It is a kind gesture, but an empty one. Everyone knows that you never actually call First Sergeant when the need arises. After all, that’s what the chain of command is for. When you’re out in town and you accidentally kill a hooker, this is generally the order of people you should call:
- Your roommate
- Your team members
- Your team leader
- Your squad leader/section leader
- Your Gunny
- Your platoon sergeant
- Your best friend back home
- Your siblings
- Your grand parents
- Your mom or dad
- Friend you only really talk to on Facebook anymore
- Your wife
- First Sergeant
You’ll notice that Gunny is on there pretty early. That’s because Gunny can make shit disappear. If anything, he’s the first person you should call. I don’t know what it is about Gunnies, but they all have a somewhat supernatural ability to make shit happen, and are generally cool with keeping things under the rug. Something happens to them when they get that little diamond on their chest though. The magic is lost, all they care about at that point are cutting scores and haircuts.
I’m sure every one of you has your First Sergeant’s number in your phone. He usually gives it to you in one of your earliest formations, proclaiming that if ever you are in trouble, he’ll come pick you up himself. He’s half-lying. He’ll come pick you up, but he’ll take you straight to Battalion for a Ninja Punch so hard you’ll be passing shurikens through your urethra like kidney stones.
It’s Friday, so I should give you my liberty brief:
If it looks like shit, smells like shit, don’t marry it for the BAH. Also, feel free to call me if you ever get into trouble. I’ll come pick you up myself.
Oh, on a side note, the Commandant is doing a live town hall meeting like… right now. Go here.
Please note, I’m putting this up because I think it’s a good opportunity for Marines to air their concerns and questions, since there is so much criticism of the Commandant at this point. Take advantage of it! I don’t think any command has ever actually done this.