Author: Maximilian

  • The Enlisted Sun-kiss

    The Enlisted Sun-kiss

    They say that Marines don’t see skin-color, and that all Marines are green. While this is debatable with regard to race and ethnicity, it’s hard not to notice becoming drastically two-toned during your enlistment.

    Marines spend a lot of time outside. As well, uniform regulations state that the vast majority of the time spent outside will be done with at least a T-shirt on. Field-ops, working parties, training, formations, and more will see Marines standing out in the sun for often hours on-end.

    It is near-impossible to avoid the inevitable “Farmer’s Tan” that is a trademark of all Marines and the lament of Marine spouses and partners across the globe. Put on some sunscreen and embrace your multi-toned future, warrior.

  • The Military Discount

    The Military Discount

    Every veteran or service member has been faced with whether or not they want to ask for the military discount at select retailers and restaurants. Maybe it’s painless at a famously patriotic stop like Lowes or Home Depot, or maybe it’s less advertised and more awkward.

    Do you go for it? Do you ask for the discount? It can’t hurt, right?

    As you may imagine if you’ve been following Terminal Lance for a while, I’m with Abe on this one. If a business wants to give me 10-15% off my purchase because I wore camouflage or whatever, that’s their problem and my gain. Life is hard enough, I’ll take what I can get. Maybe it’s awkward for some, but I went to Iraq twice and I grew up poor as hell.

    You think I’m too good to take advantage of the world’s largest corporation giving me 10% off a new iPad? Hell no I’m not.

    If you’re anything like me, you may appreciate this comprehensive list of places you can shamelessly play the Veteran card.

    Speaking of being shameless, please check out the official TL Patreon! My goal is to get enough subscribers on Patreon that we no longer need these eye-sore ads. Help Terminal Lance go ad-free and subscribe today!

    …There is no military discount.

  • Sergeant Majoppenheimer

    Sergeant Majoppenheimer

    There comes a moment in every enlisted Marine’s career when they cross the threshold of darkness into leadership. When they become the very thing they swore against. Turned against their brothers in arms, it tears their dark souls and icy hearts to the point of destruction.

    By the time an enlisted Marine reaches the rank of Sergeant Major, there is no going back. They have become the institution itself, wielding incredible Green Weenie powers that few can defend against.

    This isn’t to say that all Sergeants Major are bad or evil, but what other conclusion can one draw from a class of people that insist that the plural of “Sergeant Major” is “Sergeants Major”?

    Insanity.

    In other news, you may have noticed that TL is now on Patreon! Terminal Lance is an independent comic, going on 13 years now, and it’s a lot of work. People often wonder how they can support the work I’ve done here, and this is the perfect opportunity.

    My goal for TL is to expand our efforts. Create more entertainment for Marines. Not just me, but empower other voices across the Corps and just have a lot of fun.

    If you want to get some behind-the-scenes access and extra fan-service, join the TL Underground today and support the mission of entertaining Marines!

  • TL Underground

    TL Underground

    Terminal Lance is now on Patreon!

    Warrior! TL needs you! The Green Weenie forces grow stronger by the hour. Heroes that are good and chill are needed to stem the tide against such treachery.

    Join the TL Underground today on Patreon to join the fight!

    In all seriousness, we could really use your help. Traditionally, Terminal Lance had been supported via ad revenue on this website (terminallance.com). However, the very nature of the internet has changed drastically over the years.

    Now, instead of just posting my comic and content here, it’s posted organically on Instagram, Twitter, Threads, Facebook, etc. The quest for eyeballs on the comics has meant that less traffic heads to terminallance.com. In addition, ad revenue across the board is trash these days, so it’s doubly bad.

    My goal with Terminal Lance is to expand. Expansion of the brand, creating more content, and empowering new voices across the Corps is what I envision for TL. Simply put, I can’t keep doing this forever, and the more we can turn TL into a self-sustaining machine that entertains Marines, the more I can begin to step away take a more overseer role here.

    With steady cashflow, we can create more content for Marines. More fun, more entertainment, more LCPL stuff. If we succeed, TL can go ad-free and we won’t need to shill energy drinks and protein powder.

    Join the TL Underground today.

  • Final Fantasy XVI – Review
    SCORE
    9/10

    Final Fantasy XVI – Review

    Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, Final Fantasy made its glorious return recently in the form of Final Fantasy XVI for PlayStation 5. What began humbly in 1987 on the NES as a turn-based dungeon-crawler culminates in 2023 as a cinematic showcase of polished videogame storytelling and action. Final Fantasy XVI has incredible highs and middling lows, ultimately making it a worthy follow-up in the long-running series.

    Final Fantasy XVI follows the story of Clive, a prince who’s been displaced as a slave after war tears his family and homeland apart. What makes Clive unique is that he also carries the power of the Eikon, Ifrit. Eikons are what we normally know in Final Fantasy games as “summons,” or giant godlike entities that we all know and love like Shiva, Ramuh, Odin and Bahamut.

    The game starts with an incredible bang, diving right into the epic Eikon action with an absolutely mesmerizing Ifrit VS Phoenix fight. It’s here that you realize this isn’t like any Final Fantasy game before it, as the gameplay turns into a flight-sim cinematic-action extravaganza with a roaring choir and orchestral score as the two monsters tear each other apart.

    I found it really interesting how the game embraced the Eikons as a major part of the story. Hell, the whole story really revolves around them. In previous Final Fantasy titles, the “summons,” really just pop up as spells during battle, inflicting damage on enemies and then disappearing. Final Fantasy XVI doesn’t make this stark distinction between the battle system and the story, as anything that Clive can do in a fight, he can do in story cinematics as well.

    This made the cutscenes particularly interesting, as they really embraced a kind of anime-inspired epic absurdity that previous games hadn’t. Watching Ifrit battle Bahamut above the earth’s atmosphere was probably the most incredible shit I’ve ever seen in a video game.

    These insane highs are punctuated by unfortunately overlong and meandering sidequests that, while adding some lore and background to the world, are an absolute slog to play through.

    Main quests are marked by red icons in the game, while green markers indicate a “side quest.” While some of the side quests unlock upgrades and new features, I groaned every time one of those damn green icons popped up, because I knew I was in for about 20 minutes of boredom.

    The problem is that, while most of the main story is fully fleshed out with well-directed and acted cinematics that push the boundaries of videogames, the side quests are often relegated to the “B-team,” and feel incredibly video-gamey, with bad camera angles and stiff animations of talking heads saying way too much dialog to each other.

    Despite these bits bogging the game down, I found the positives really outweighed the negatives. I think there was a point about halfway through where the game really clicked for me and went from being a 7 to being a 9. I think if you can embrace the anime-inspiration of Final Fantasy XVI and just love it for what it is, you’ll have a great time with this game.

    The battle system in particular I found to be tons of fun. While it lacked the depth of other action RPG’s like Elden Ring, it was flashy enough and fun enough that I didn’t care. There’s something so satisfying about flying around and unleashing Eikon powers that just never gets old. Despite having more simplified RPG mechanics, there is still plenty of game here. Overall, Final Fantasy XVI took me well over 50 hours to complete from start to finish.

    Overall, I think Final Fantasy XVI is a great game that gets occasionally bogged down by some annoyingly outdated game design decisions. As a longtime fan of Final Fantasy, I felt like it was a worthy follow-up to the series and ultimately incredible in its own right in many ways.

  • Stop Everything

    Stop Everything

    People typically think that junior-enlisted Marines have no power over the world around them. This simply isn’t true. If a junior-enlisted Marine wants to stop everything, everywhere, all at once, all they have to do is lose a piece of serialized gear.

    There is nothing more heart-stopping, butt-puckering, and brow-sweatingly panic-inducing as losing a piece of serialized gear. The world stops for nothing… Except for this.

    Serialized gear is anything that has been issued to you by the armory, essentially. Any weapon, equipment, or gear that you don’t get to keep in your barracks room is considered “serialized.”

    (This is different than your typical CIF loadout that includes your pack and sleeping system, et all)

    While the military might have the highest budget of any singular entity on earth, you’d better believe if you lose a $1200 piece of gear that your ass is going to pay for it.

    Don’t be the one.

    Also, please support TL on Patreon! Help us so we don’t have to start shilling energy drinks and protein powders.

  • Smellgood

    Smellgood

    They say that scent is the sense that is closest linked to memory. One whiff of something from a past life can send you on a journey of pungent nostalgia. Well, at least, I saw this in an Axe Bodyspray commercial once.

    For me, I can’t get a sniff of Purell Hand Sanitizer without having flashbacks to my time at the San Diego Recruit Depot. It’s one of the many smells that make up the pungent funk of Marine Corps recruits en masse. Anyone who’s been in a Marine Corps squad bay knows the smell of 60-plus barely-bathed recruits is one that is not easily forgotten.

    Drill Instructors are surely a hardy breed to be able to put up with such foul wretches for as long as they do.

    We should be thankful.

  • Do It For Her

    Do It For Her

    All of us who join the military fight for a reason. For some, it’s the love their country. For others, it’s for the love of their family. For other others, it’s for the love of big-tiddy anime cat girls.

    Whatever reason you have to fight, let it be a guiding light in your darkest moments.

    For your pleasure, I’ve included a blank version to do with as you will. Fill it with whatever inspires you to keep fighting, warrior.

  • Wagner Loves the Coup

    Wagner Loves the Coup

    Over the weekend, Russia’s “Wagner” group (a private mercenary group) staged an attempted coup against Moscow, threatening to overthrow Putin. Well, they did for about half a day, and then decided to turn around and just kind of go home.

    Supposedly, the leader of the group reached some kind of deal with Putin, or otherwise had his family threatened, or who actually knows. Either way, it was a short-lived excitement across social media.

    Wagner, however, will live on in porta-shitters across the Corps for all of eternity.

  • How Nicknames Are Born II

    How Nicknames Are Born II

    Every Marine in the Corps is prescribed a “knick-name,” willingly or not, by the members of their cohort. Some are better than others, but one thing is certain: almost no one gets to pick their own nickname. What sticks is what sticks, and there are few exceptions to the rule.

    Generally, your nickname will be derived by some kind of uncontrollable character trait of yours. As long as it’s easier to remember than your real name, the nickname will stick.

    If you’re like me, you’ll luck out and have a last name that’s too difficult to pronounce, so people will just call you by your real first name. My first name is only 3 letters long (Max), which is perfect for the reading comprehension level of a standard Marine Corps infantryman.

    Lucky me.

    If you’re a Terminal Lance aficionado, you probably noticed that today’s comic is a throwback to Terminal Lance #1. Can you believe we’ve been at this for 13 years?

    Where as the time gone?