I saw Johnson’s wife on Tinder… I swiped right.
I heard one of the Marines from 2nd Platoon is offering $100 to anyone that can swallow a bottle of dip spit without gagging.
I heard Thompson got a FAP order… Then immediately NJP’d for indecent exposure when he started masturbating in front of First Sergeant.
There’s a new strain of antibiotic resistant gonorrhea going around in Jacksonville. I’m letting you know because I was instructed to inform anyone I might have had sexual contact with. Sorry bro.
Don’t tell anyone, but Jackson has been UA for six days now. Staff Sergeant still hasn’t noticed.
Palmer EAS’d three months ago, but he’s still living in the barracks.
There’s a lot of talk about war with North Korea… People are really worried that the President has access to the codes to unleash General Mattis.
Dude, we’re getting a wook in our platoon! I heard he’s a veteran of the Clone Wars.
2nd Lieutenant Paulson is really worried about the transgender ban, because everyone knows he’s a giant pussy pretending to be a dick.