Author: Maximilian

I’m sure before the war started, going to far away lands for training and exercises was considered hard as fuck. Personally, however, I was never impressed with these tales of absence and excursions. I don’t mean to imply that Iraq and Afghanistan are the only hard places available within the last 20 years–in fact we had a fairly prominent member of our unit who was involved in a conflict in Haiti long before Iraq broke out, where he earned his coveted Combat Action Ribbon. To say that these two locales are the only places that Marines are involved in conflict is a daft understatement, and I fully understand that.

However, heroic expeditions to unknown wars usually wasn’t the case when you find out why and how your senior leadership had managed to skate out of combat zones for his entire enlistment.

In fact, even as I was leaving the Marine Corps, in 2010, there were SNCO’s that I had encountered that had yet to go overseas in support of the war. At all. I won’t discount the idea that the Marine Corps needs SNCO recruiters and DI’s and whatever-the-fuck-else people do outside of the fleet–but when the nation is at war, how do you be in the Marine Corps and not go to war?

It really did shock the hell out of me coming into the fleet, where I naturally assumed all of the 03XX SNCO’s had already been–when I came to find out it was only my Senior Lance Corporals (I still consider that a real billet) that had any real trace of salt on their collars. And please, don’t take this strip as a bash on recruiting or any other B-Billet. I actually ran into my recruiter in Iraq–in Sahl Sinjar of all places–on my 2nd deployment.

Anyway, in other news, Terminal Lance is now on Twitter! Unfortunately the names “Terminal_Lance” and “TerminalLance” were already taken, so I had to take a slightly more personal approach with it. Feel free to follow my tweets @TLCplMax.

Oh, and something hilarious I saw on the Facebook fan page:

I still think it’s funny.

Outside of that, the print sale went well. I’ll let you know when I have another set available. Until next time, have a great week and get something done!

Well this is a pretty easy subject, I suppose. Everyone knows the guys that go out and spend all of their money on any new piece of gear they can find. Anything that makes them look like someone out of a videogame or some BLACKHAWK! ad in Leatherneck Magazine. It’s the stuff that usually no one needs, but somehow it always finds it’s way into the hands of the guys who go outside the wire the least–if at all.

I remember traveling extremely light on a daily basis. My flak had nothing more than 6 standard issue magazine pouches, my IFAK, and an extra pouch for my NVG’s and related gear. Granted, I was mounted, so I kept my water in the truck via Nalgene bottle (cause only boots use canteens); as well as any extra flares or whatever I needed for daily turret-use.

Regardless, even on the ground, you can always tell the saltier Marines from those who wish they were. Marines who have been around know what they need, and tend to carry only that.

On a matter of personal opinion, I think one of the worst decisions a commander (company, battalion or otherwise) can make is creating an SOP system for the flak accessories (besides the IFAK, obviously). The flak is the one piece of gear that absolutely needs to be customized for comfort and practicality. For some reason, Lieutenants seem to think that grenade pouches are the coolest thing in the world, when in practice no one ever really uses them (grenades are a pain to get in or out of those issued ones).

Anyway, another slightly late update. I’ve become a night owl of sorts lately. I haven’t been around Portland the last couple of days but look forward to me scouring the 24 hour cafes and diners writing the next Terminal Lance.

Until next time, motivators.

Military wives are a great thing, however, when a wife takes her husband’s rank into her own sense of worth–it makes them not so much. I’m sorry wives, but you’re not the rank of your husband. You’re not a Marine, you have no authority over Marines or any of their wives based on your husband’s rank.

While I fully support women taking a personal investment into their husband’s professional life, I believe some dependents need to reconsider their mindsets. Many people have suggested I do a strip addressing this subject–I also considered doing one of the “wives rank structure;” and how the high ranking wives tend to hold themselves in higher regard than the lower ranking spouses. Ultimately I decided this was more cruel and to the point, however.

Outside of that, I don’t really have a whole lot to say on the subject. Really, truly though: no one cares.

In other news, the prints are almost entirely gone and will be up for another 24 hours. As of press time, one more remains of Strip #3, and 3 more remain of Strip #17. Speaking of Terminal Lance merchandise, I recently acquired the Terminal Lance hooded sweatshirt from the store. I must say, it is actually quite comfy and warm. I am enjoying it quite thoroughly, and highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good hoodie.

I’m very well considering doing a special edition type of thing soon. I mentioned it in the Facebook fan page earlier this week, and am scrambling through ideas. I’m not sure how I intend to implement this idea yet, or in what format and context, but I plan to do something soon when I get a chance to sit and really work. I’ve had a few ideas in mind, long before I even started making this strip. In fact, I’ve had Terminal Lance in mind years before I actually went live with this.

Initially, Terminal Lance was actually an ongoing story with recurring characters. Ultimately I scrapped this idea, and went with a dual-weekly bite of three-panel Corps jabs to satiate my need for quick wit. Really, if you look at all the strips you’ll see only one recurring character, the dark haired Marine, who is more or less modeled after yours truly. In all honesty though, Terminal Lance is often times very quick and dirty. If you look to strip 15, you’ll see a more traditional piece of art by me, what I typically will do when I have more time to devote to these things.

In any case, I would like to do something more involved in the future. Perhaps I will sketch up some character designs and put together some stories. We’ll see.

On an unrelated note, I’d like to congratulate all of the many civilians who have just graduated college this year. Of these to include my sister, Gayle Uriarte, who acquired her BFA yesterday from the University of Oregon in Eugene. It is strange being able to actually attend these events, as the last 4 years have kept me a minimum of 2,700 miles away at best. I am enjoying it though, I almost forgot what it’s like to be involved with my own family. I’d also like to give a shout out to the Marines in Afghanistan right now, to include 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marines. Keep up the good work and stay safe out there.

On that note, I bid you all a good workweek. Get some work done, you nasties.

A slightly late update on my part, due to the fact that I spent all night creating the new forum and exporting all of the databases from the old forum to the new one. I would like to throw out there that I loathe web-making of any kind; probably why I always preferred Captain America over Spider-Man. Really though, websites just aren’t my thing, which may seem odd for someone who runs one.

In regards to the strip, I recall frequenting the MWR quite a bit when I was in Iraq the first time. I was surprised making phone calls was even possible, but I always hated the complete lack of privacy. Not necessarily for my sake, but for those around me who aren’t quite as quaint as I am with their conversations.

The MWR and AT&T Call Centers were always a place you could find entertainment; if not for the activities they provide, then by the conversations you’re forced to listen to from the Marines surrounding you. The warm, greasy phones hastily wired to ply-wood walls and desks bring back fond memories of late nights in Camp Fallujah. Well, fond in retrospect anyway, at the time they were just as miserable as anything else in Iraq usually is.

Strange how you never saw officers or SNCO’s at the call centers… Oh wait, no it’s not; our platoon sergeant and commander had their own satellite phones they used to call home every night for free while we paid exuberant amounts of cash to call home.

Anyway, in site news: THERE’S A NEW FORUM! If you don’t want to participate, you’re more than welcome to lurk the threads to see what Marines are talking about. Interesting things come up, as well as interesting people. The new forum is SMF run, which is a much better set up than BB Press, if you ask me. I originally went with BB Press with the idea of integrating my blog with the forum user database. I ultimately decided against that idea, but kept the old board around for a while. It was passed due for a change, and I’m happy with the results so far.

In other news, there’s only a combined 8 prints left of #3 and #17. I don’t expect them to last much longer, I sold 10 in the first hour I had them up. People have been asking me if I can hold them. I don’t mind the idea, but unfortunately I have to give them to whoever pays for them. If you pay for it, I’ll hold it as long as you want, but I can’t hold one without receiving payment.

Anyway, it’s almost 0600 PST. I haven’t gone to sleep yet because of the forum and the strip. Oh the things I do for you, my beloved readers. I’m going to commence rack ops at this time, I bid you all a good morning.

Though it may seem like going from song to pubic arson is slightly far-fetched, I may remind you that Marines are a very special kind of animal. As well, when a Marine is bored, the final step of boredom is always something involving the genitals. Lighting one’s pubes on fire isn’t just something I made up either, this actually happened at least three times that I can recall while on my first Iraq deployment. These are the sorts of things you can’t really make up.

But, point being: when it comes to Marines, all paths eventually lead to the genitals.

Bored Marines are some of the most entertaining people on the face of the planet. Where else can you watch a common conversation turn into a wrestling match? Or watch common conversation turn into someone getting the tan-belt choke hold until they go unconscious? Or watch common conversation turn into genital injury? If I miss anything about the Marine Corps, it’s seeing what absurd and ridiculous things come of Marines with too much time on their hands.

In site news, stay tuned this week for some new prints going up on eBay. All of them are high resolution prints, on high quality glossy paper–all hand-signed and numbered by myself. Stand by for that, I’ll let you know via Facebook and the News post of the site when they go up.

Anyway, if I may segue way onto something completely unrelated–I’d like to mention a book self-published by a close friend of mine. Her name is Renda Dodge, and her book is called Inked. It has absolutely nothing to do with the military, but it is a great book by all means. If you’re from the Pacific Northwest, you’ll find it especially good since that is where it takes place. I am mentioning it because I genuinely think it’s a great book, I read the whole thing from front to back before she published it (while on my 2nd deployment, actually) and I couldn’t put it down.

The book is about a girl named Tori, who like many Marines, is covered in many tattoos. The tattoos are a way of keeping track of all of the impacting events on her life that have made her who she is. The story itself is a very rich, emotional and compelling tale. She is a very real girl, her mother is stricken with disease and she goes back to her small home town to take care of her in her last bit of time. All the while, she is uncovering events from her past that have been long forgotten. I was enthralled by Renda’s writing style, which is a very gripping form of up-front realism that delves deep into the mind of the protagonist.

Anyway, I know this has nothing to do with the Marine Corps or the military. If it makes you feel any better, I read it in Iraq, so that sort of makes it military-related (not really); but it really is a great book, and you should definitely check it out.

With that, I bid you all adieu and goodnight.

Rip It® is a registered trademark of Sundance Beverage Company.

I’ll just get straight to the point on this one: Marines love Rip-Its.

For those of you that have never been to Iraq, a Rip-It is an energy drink that they hand out to the Marines and soldiers overseas like delectable cans of liquid candy. Despite the efforts to reduce the amount of caffeine intake by only making the smaller cans available to us, Marines will raid the chow halls when they get the chance and shove as many as they can fit in their cargo pockets, shove em’ in their trucks or keep a reserve in their cans. A good Marine can take about 8 out of the chow hall on a good run, and boy do they.

Energy drinks are big in the Marine Corps. I did this on Rip-Its because it is really as much Iraq humor as it is Marine humor. However, back in garrison–where the world is readily available–Monsters and Rock Stars are just as prevalent. I have yet to actually see the short cans stateside, though I wouldn’t be too shocked to find them.

In any case, the Citrus-X ones were fantastic. Many long nights in the turret were kept fueled by those sweet little cans of delicious. The initial idea for this strip was actually a live action documentary I was going to make on my 2nd deployment, given that I worked with ComCam every day and I had access to high quality camera equipment. However, that idea passed by and has been reborn here in 3 panels.

In site news, I’ll probably be doing another print run soon. The last set ran 10 limited edition prints of Terminal Lance #15, all individually autographed by myself. In my in-depth and accurate Facebook research, I’ve found its going to be a toss up between Terminal Lance #3 “Looking Professional” and Terminal Lance #17 “The Stare”. I’ll keep you all posted on when the new prints become available, I haven’t decided how many I plan on doing yet, or how much they will cost, but pay attention to the News portion of the site as well as the Facebook fan page for updates.

I’m also thinking of starting a Twitter for these sorts of things… I’ll keep you posted on that as well.

Peace out, war-fighting motivators.

PS: Completely unrelated but someone tell me where the best pancakes in Portland, OR can be found, I am on a quest! Good pancakes are a great thing in this world. I prefer them between the hours of midnight and 3am though, so being open late night is a plus. Good coffee is also a plus.

*Edit*

After re-reading this when I woke up I realized I completely forgot to mention the original intent with this strip. My original concept was the idea that the Marines that are genuinely good and care about their jobs seem to get denied re-enlistment for the most absurd reasons, whereas the Marines who don’t give a shit but are re-enlisting because they have nothing better to do seem to get hooked up every time.

This has happened around me multiple times, good Marines getting denied while the douche bags persist. You’ll find that it happens all the time. Much like most things in the Marine Corps, it is a completely backwards system. Anyway, continue on to read the original, slightly off topic post.

*End-Edit*

While I’m sure some people will be offended by this strip, I might remind you that the name of the strip is in fact “Terminal Lance” and should be regarded as such. I will also say that I am hardly the first Marine to make this observation of the higher enlisted ranks that permeate the Marine Corps. The observation being of course that many Staff NCO’s are simply not fit for their rank; immature and hardly knowledgeable. I will not say that it is most, but I will say that for every decent, hard working Staff NCO that I had true respect for; there were probably at least two that were the exact opposite.

There are great Staff NCO’s, and there are not so great Staff NCO’s. I suppose this is true of any rank, but I’m not forced to respect the not so great Lance Corporals and below via Marine Corps Order. I have met Staff NCO’s that I truly thought were legally retarded, or otherwise mentally handicapped in some way. This isn’t just usual Echo-Three dribble either, there was genuinely something wrong with these ones. But alas, stay in long enough, and no matter how useless you may be, you’ll probably pick up.

It’s truly unfortunate that the Staff NCO’s that genuinely give a shit, that actually try to help Marines, and are capable leaders, are largely dragged down by those that slip through the cracks. In compromise though, I will say that this is also true of every rank in the Corps–from Lance to Brass.

To change the subject, I hope all of you had a good Memorial Day weekend. As I mentioned in the News post, Memorial Day is the day where you remember those Marines, Sailors, Soldiers and Airmen that gave the ultimate sacrifice. No matter where you’ve been, no matter how hardcore and awesome you are (and I’m sure you are)–you owe a debt to those who didn’t make it back from Iwo Jima, from Guadalcanal and everywhere else we set our boots down.

If you know someone, which I’m sure my demographic probably does, who died in Iraq or Afghanistan–keep them and their families in your prayers, and extend your condolences and thank you’s to the families they left behind. I know today is Tuesday, but its never too late (or too soon) to remember the fallen. As well, if you know someone who is currently in Afghanistan, think of them cause well… why not?

But enough preaching, I’m sure you all saw enough Facebook statuses regarding the matter.

Anyway, I spent this weekend with family, like I’m sure most of you did–though this was my in-law family. It was great except they’re all of Laos origin, which obviously isn’t a problem, but they do love to eat some… exotic foods. Needless to say, I wasn’t too big on eating grilled duck heads this weekend. Regardless, I had a great time anyway, as I hope all of you did this weekend.

I will leave you all with that, and keep it real.

It is a very common thing, and a very large problem in the Marine Corps. Marines every day fall victim to predatory lenders and debt, ending up with a mountain of financial ails by the time they’re 22 and ready to get out. We all know the guy who never seems to have money for a beer, needs a spot or just can’t keep up with his cell phone. Usually they have all kinds of new, useless shit that seemed like a good idea at the time.

A lot of predatory lenders specifically target Marines, being able to spot a high and tight on top of a poorly dressed body from miles away. New Marines (boots) are specifically susceptible to these practices, as no matter how you look at it, they’re fresh out of high school and really don’t know anything about these sorts of things. If you’re single it’s not hard to go through your entire enlistment just paying a phone bill and saving up your money for when you EAS. Unfortunately most Marines will blow their money on alcohol and cab rides into town anyway, instead of spending it at the Terminal Lance Store, which is clearly a better choice.

Speaking of which, I have added some new shirts to the store. Check it out by clicking the link above or by clicking the “Store” tab at the top of the page. Oh, and if you missed my announcements, there’s a $5 off any $25 or more purchase special at the store right now. Enter the code: Terminallance10 at checkout to receive the discount, the offer is good til the 31st.

In personal news, I think I’ve gained like 10 lbs since I’ve been back. Late night outings to pancake houses have become a staple for me. If you frequent the Hotcake House on SE Powell and 10th, you may find me there being a fat kid, indulging myself on my favorite meal at around midnight. It’s been raining so hard here every day I’ve been back, it’s difficult to find a chance to go for a run. This isn’t that warm Hawaiian rain either, it’s that Oregon rain that can only be accurately described as: “Cold as fuck.”

I got a lot of responses on the last strip, regarding the SgtMaj’s chevrons. Apparently he can buy them, which is pretty cool I suppose. Not nearly as fantastical as I had envisioned, but alright nonetheless. I need to get some serious arting done, I feel very rusty since all I have to work with is this tablet. In any case, look forward to seeing some random artwork put up by me in the News section once I get a chance to sit down and do something different for a change.

Until then, keep keeping it keeping… or something. Rah? ERR!

This is just something I always wondered, where does the Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps get new chevrons? Admittedly, I’ve never been to Quantico, so I don’t really know if they sell them at the PX there–though I would imagine not. Does he only get one pair issued to him? Does CIF issue it to him? Does he have to give them back when he’s done? If he loses one, does CIF try to fuck him over when he turns them in?

These are the sorts of things that go through my head. Plus, I fucking hate CIF.

I don’t have a whole lot to say on the strip, I think everyone on the Enlisted side should appreciate it. Prior to the “Combat Hardened” chevrons they sell now, these stupid things would lose their luster faster than you could complain about it. In fact, I’m surprised it’s taken the manufacturer as long as it did to make chevrons that didn’t chip so easily. Whatever the case, I know we’ve all been there, scribbling a sharpie on your chevron prior to formations to stay under the radar. You can always tell the ones that have had the Magic Marker treatment, too: they tend to fade to a glossy purple not after long.

Outside of comic business. I’ve been out of Hawaii for a couple of weeks now–back in Portland. I received my DD-214 in the mail today, it was somewhat of a special moment. I am officially out. I don’t have much here to work with; I was smart enough to pack my WACOM tablet with me when I flew out so I’ve been making the comics on that. Normally I would do them by hand and scan them in but I don’t really have that kind of resources here while my equipment is all in transit. It really sucks that it takes over a month for stuff to get from Hawaii to Portland, I’m not sure what it’s all doing right now–but I know the journey from the islands to here is not a month long trek. I can only imagine the kind of adventures my personal affects are undertaking, wrought with stories and epic journeys.

Well the tablet is sufficing me, I used to do a lot of artwork on it but I am quite rusty at it. Give me a few weeks and I’ll be back up to speed. I appreciate your patience with my whole moving thing, life has been quite interesting in the last few weeks. Stay tuned though, Terminal Lance isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

It is with cheer and a grain of salt that I officially say goodbye to the Marine Corps. 4 years ago, on this day, I left Oregon not with but the clothes on my back–with the pipe dream notion that war breeds men. It was with tears and a cold Oregon rain that I parted ways with my old life, knowing full well the possibility I would meet my fate on the battlefield. That was exactly why I went though: I needed to know. I needed to know if I could look the devil in the eye and walk away, I needed to know if I could handle war.

My recruiter was surprised at my adamant decision to join the infantry. With a GT score of 131, ASVAB total of 92 I could’ve done just about anything in the ‘Corps. I would have it no other way, however. I feel like there is a purity involved with the infantry, a kind of simple truth to it all. People say grunts are dumb, but I was hardly the smartest person I’ve met in the field. There were more than a couple of people in my platoon with higher test scores than myself, perhaps we were an exception to the rule, perhaps not. People join the Marine Corps for a variety of reasons, few of them truly want to see the rotten side of life though–and most of them that are smart enough go do something more respectable than walk around with a rifle. I am however a subscriber to the idea of the noble savage, and thus sold on the infantry.

The idea of experiencing something truly soul destroying was my main motivation behind joining the Marines–and especially the infantry. So what did Iraq do for me? I never experienced anything horrible or mind-shattering while I was overseas. I hit the ass-end of the war, the “hearts and minds” part of it all. I spent the better hours of my first deployment handing out beanie babies and soccer balls to the children of Zaidon, via the turret of an MRAP. We were limited to a few short moments of terror, dispersed by much larger amounts of boredom. My second deployment was spent all over Iraq, visiting different FOBs and COPs to photograph and sketch Marines.

The experiences I got weren’t quite what I was shooting for; no Phantom Fury, no large scale war-fighting and city-clearing. Just the experiences of an average grunt in a dying war. So what did all of this do for me? What great wisdom did I acquire through 4 years of seeding bullshit?

At this point… I don’t know.

I do know however, I feel better. I feel like I at least tried, I feel like I did something that no one else (around here anyway) can say that they did. I’ve been around the world, been shot at and have had to deal with epic amounts of bullshit on a daily basis. In all honesty, I do feel like I’m a better man for it all. Whatever the case, exactly what happened to me is exactly what the higher powers that be had intended for me.

I will take this experience, these events that have shaped me in the last 4 years and use them for the better. I will be going to art school now, and I’ll be twice the man that every other fresh out of high school 18 year old will be that will inevitably be going there. None of them will ever know what it’s like, will never experience what we have, will never go through anything like what we have.

These last 4 years have been the most blood, sweat and tears of my life–and I’m proud to say that I made it out the other side.

With that I bid you adieu, and I will see you all next week. Sorry for the late update, been pretty busy lately with personal matters. It turns out being unemployed doesn’t mean you can just sit around all day when you’re just getting out of the military and married and are trying to find a new place to live and trying to go to school, etc. Strange huh?

Anyway, for those of you who remain in the Corps, stick it out and do your job. Keep it real and don’t let the culture of bullshit infect your mind. Stay who you are, if who you are is worth staying.