This isn’t the first time I’ve used Chongo to illustrate some of the sillier parts of the Marine Corps, nor is it the first time I’ve talked about the issues of the way marriage is handled. However, it occurred to me that the marriage of these two ideas seemed fitting to illustrate just why the marriage/dependent system of the military is so abstractly absurd.

Now, now, settle down Chongo. Let me explain.

Like many enlisted Marines over the age of 20, I’m divorced. Like many Marines I rushed into marriage because living in Hawaii it was the only way for my (at the time) girlfriend and I to be together, and it allowed me to have a relatively normal lifestyle. Not only do you get to move out of the barracks (and who wouldn’t want to live in a decrepit building with 150 other men that drink and break things every night?), but you get to choose between living in the (fairly nice) base housing options or collect BAH depending on the zip code. If you’re in Hawaii, that’s quite a hefty sum for the average Lance Corporal. Even without collecting the BAH, living in base housing is pretty great when you contrast it with the barracks. Instead of sleeping 3 to a 10×10 room on top of each other, you get a legitimate house or apartment without having to worry about rent or utilities.

It’s conducive to the classical vision of the nuclear family, but not to the poor decisions of Lance Corporals. People really aren’t supposed to get married at such a young age, before they’ve even had a chance to discover themselves. As a result, you see more marriages end than succeed, and plenty of young Marines biting off a lot more than they can chew.

Anyway, this week is Thanksgiving! I dunno about you, but I’m going home for some much needed family time. The last time I went home was… Christmas. So yeah. I may or may not have a new comic on Friday, but I’m sure you’ll all be too hungover on tryptophan and door buster holiday savings to notice anyway.

In any case, go eat some turkey this week.


Can you blame him really?

My OIC during my second deployment was a CBRN Chief Warrant Officer, and needless to say, he masturbated a lot he didn’t do much CBRN stuff on the daily. If you’re reading this and you have no idea what CBRN is, you’re probably a dumb boot anyway, but I’ll explain.

CBRN stands for Chemical, Biological, Radiological and Nuclear. These Marines are your specialists when it comes to chemical weapons, there’s usually a CWO and 2 or 3 enlisted guys per battalion. The gas chamber annual training is like Christmas, the 4th of July, and the biblical apocalypse combined for them, it’s the only time of year they get to come out of hiding and administer their cruel hobby unto the poor Marines. Seriously, they get off on this shit. It’s kind of weird and mildly disconcerting.

The gas chamber gets a lot of hype in boot camp, but you have to do the damn thing every year in the fleet (though I think I only did it twice in 4 years with the deployment cycles). The fleet version is a lot more chill, since everyone is hung over and no one really wants to be there anyway. Usually you just throw on a MOPP suit and shuffle into the dank little room where some asshole CBRN guy is vigorously stroking his ego over some ghetto-rigged Coleman burner, wofting smoke into the air like some kind of fucked up Native American medicine man.

Unlike the Natives though, the tears will be coming from you as you fuck up clearing your mask and choke on your own mucous.

It’s a lot of fun for everyone, really.

Hopefully Abe isn’t biting off more than he can chew here (or his boot, at least).

With the horrendous events that unfolded over the weekend in Paris, it’s understandable to see a lot of Americans upset. Notably, I’ve noticed a lot of Marines and service members ready to take the fight to ISIS and into the middle east. The President has already noted that a large scale ground conflict is most likely not going to happen any time soon, so don’t go blowing your paycheck on new boots and high-speed chest rigs just yet.

I’ve definitely noticed a large shift in the Marine culture over the last couple of years as things have died down with Afghanistan. Peacetime is in full swing, deployments are in low order and Marines are hungry for action. For whatever appetite you may have for such things, never forget that war is very real. I think the US is right to use caution, lest we be dragged into another quagmire in the same sands of Iraq as we were before.

I’m not an expert on such matters, and I trust that people much smarter than myself have better ideas than yours truly. Still though, I’m interested to see where these events take us.

It’s hard to deny the feeling that Friday’s attacks had the aroma of an impending new era of conflict.

On a lighter note, you might have noticed that there’s a new character in the Terminal Lance canon. I’ve just been calling him Boot.

He doesn’t rate a name.

Lastly, Terminal Lance has an official new Twitter account! Of course, you can also still follow my personal one here.

Well today is officially the 240th birthday of the United States Marine Corps.

A traditional custom of the Marine species is to greet one another with “Happy Birthday” on the day of the birthday. Of course, it’s not actually their birthday, and despite Abe’s insistence, there’s no obligation to get Marines a “birthday present.” Still though, if you want to buy me a birthday present, I’m not going to stop you.

I really won’t.

Don’t forget that tomorrow is Veteran’s Day! If you can conceal your moto-boner long enough to make it into a public setting, there’s plenty of places offering free meals to soak up your post-birthday bash hangovers. We Are the Mighty has prepared a fairly comprehensive list of 71 restaurants offering free shit Here is a huge list of restaurants offering free shit tomorrow! You should definitely check it out and take advantage of it.

Every time I post about getting free food there’s always some douche in the comments that says “I don’t do that, I have honor and am too busy sniffing my own farts or some lame shit like that. Whatever, I’m not going to feel bad about eating free shit from a mega corporation who’s only doing it because it brings business. I’ll eat my unhealthy shit food and I’ll enjoy it, because it’s free, like America.

Only someone anti-American would deny freedom.

Speaking of freedom, The White Donkey is finished. I’ve sent the book to the printer and now I feel… free? I don’t know, it’s a weird feeling. I’ve had this massive thing over my shoulders for the last 2 years, and now I can finally move on to the next thing. For those of you wondering why it took so long, I’m just going to tell you that it just happens to take 2 years to make a 250 page graphic novel by yourself. Go figure. I’ll be posting an update for backers only soon! I know a ton of you need to change your addresses and stuff, I’m going to spend the time in between now and Thanksgiving getting all of that sorted out, just stand by for a couple more days.

As for me, I have a lot I want to do. Now that I can, I believe I’m going to be leaving the Bay Area. I’ll be spending some time with my family in my home state of Oregon at the beginning of the year, and relocating to Los Angeles after that. I love San Francisco, but I’m at a very transitional stage of my life at the moment. I think LA is where I need to be to make my goals happen, at least for now.

The book will be available before Christmas.

Screen Shot 2015-11-08 at 5.49.53 PM

It’s that time of year again, when the moto-boners are rock hard and the guilt-tripping Angry Facebook Veterans come out of their dark basements to tell you you’re a piece of shit for not dedicating every waking moment of your life to honoring the military.

Of course, I would be remiss to neglect that while Veteran’s Day is coming up on November 11th, the other major holiday for Marines is the Marine Corps’ 240th birthday on November 10th. With these tidings brings unwanted car washes and fundraisers to raise money for the ball that no one actually enjoys. I’ll save that rant for the comic I’m sure I’ll be doing next week anyway.

For those of you putting together your own tactical maps of where to get free shit next week, here’s a short list I stole from Time.

Applebee’s: A choice of seven different meals on the house (beverages and gratuity not included).

Bob Evans: Free all-you-can-eat hotcakes.

California Pizza Kitchen: A free entrée from special menu.

Cheeseburger in Paradise: Free All American Burger and fries.

Chili’s: Free meals from a special menu.

Denny’s: Free build-your-own Grand Slam Breakfast from 5 a.m. to noon.

Friendly’s: Free Big Two Do breakfast or free All American Burger meal for lunch or dinner.

Golden Corral: A “thank you” dinner and fundraiser will take place on Monday, November 17, and veterans and active-duty military are welcomed to a free buffet and beverage from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Handel’s Ice Cream: Free single-scoop ice cream cone.

Hooters: Free entrée (up to $10.99 value) with any drink purchase.

IHOP: Free order of Red, White, and Blue pancakes anytime between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.

Krispy Kreme: Free small coffee and a donut.

LaMars Donuts: Free 12 oz. coffee and a donut.

Olive Garden: Free entrée from special menu.

On the Border: Free “create your own combo” meal.

Shoney’s: Free All American Burger.

Starbucks: Veterans and active military and their spouses each get a free tall coffee.

TGI Fridays: Free lunch from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Texas Roadhouse: Free lunch from special menu.

Tim Hortons: Free donut, anytime during the day.

Of course, I’m expecting the typical guilt-tripping comments like “I don’t take advantage of that,” etc. To which I say, good, less waiting time for me.

Much like a wizard or a sorcerer, your Company Commander works in mysterious ways. One does not question his tactics in the company of his nearly divine presence. Regardless of the bullshit excuses, he is and will always be late to every formation you’ve ever had. Not that it matters, it’s his party, after all.

Speaking of Captains in the Marine Corps, there’s always an interesting dichotomy between the POG class and the the infantry lifestyles here. In the infantry, your Company Commander is a holy, pope-like figure that bestows his presence upon you to deliver important tidings. Usually in charge of 100+ Marines ranging from PFC to First Sergeant.


Your Company Commander

In the POG world, it can be a totally different story. The glory and glamor of the infantry Captain is nowhere to be found, as they can often be relegated to being a (hardly) glorified secretary for someone much higher ranking than them, or in charge of a “shop” of like 5 Marines. It’s a hugely different perspective and, at the very least, interesting to think about.

On a personal note, I apologize for the lack of updates lately, I finished The White Donkey last week and have been taking a bit of personal time off after working nonstop for the last 2 months. Things should go back to normal (and more) in the near future.

That little bastard… It’s easy to look back at your time in the Corps with your new civilian-issued rose-tinted glasses, rather than the shit-smeared ones you left with. It doesn’t help that the Marine Corps is currently looking for prior-enlisted guys to join back up.

The further you get away from your time as an active duty Marine, the more you tend to forget the arduous, annoying parts of it. You look back and think to yourself: man, my early 20’s were awesome. I got to travel all over the world, shoot guns, hang out with my bros all day, it was pretty great.

What people usually don’t remember is that they were bitching about it the entire time. I’ll be honest, I was the type of Marine that was counting the days to my EAS date. From day one. In retrospect, it’s really not that bad. The benefits are great and all you really have to do is what you’re told. For some reason standing by in the barracks and playing video games all day with my friends in Hawaii seemed like the worst thing in the world back then, but with how little free time I have these days it seems amazing.

Speaking of me not having any free time, here’s a sneak peak at a full page from my 250-page graphic novel “Terminal Lance: The White Donkey,” due out December 5th. There’s no preorders available at this time, that was kind of what the Kickstarter was for. I’ll let you all know if that changes! (Click to view full size)


Well today is the 240th birthday of the US Navy, and I’m sure they’re having a gay old time over there.

I kid, I kid; of course the Navy isn’t completely gay. It is worth noting, however, that for every straight Corpsman I met there was at least 1 or more gay ones. Not that any of that matters these days, with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell a distant memory and homoerotic courting now completely acceptable. Say what you will about the military, but you can’t deny that it’s actually been significantly more progressive than most parts of the country.

Think about it, there’s no actual discrimination based on race or sexuality now. Granted, women still face disgustingly high sexual assault numbers and the whole females in the infantry thing is a hot issue at the moment.

Still, people are treated fairly equally in the military compared to most places.

Unless you’re a boot. Then you’re a piece of shit and you should feel bad.

Anyway, Happy 240th Birthday Navy! You know we love you.

To celebrate, here’s the totally straight volleyball scene from Top Gun.

Okay, I’m gonna go back to work. You might not hear from me for a bit while I spend the next week without any sleep trying to get this book ready for print.


Welcome home.

Thank baby Jesus, maybe this will finally put a stop to those wild fires.

This week is Fleet Week in San Francisco, which I note because I currently live in the bay area. Around this time of year is when I hear from all of my female friends that they’ve been seeing so many Marines and Sailors walking around town in their “cute uniforms.”

Hearts are broken, unwanted babies are conceived, and the city is left in shambles as ice cream sales skyrocket after they leave. It’s usually a pretty good time.

The best part about fleet week (aside from the gratuitous sex) is definitely the air shows. After all, who doesn’t love seeing jets fly around doing a bunch of cool shit? Even those staunchly opposed to gratuitous military spending can’t conceal their erection when an $80 million F/A-18 flies by with Highway to the Dangerzone playing in the background.

I have been blessed with good fortune this weekend, as I get to see the show up close and personally. Look to the official Terminal Lance Facebook page for those photos this weekend! You can also follow me on Twitter for the inside scoop and even my brand new official Terminal Lance instagram! (My personal Instagram is still here)

Family Fun Day is always such a sausage fest in an infantry unit.

That might soon change, as all the buzz lately has been on the prospect of females in the infantry. I’ve already more or less stated my views on it in the past, but I will say that all of the data shows that the average female will probably not be a good fit for the infantry environment.

With it being forced upon the Corps from higher, they have instead decided to simply introduce a set of gender-neutral standards that all combat-arms MOS’s (even those outside of the 03 field) will have to pass before being allowed in. Simply put, the average female will probably not be be able to join the infantry. With that said, there’s always the opportunity for the extremely non-average female to excel.

Male Marines may soon face an uncomfortable confrontation with their own masculinity.


In other news, I’m sure some of you are like why is Max posting comics from the Marine Times? Why is Max not entertaining me with new, new comics? Has he run out of ideas? Is he dead?

No, you silly fuck, I’m working on my book. Give me a couple more weeks of this and things will go back to normal, I promise. I know some of you Kickstarter backers are getting ancy about updating your addresses and stuff. I’ll be posting a video update when I send this thing off to print that will detail everything you need to know!


I got soul, but I’m not a soldier.