Terminal Lance “The Metal Donkey”
July 15, 2014
Yesterday I happened across the BBC story regarding “Cujo,” the robotic mule being tested with Marines in Hawaii. The project reportedly cost about $2 million to develop the mule that can carry up to 400 lbs. I mean, it’s actually really fucking rad, as it’s own thing, because it’s a robot and robots are rad as fuck. But I mean… sure, a real donkey probably can’t carry 400 lbs, but it could probably carry about 200. You buy two donkeys at like $100 each or whatever donkeys go for, and you use them to carry your shit.
I mean, sure, I might be biased because the donkey happens to be my spirit animal or something, but I’m just trying to figure this out.
The only logical conclusion I can come to is that the robot donkey is part of a larger cyborg alien invasion taking place. A race of advanced sentient super computers are slowly trying to assimilate us into their systems and turn us into living batteries for fuel ala The Matrix. It’s the only logical explanation, other than someone just saying they wanted to build a cybernetic donkey because it’s rad (it’s really rad). Since the military certainly wouldn’t invest a large amount of time or money into something just because it’s rad as shit, you can rest assured that this is our future:
I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords. I just have one question…
Does it come in white?
Here’s a video: