Hopefully all of you were able to enjoy your April Fools’ Day (apostrophe after the s) in relative peace. Abe, not so much, the Green Weenie pulled his card for duty on this fine Monday.
I’m sure some of you saw my Facebook update about being offered a job with PAO and promoted to Staff Sergeant with a $400,000 signing bonus. Okay, it’s pretty far-fetched–which is why it’s so much fun for me to tell you that it’s totally true.
Okay not really.
I’m joking, of course. Who would want to be PAO anyway? I, much like Abe, don’t really have a suitable price for re-enlistment. Not that anyone has offered, but there’s just some things money can’t buy. Well, okay, maybe if they offered me like $17 million and I got to put my hand on Scarlett Johansson’s boob for like longer than 12 seconds–I might accept.