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The Lance Corporal Underground

February 25, 2019

Did you see that study in the Marine Times? It said that barracks cut quality has gone way down since the Trump administration deported all of the Mexican Marines…


I heard that the government has a contract with a foreign toy manufacturer to collect haircut shavings every Sunday to fill stuffed animals…


My buddy at HQMC told me there’s a new Marine Corps Order coming next month… It says that black, white, Asian and Hispanic Marines will now be officially called Chocolate, Vanilla, Sriracha, and Taco-flavored Marines, respectively.


Rumor has it that General Neller just acquired the 6th Infinity Stone…


I heard that, starting next quarter, female Marines are going to start to have to get male regulation fade haircuts…


My buddy in the company office told me that the CO and 1stSgt are actually married. They collect BAH by living in the Company Office.


Rumor has it that next month’s Family Fun Day is officially going to be renamed The Dependa Games. It’s basically gonna be a live battle royale for Commissary and MCX coupons at one of the parks at base housing.


A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of boots walking around Oceanside is called a ‘Boot-Boot Gagglefuck.’


I read that Jacksonville has taken the Time Magazine award for most unplanned pregnancies, STD’s and DUI’s in the US.


I heard that the creator of Terminal Lance has a new book coming out this summer and it looks legit…



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The Lance Corporal Underground

August 9, 2017

I saw Johnson’s wife on Tinder… I swiped right.

 


I heard one of the Marines from 2nd Platoon is offering $100 to anyone that can swallow a bottle of dip spit without gagging.

 


I heard Thompson got a FAP order… Then immediately NJP’d for indecent exposure when he started masturbating in front of First Sergeant.

 


There’s a new strain of antibiotic resistant gonorrhea going around in Jacksonville. I’m letting you know because I was instructed to inform anyone I might have had sexual contact with. Sorry bro.

 


Don’t tell anyone, but Jackson has been UA for six days now. Staff Sergeant still hasn’t noticed.

 


Palmer EAS’d three months ago, but he’s still living in the barracks.

 


There’s a lot of talk about war with North Korea… People are really worried that the President has access to the codes to unleash General Mattis. 

 


Dude, we’re getting a wook in our platoon! I heard he’s a veteran of the Clone Wars.

 


2nd Lieutenant Paulson is really worried about the transgender ban, because everyone knows he’s a giant pussy pretending to be a dick.

 

 


Somebody told me that Terminal Lance is putting out a huge compilation book featuring over 800 comic strips and exclusive bonus material…

Terminal Lance

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Dunkirk Review

July 22, 2017

Dunkirk is the story of the British military’s evacuation of 400,000 troops from France during the beginning of World War II. You might expect a story of this nature to be wrought with lengthy expositions and political discourse, but Christopher Nolan has crafted this film from start to finish with very minimal dialog, instead relying on a tense momentum of action and sound to carry the film for nearly the entire length of its 1 hour and 47 minute runtime. Making a brilliant return from his Dark Knight Rises and Interstellar lull, Nolan’s Dunkirk is a profoundly skilled and tense visionary masterpiece from start to finish.

The tale begins following a young British soldier named Tommy on the streets of France, before his whole squad is wiped out and he makes a run for the beach. The narrative from there finds us bouncing non-linearly between three different perspectives of the same event: Tommy, one of the British soldiers being evacuated, Farrier, the Spitfire fighter pilot assisting in the evacuations, and one of the civilian fishing boats that bravely crossed the English channel to help save the stranded troops. The drama reaches a peak early on with an intensity that persists long into the film, rarely giving you a chance to look away between the tense dogfights in the air and the waterlogged action in the sea.

Christopher Nolan is known for his attention to detail and realism in his films, and Dunkirk is no different. Instead of the computer-assisted visual splendors you see in most modern action movies, Dunkirk has a tasteful restraint in everything it does, with sound and visuals that feel very authentic and real to the period. The film does a remarkable job of making you feel the looming presence of the encroaching Nazi’s, despite never actually showing a single German soldier.

American audiences might be turned off by the, well, lack of Americans–but this is a historical piece faithful to the reality that took place a year before the US entered World War II.

Overall, Dunkirk is an amazing spectacle that is absolutely worth the ticket price.

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The Bromance of General Dunford and Secretary of Defense Mattis

June 6, 2017

When ur BFF comes to work at your job 😍

 

Just havin’ a drink with my best bros 💕

 

Joe’s always got the best jokes! 😂

 

Fuckin’ Joe u crazy lmao 🤣

 

Jim u can look at my answers if you want lol

 

Best friends til the end 🤜🤛

Terminal Lance

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The Lance Corporal Underground

December 12, 2016

My buddy at headquarters told me they’re gonna make “Senior Lance Corporal” an actual rank. It’ll be like Specialist in the Army, but not retarded.

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I heard Trump wants to limit the military to only gay and lesbians to cut down on the cost of dependents.

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I heard Alvarez got busted down so many times they sent him back to boot camp.

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My buddy at battalion said our unit is on standby to be deployed to Iraq any day now…

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There’s this wook over at supply that will hook you up if you hook her up… With women. She’s lesbian as fuck.

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I heard the POG barracks have an ice cream machine and live concerts on Thursdays.

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My cousin in boot camp told me they’re handing out stress cards now, and they’re not gonna do the reaper anymore.

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There’s a stripper out in town that’s married to 17 different Marines in the battalion. At the same time.

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A friend of mine in DC told me General Mattis is going to start doing free Panda Express Monday in the chow hall after he takes office.

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No one has seen Thompson for 3 weeks, but we keep signing his name on the roster because we don’t want to get in trouble.

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Terminal Lance

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The Lance Corporal Underground

October 19, 2016

Don’t tell anyone this, but I heard Stephens and Nash told everyone they were getting married for the BAH and to move out of the barracks… But they’re actually gay and in love.

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I got a buddy in Quantico that told me the Commandant is actually a computer animated hologram like Tupac.

 


I heard that President Obama wanted to reenlist for another 4 years, but the cutting score was too high.

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I heard your name came up in the staff meeting yesterday. I dunno, man. Probably nothing to worry about.

 


I heard the armory actually has a ton of firing pins laying around.

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Samson told me he slept with one of the chow hall ladies, and now he gets double dessert every day.

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Doc is gay.


My buddy at IPAC told me that we already have a woman in our platoon. It’s Browns, she just gets a medium-reg and uses a she-wee so no one notices.

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I read in the Marine Corps Times that we’re getting a new rifle any day now.

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Chuck over at the company office told me Gunny switched from coffee spiked with Bailey’s to just Bailey’s now.

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