The Lance Corporal Underground

December 12, 2016

My buddy at headquarters told me they’re gonna make “Senior Lance Corporal” an actual rank. It’ll be like Specialist in the Army, but not retarded.

I heard Trump wants to limit the military to only gay and lesbians to cut down on the cost of dependents.

I heard Alvarez got busted down so many times they sent him back to boot camp.

My buddy at battalion said our unit is on standby to be deployed to Iraq any day now…

There’s this wook over at supply that will hook you up if you hook her up… With women. She’s lesbian as fuck.

I heard the POG barracks have an ice cream machine and live concerts on Thursdays.

My cousin in boot camp told me they’re handing out stress cards now, and they’re not gonna do the reaper anymore.

There’s a stripper out in town that’s married to 17 different Marines in the battalion. At the same time.

A friend of mine in DC told me General Mattis is going to start doing free Panda Express Monday in the chow hall after he takes office.

No one has seen Thompson for 3 weeks, but we keep signing his name on the roster because we don’t want to get in trouble.