty of other great ones that we received.

    These three winners above will be receiving a TL loot box! Thank you to everyone who participated!

    If you want to see the entries that didn’t quite make the cut, head over to the official TL Discord server!

  • TL COMIC STRIP CONTEST May 2023

    TL COMIC STRIP CONTEST May 2023

    EDIT: See the WINNERS here.

    CONTEST!

    Between now and Friday, May 5th, draw, paint or scratch a MARINE CORPS/MILITARY comic strip using the template provided. Your choice of black and white, color, digital, pencil, crayon, whatever.

    3 WINNERS will receive a TERMINAL LANCE LOOT BOX in the mail and will have their comics featured on Terminal Lance. Send your comic to TL via official social media or email to social@terminallance.com before 23:59 May 4th, 2023.

    TEMPLATE:

    Save this template
  • Swim Qual

    Swim Qual

    Swim qual is another one of those things that would be fun if it wasn’t in the Marine Corps. In theory, jumping into a pool with your closest friends and swimming around should be a grand old time.

    However, trying to swim across a pool or tread water for 5 minutes in boots and cammies is a lot harder than it initially looks. These training events more often than not devolve into a panic-attack of splishing and splashing while a cold-hearted instructor watches you drown.

    Me personally: I consider myself a relatively strong swimmer, and had no real problems passing swim qual “2” (the old system pre-2012) in boot camp. I occasionally surf as well, and I can tell you personally that water has a way of separating the real men from the boys. As big and tough as you may think you are, you’re no match for the domain of Poseidon. A big body of water will quickly humble you in seconds if you’re not ready for it.

    It was interesting to see the wide range of proficiencies and deficiencies aboard the Recruit Depot. I was a weak body that couldn’t do 10 pull-ups (tall and lanky), but I could shoot Expert, never fell out of a single hump, and passed Swim Qual with flying colors. Conversely, my platoon guide could run a 300 PFT, but he unq’d on the range and nearly drowned in the pool.

    The Marine Corps is truly a place of unmatched diversity. But never forget, Marines are first and foremost expected to be amphibious.

  • Inclemently Weathered

    Inclemently Weathered

    If it ain’t rainin’, we ain’t training. Or, more accurately, if we ain’t trainin’, it ain’t rainin’.

    Pack your Goretex on every field op, because the good lord certainly has a sense of humor as it pertains to Marines. Maybe we did something in a past life that irked him the wrong way. I dunno. He seems to have a soft spot for making the lives of Marines miserable.

    After all, why else are we the only ones standing post up there?

  • Cozy Bungalow at Twentynine Palms

    Cozy Bungalow at Twentynine Palms

    Welcome to this exclusive cozy, rustic bungalow with industrial vibes in beautiful Twentynine Palms! This converted conex box is located in a gated community with armed security, so you’ll feel safe and sound day and night.

    This authentic experience comes with up to three MRE’s per person, per day, and your own dusty corner to sleep in. To maintain its rustic charm, there is no running water in this vacation rental. Bathroom facilities can be found all across the community in the form of bright blue port-a-shitters. Each port-a-shitter is decorated with hand-drawn art from local craftsmen.

    ADVISORY: Please avoid interacting with the locals, as they can be crude and unusual to visitors. As well, do avoid swimming or making any kind of contact with the beautiful Lake Bandini, as it is toxic.

    Enjoy your stay!

  • Resident Evil 4 – Review
    SCORE
    9/10

    Resident Evil 4 – Review

    If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably already put hundreds of hours into the original Resident Evil 4 in its many iterations and incarnations. Originally released for the Gamecube in 2005, the original RE4 was widely considered a masterpiece and one of the most influential games of all time. It was a massive departure from the titles that came before it, leading the series into more action-driven territory and completely redefining what Resident Evil is. The game was subsequently released on nearly every platform known to mankind since then.

    If there’s anything anyone can hold against the original RE4, it’s that many see it as too far of a departure from what made the original titles great. RE4 replaced the slow-burn survival-horror-puzzle-solving-mansion-navigating with intense and often over-the-top action-horror. Many see RE4 as the harbinger of the series’ flop era that defined nearly every title after it until 2017’s incredible Resident Evil 7 that would revitalized the franchise and lead to the remakes we have today.

    With the 2023 Resident Evil 4 remake, Capcom has decidedly inched RE4 back toward the direction of horror. Ironically, RE4 Remake successfully borrows a lot from the Resident Evil 2 remake we got in 2019 (which actually borrowed a lot from the original Resident Evil 4), from overall tone to basically the entire look and feel of the game.

    While both RE2 and RE4 are remakes of their respective classics, RE4 somehow feels much closer to its original than RE2 did. Naturally, since the behind-the-shoulder third person camera is unchanged, but even the environments and the overall progression of the game are much closer to the old RE4 than I was expecting. Beat for beat, nearly everything from the 2005 classic is here. There are some minor things that have been cut, but mostly in the service of streamlining the game and making it feel like a more natural and realistic.

    For instance, classic RE4 often felt like a series of sandbox encounters. You enter a room, the door slams, and you have to kill everything before you can proceed. In the new game, each area feels less like an arcade shooting gallery event and more like you just walked in on something you weren’t supposed to. The castle in particular has gotten a massive upgrade from being a kind of hokey and strange area to being a truly creepy place that feels like it belongs there.

    Graphically, RE4 has gotten the ultimate glow-up 18 years later. The RE engine that Capcom has developed has truly delivered on its next-gen promise since it hit the scene a few years ago. I played the game on PS5, which had full ray-tracing support and even an optional hair simulation for Leon (instead of standard hair cards). Everything from character models, lighting, effects, are all absolutely top-notch and really add to the horror atmosphere.

    Overall, RE4 remake starts at a baseline of being as good as the original 2005 classic, and simply improves upon it in every conceivable way. The gunplay and enemy encounters are just as tight and intense as they used to be, only now it looks profoundly more realistic with modern graphics. It is faithful to the original title while simply being incredible in its own right. My first play through took about 16 hours, which is comparable or a little bit longer than the original, and the game has plenty of replay value in the form of rankings and unlockables.

  • The 7-Ton Guy

    The 7-Ton Guy

    Not all heroes wear capes. In this case, they tend to wear boots-and-utes and are under 5’6″ (so they can stand up straight in the back of the 7-ton).

    The 7-ton guy is the hero we need, but definitely don’t deserve. They risk their backs and their bare hands to make sure those packs are stacked up and easy to pull out upon arrival to your (terrible) destination.

    The 7-ton guy is the guy that is always there for us, even when we’re not there for ourselves. He’s the guy that you want to buy a beer for, even though he didn’t ask for one. He’s just there… Ready and waiting, until duty calls.

    Thank you for your service, 7-ton guy.