Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance “Rot in Hell, Fred Phelps”

March 21, 2014

No homo.

I’m sure all of you have heard by now that the founder of the despicable Westboro Baptist Church died yesterday. I like to think that when the news broke, thousands of Ewoks on an Endor moon danced in celebration.

I’ve read (already) multiple blogs and articles suggesting that the best way to say fuck you to the late, old, stupid fuck is to do absolutely nothing. By picketing his funeral (of which there won’t be) or otherwise celebrating his death is to stoop to his level. On one hand I agree with this sentiment, as we should always be above vengeance at a basic level. However, in this specific case, I also don’t give two shits about stooping to his level either way. An eye for an eye might make the whole world blind, but Daredevil was blind and he was a super hero.

Okay that’s bad advice, but really, if someone wants to take a massive dump on his grave while hosting the utmost homoerotic group sex all up and down his rotten plot, I wouldn’t shake my head in disgust, I would have a good, hardy laugh. This is the same guy responsible for hosting picket parties at the funerals of fallen Marines and soldiers. People could dig up his old, limp corpse and skull-fuck his rotting face and I really wouldn’t care. Call me petty, but the world is a better place without people like him, and I think its no coincidence he happened to die on “International Happiness Day.”

In other news, General Mattis knife-handed me on Wednesday and it was awesome.

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He was speaking at UC Berkeley on Wednesday and Thursday this week. Unfortunately I missed the second lecture, but one of my favorite quotes from Wednesday night was this, which I shall leave you with:

“I was a very average Marine, I just happened to be at the right place at the right time, repeatedly.”