Terminal Lance #333 “Oh Baby”

July 11, 2014

Is there anything more ubiquitously military than baby wipes? A Marine Corps PX is probably the only place in the world you’ll see legions of 18-24 year old males buying aisles of baby wipes with literally no intention of using them on a baby. Baby wipes serve many practical applications for Marines. They make a great alternative to bathing while you’re stuck in the field; they do a wonderful job of cleaning the carbon out of your rifle’s chamber; and you can use them to comfortably wipe your ass (not a baby’s) in a port-a-shitter.

Really, the only thing Marines don’t use them for is cleaning babies.

If you’re ever sending a care package to Marines overseas, a safe bet to always include in the package is baby wipes. There’s a million ways and reasons to use them, it can never go wrong (as long as the package also has cookies, porn, and a Nintendo 3DS with Mario Kart).

In honor of this being strip #333, I want to give a shout out to my old battalion, 3rd Battalion 3rd Marines. “America’s Battalion” is where I grew up and where I owe all of my crazy experiences in garrison and both of my Iraq deployments. Hawaii was one of the best places I’ve ever had the luxury of living, and I really miss it daily. Who knows, maybe when my balls hang to my knees I’ll find myself retiring in a beach house in Lanikai.

Aloha, Hawaii Marines, soak it up while you’re there because it really doesn’t get any better than that.