Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance #323 “Tan Belt Ninja II”

May 20, 2014

This week on ‘Shit That’s Never Happened’

MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program) is always an interesting thing to talk about. As soon as MCMAP training starts, everyone around you becomes an MMA fighter and a third degree black belt in Jujitsu that can tell you exactly what is wrong with the program and how it stacks up against other forms of martial arts. Myself being a mere plebeian with no former martial arts training, I never really cared either way for it. I’m not much of a fighter anyway. I’m tall and lanky, my ass would usually get handed to me in ground fighting against the plethoric amounts of short, stocky people in the Corps with a lower center of gravity than myself.

The eye gouge is a move I always found particularly amusing. It’s one of the first things you learn as a Tan Belt, and easily the stupidest-looking thing in the entire program. There’s never really any practical background given with it, it’s just “Eye Gouge!” and then you weakly swipe your fingers forward in a punching motion. I was never really sure what this was supposed to accomplish. If you’re in a situation where you need to gouge someone’s eye out, this probably wouldn’t be my go-to method.

(Skip to :50 for the intense eye gouge)

This is why it’s important to always carry an MRE spoon with you. You never know when you might need to scoop someone’s eye out with that brown little shiv included in each meal.

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