Terminal Lance #484 “MRE Chef”

July 21, 2017

When you spend enough time in the field, eventually the entire MRE menu becomes a bit of a bore. This is when it’s important to have an MRE chef in your squad that can mix and match the tepid ingredients of the meals to make 5-star concoctions for you.

There’s always at least one guy that swears he can make an MRE taste amazing. This usually involves little more than pouring the entire salt packet and mini tabasco bottle into the mix and declaring themselves Iron Chef of the platoon. Other common mixes usually involve the chocolate peanut butter packet thrown into basically anything else sweet, or perhaps adding jalapeño cheese to one of the main courses! 😱

No matter what though, there’s not actually much you can do to save an MRE from itself. Despite how much they might try to lure you with the promise of Skittles and chocolate peanut butter M&M’s, MRE’s are meant to be consumed rather than enjoyed.

More importantly, someone should figure out the recipe to get the MRE’s out of your butthole without damaging it.




Terminal Lance #483 “Married Marines II”

July 18, 2017

Marines often get married younger than most civilians. There’s a number of reasons for this: most of the time the only way for a couple to be together in the military is to be married, since Uncle Sam doesn’t care much at all for girlfriends. Some Marines just get married for the money or to move out of the barracks. Either way, once you leave the barracks… You’ll never be one of the bros again.

The barracks is a special place filled with its own culture of depravity and buck wild shenanigans… most of which are not compatible with a married lifestyle. There’s few things more sad than the married Marines that still try to hang out in the barracks on Friday nights.

Like, dude, go be with your wife.


Leave the barracks to the manically depressed single Marines, it’s bad enough that no one loves them as it is.

I suppose I have marriage on the mind recently since I just tied the knot myself on Friday. Don’t worry, I won’t be hanging around the barracks, but you’re still welcome to come over for game night.



Terminal Lance “Manliness”

July 14, 2017

Congratulations to Michael Virgilio for winning the Terminal Lance Comic Strip Contest of Manliness!

We had a bunch of great submissions though, here are the runners up, all of which will receive copies of the Illustrated Art of Manliness and The White Donkey!




July 12, 2017


You have 36 hours. The rules are simple:

-Make a Terminal Lance comic strip utilizing the theme and title of “Manliness”

-Comics must be submitted via message or email to with the subject “MANLINESS”


-1 winner will have their strip published on Friday, July 14th–as well as receive a copy of The White Donkey: Terminal Lance and The Illustrated Art of Manliness

-4 runners up will ALSO receive copies of The White Donkey and The Illustrated Art of Manliness!

Here is a template to get you started, but is not required. Good luck!



Terminal Lance #482 “Bootcamp: The Tornado”

July 11, 2017

Wow this got dark.

Being an alcoholic father is actually part of the training and prerequisites involved with being a Marine Corps Drill Instructor, so if you’re not used to getting your shit thrashed by an angry, sweaty man… You’re gonna learn.

It goes without saying that bootcamp fucking sucks. I mean, I think it’s supposed to. There’s a certain amount of masochism involved in wanting to be a Marine, since you know from day one it’s actually going to suck.

One of the favorites of the Drill Instructor is called the “tornado,” where they come into the squad bay and just start thrashing shit for no apparent reason and yell at you. It’s more inconvenient than anything else, which I think is the point, since you end up having to sort through all of your stuff and clean it up. Don’t be too surprised if you end up with someone else’s socks, canteens, or herpes, since most of your stuff is going to be intermixed basically every day.

Ya this is a daily thing, really.

I don’t think I could ever be a Drill Instructor. I just don’t drink enough, I guess.

In other news, we got some cool ass new gear at the official Terminal Lance Shop! Click the link to check it out.


There’s a lot up in the air right now and I’m just waiting on some stuff to fall back to the ground before I can make official announcements, but stay tuned… There’s plenty more cool stuff to come.



Privacy Policy

July 8, 2017

Privacy Policy
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Do we use ‘cookies’?
Yes. Cookies are small files that a site or its service provider transfers to your computer’s hard drive through your Web browser (if you allow) that enables the site’s or service provider’s systems to recognize your browser and capture and remember certain information. For example cookies can be used to help remember and process the items in a shopping cart. They are also used to help us understand your preferences based on previous or current site activity, which enables us to provide you with improved services. We also use cookies to help us compile aggregate data about site traffic and site interaction so that we can offer better site experiences and tools in the future.


We use cookies to:
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Terminal Lance #481 “This Guy”

July 7, 2017

We’ve all lived with this guy.

There’s always that one fucking douchebag that is dirty, smells bad, talks loud, has zero consideration for his other roommates and makes you hate your fucking life. And somehow, you always end up living with him.

He’s the guy that doesn’t help clean the room, even though most of the shit on the floor is his. He’s the guy that always eats a slice of your pizza without asking. He’s the reason your room failed field day inspection, but he just doesn’t understand why everyone is being such a dick. He’s the guy that saves over your Bloodborne game halfway through New Game+.

He’s the shitty roommate.

If you don’t know who I’m talking about, it’s very possible that you are in fact the shitty roommate. 



Terminal Lance #480 “The Talk”

June 27, 2017

Staff NCO’s always take it so personally when you tell them you don’t want to reenlist.

Of course, to each their own, I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone how to live their life. If the military lifestyle is working great for you and you love the relative stability of it all, by all means keep re-upping. After all, retiring at the age of 38 is actually a pretty sweet gig, if you make it that far.

However, the Post 9/11 GI Bill really opened up an entire world of opportunity for those of us that take advantage of it (and you should). Even if you actually don’t hate your life at all, getting out and exploring something new is a great way to live, and you have all the freedom in the world to do it.

With that said, even I know some guys that might have been better off just staying in. Generally, they’re the guys that don’t use the GI Bill to go back to school, bounce around shitty jobs and wondering why life on the outside sucks, grow out their veteran beard and live off VA disability checks for their “injuries” and accost people on Facebook for not thanking them for their service.

Don’t be that guy either. Just remember that it’s your life, you get to decide how to live it.

(Unless you reenlist, then the Marine Corps gets to decide. Sorry.)

On a side note, yesterday was weird.


A post shared by Maximilian Uriarte (@tlcplmax) on



Terminal Lance “Seniority”

June 23, 2017

This comic was originally featured in the Marine Corps Times newspaper, which has new, original Terminal Lance comics every issue! Check it out.

Rank and rate are big deals in the military, and there’s always a bigger boot fish. Chain of command and a sense of seniority is innately bound to the lifestyle of being a Marine, where rank and rate can actually matter in a combat zone. Back in the rear and amongst your own peers, however, the line can start to blur between who rates and who rakes (the grass. This is a great saying. I just made it up. Deal with it.).

As well, there’s always that one douchebag that will pull any small ounce of seniority they can to avoid doing work, or be the guy pretending to work by “supervising” the work.

We all know that guy.



Terminal Lance #479 “Stand By II”

June 16, 2017

Standing by for hours on end honestly isn’t all that bad, it’s when you’ll get the bulk of your video game time in to give you the chance to finally Platinum Bloodborne. Still, as we’ve pointed out before, Marines will bitch about basically anything.

Standing by has a storied tradition of fuckery for Marines. It’s when you have absolutely nothing important to do but your command can’t really release you at 11am or else eyebrows start to get raised. So they tell you to go to your room and “wait for word,” which usually means Staff NCO’s are in the company office drinking and bullshitting with each other until they can’t hide from their wives any longer (around 6 or 7pm) so they text your Squad Leader that you guys can actually be “off work.”

This is just the daily in the infantry. I mean, when your actual job description is to get shot at and shoot at people, what else does one do back in the rear?