The Ghost of Chesty Puller comes to us Marines in our most trying times. We never know when he will pop up to give us clarity and insight into our lives, but we’re happy that he does.
Merry Christmas, Marines.
Author: Maximilian
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The Peanut Butter Shot
There are few experiences as universally despised and ubiquitous to Marine Corps bootcamp as the dreaded “peanut butter shot.” This penicillin cocktail is the bane of new recruits across San Diego and Parris Island for its thick consistency and 12-gauge needle that gets administered directly into the buttocks.
I’m not a doctor, so I can’t tell you why a penicillin shot needs to be thick as Skippy (with nuts), but I can tell you it sucks to be on the receiving end of it. The worst part? They make you butt-roll on the ground immediately after to squish it deeper into your muscle tissue.
Those with the red dog tags got lucky with this one.
On a personal note, I just want to mention that I recognize that I’ve been absent a lot lately. Those of you that don’t know, I am now utilizing my GI Bill to do a graduate program at UCLA, and we just finished finals. Hand-painting animation cels is not as fun as it sounds, let me tell you.
It’s been a tough balance this time though, especially now that I’m a father as well. I have a lot more thoughts on it, but I will leave it for now…
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ASVAB Aptitude
Last year, the military at large missed its recruiting goals by a large margin. In 2022, the Army was down 25% of its goal, with the Navy and Air Force also missing their marks.
It seems Gen-Z is either unqualified or simply uninterested in enlisting. One could speculate on the variety of reasons for why the kids aren’t taking to the idea of handing their freedom, life, and soul over to Uncle Sam for 4 years.
Perhaps they aren’t as patriotic, given the absolute mess of a government we’ve had for the last decade. Perhaps they simply just value their downtime to focus on their existential dread at a collapsing post-modern world where nothing seems to matter anymore. I can respect that.
Either way, something needs to be done. The ASVAB may not be the biggest barrier to entry, but at least maybe now you can order the kids mac & cheese along with your MEPS duck-walk and butthole inspection.
Oddly, the Marine Corps and the Space Force were the only branches that met their recruiting goals in recent years.
To me, this signals the niche-ification of the military. The people that want to enlist are going for the hardest ones, without giving much thought to the larger, easier-to-get-into Army or Navy. These are people that have done the research and want whatever the military can give them that they can’t get at home. Perhaps the future of the military is smaller, leaner, smarter, and more specialized.
With the way things are going in the world [war 3], let’s hope it’s enough.
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Veterans Day Presentation
Those old OIF moto-videos really hit different. If you were in the Corps around that time, you were surely shown a variety of different motivational videos from Iraq to such great hits as “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” and Seether’s “Out of My Way,” at the School of Infantry (and maybe even boot camp).
This comic is based on a true story… Well, partly. No, I didn’t show the kids any of these old LiveLeak classics, but my toddler goes to daycare and his teachers did ask me to come in for Veterans Day and talk to the pre-schoolers about my service.
My favorite part was showing them a photo of some Iraqi children I took along the Syrian border back in 2009.
“They’re at the beach!” they shouted out, seeing the surrounding sand.
Not quite.
This Veterans Day has been more melancholy than usual for me. For what it’s worth, I always felt like I did a good job of separating my personal life from my “work,” (which, because of Terminal Lance, happens to be very closely tied to my military service).
As I was going through the photos from Iraq that I was going to show the class, I became overwhelmed with emotions that I think I had been avoiding for many years. It was a strange time in a strange land… We were all so young.
Maybe I never actually found what I was looking for.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CzeWrbOJWyR/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
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Meanwhile, at the Birthday Ball…
As the Marine Corps celebrated its 248th birthday on Friday, Marines around the globe gathered for their battalion-mandated birthday balls and ate, drank, and drank some more. At every birthday ball, it is customary to include a cake-cutting ceremony where the youngest and oldest Marines present eat a piece of cake (symbolizing inappropriate fraternization relationships or something, idk).
Age is an interesting phenomenon in the Corps. The youngest Marines always seem to get younger, and the oldest Marines are always way younger than they look.
I attended the birthday ball as the Guest of Honor for 1st Distribution Support Battalion down in San Diego, where the youngest Marine there was born in 2005. It signified to me that we’re well-past the post 9/11 era and are entering something brand new.
With everything going on in the world right now, who knows what we’ll end up calling it a few years from now. I do know that there’s only 4 short years left before Gen-Z is no longer up and coming, and Gen-Alpha will be the youngest Marines present at the ball.
Either way, I had a good time.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CzLDqGYuaLV/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
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The Reenlistment Ceremony
It’s not unusual for Marines to be placed into some kind of miserable formation for a ceremony they’d rather not be at. Reenlistments are one of those, but with the added variable of being at any location of the reenlistee’s choosing. People can reenlist at home, overseas, on the sea, and even in the sea–the latter being a favorite among many that are stationed near a beach.
As the person being honored, I’m sure there’s no greater feeling than making everyone around you even more depressed and uncomfortable than they already are as enlisted Marines.
Personally, if I had reenlisted, I would have wanted my ceremony to be at a Buffalo Wild Wings, with the Uniform of the Day being rainbow PT gear and all-weather coats.
This is a moot point, however, as that was never going to happen.
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Ball Wash
It’s ball season. You know what that means… Time for some hot, steamy, soapy, sudsy, Lance Corporal action. It’s the time of year you’ll see Marines around every Marine Corps base doing all manner of delectable fundraising in support of their upcoming unit Birthday Balls.
November is always a busy time of year for military and veterans, with the Marine Corps Birthday and Veteran’s Day falling directly next to each other. It can lead to serious medical complications, so be mindful.
In other news, in case you missed it, the official Terminal Lance Shop is now selling officially licensed Marine Corps merchandise! This week we’ve launched a series of Eagle, Globe & Anchor shirts designed by yours truly and available exclusively at the TL shop.
Motivation is in. Buy here.
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Arrive Alive
Alcohol-related incidents are a serious problem in the Marine Corps community. I suppose that’s naturally what happens when you have a high-stress environment and young men and women with already low-inhibitions and a built-in sense of invincibility (by design).
Marines love to drink, so it’s important that the Corps address these challenges with practical solutions. It’s been scientifically proven that nothing kills the vibe faster than talking to a Staff NCO of any paygrade.
Have you ever been enjoying yourself and been suddenly forced to interact with an E-7?
It’s the worst.
This new program is a modern solution to an age-old problem. Stay safe out there, Marines.
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Alcohol-Induced Sobriety
If you’re anything like me (who is?), you’ve maybe seen the Old Corps Pro-Tip of avoiding the dreaded “recall from liberty” text by responding that you’ve already began drinking.
You see, your NCO’s and Staff NCO’s are powerless to rebuke this excuse, because they’re the ones that are always telling you not to drink and drive. You, then, become a paragon of virtue and responsible Marine Corps behavior, and will be lauded and excused from the nonsense and debauchery surely unfolding back on base.
That is, of course, if you’re:
- Old enough to be drinking.
- Actually supposed to be off-duty.
80 percent of the time, it works every time. If not, maybe you’ll end up at SACO and meet new friends. It’s important to stay positive.
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Party with Arty
Artillery Marines in the 08XX field like their big guns. They like them long and erect while firing hot loads on America’s enemies. When the enemy is playing hard to get, Arty is able to penetrate any defense from a distance with their massive cannons.
Anyone joining an artillery battalion can be sure that whatever they may lack in the length or stature of their personal firepower, they’ll certainly make up for it with the big boom-booms they wield on the battlefield.
Can you believe that in 13 years of making Terminal Lance comics, I’ve never once done anything about Arty? Hopefully it’s not too-little, too-late, as most of the Marine Corps’ artillery will be undergoing drastic force modernization and a slight shift away from the phallic glory we know and love.
For now, though, they can stand tall and proud.
Pro-tip: groom well and shave the base to make it look bigger.