Sit down. Your mom and I have talked about it, and we’ve decided that it’s time for you to learn about where safety briefs come from.
You see, when a Marine and a bad idea love each other very much, sometimes they… share a special hug. Sometimes this special hug results in chaos and things catching on fire, or maybe someone ends up dead or pregnant. Either way, this is the start of a new safety brief. It’s beautiful and magical, as some POG scrapes together a PowerPoint full of misspelled words and clip art at the last minute for an angry Lieutenant Colonel.
Have you ever noticed that whenever a Marine fucks up, it’s never his fault? There’s a total lack of self awareness when it comes to guys who continually fuck up, which is probably why they continually fuck up. I remember being recalled on a Saturday morning for an impromptu formation at the behest of our platoon sergeant, because someone got into a fight at a bar the night prior.
Said Marine arrives to formation, still hungover, looks around and says aloud, “Oh this is bullshit, I’m not standing around waiting for Staff Sergeant for this.”
He was the sole reason the entire platoon was there, in civies, waiting on Staff Sergeant.
We all wanted to punch him.
Some people just can’t help it. Some people are just that guy.