Terminal Lance “Shamrock Sloshed”
March 18, 2014
This really isn’t meant to come off as some kind of A&E special on alcoholism, I just thought my first idea of “it was Saint Patrick’s Day?” was way too easy of a punchline to end on. As well, I like to end all of my jokes about alcohol in glorious laughter.
It’s not a secret that Marines love to drink. There’s nothing inherently wrong with drinking on its own accord, as it is true that the best stories usually don’t begin with “so I was super sober last night when…” Seeing as yesterday was actually Saint Patrick’s Day, I imagine a lot of you fine gentlemen (and ladies) are probably reading this hung over (and without pants–
at least that’s how I like to imagine my female readers reading my comic–please send photos of yourselves reading Terminal Lance without pants on to email@example.com). I, too, enjoy a rousing round of alcoholic beverage or two, responsibly of course. With that said, alcoholism is a very real issue in the Marine Corps (and the rest of the military) and probably shouldn’t be taken lightly. As someone who has struggled with my own issues in varying forms, I would highly recommend seeking help if you feel like you need it, even in a most modest sense. DUI’s and the like are easy jokes to make, but for too many Marines the reality is anything but funny.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with consuming alcohol responsibly. I plan on enjoying a cold Lagunitas IPA as soon as I finish writing this article… But demons are demons, and they have a way of getting the best of us even at our strongest.
In any case, I hope you had a good time, drunk or not. I plan on spending the rest of my day huddled in front of my TV. You see, yesterday might have been a national holiday, but today is a Max holiday. It only comes around every few years, but when it does, there’s little that can stop me from celebrating.
I’m talking about the release of Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, of course.
I’ll admit, spending my day playing a video game doesn’t exactly make me look like a badass; but Metal Gear Solid isn’t just a video game and you shut the fuck up when we’re talking about Metal Gear Solid.