Terminal Lance #166 “Amenities”
December 6, 2011
To be honest, this strip started out on the basis of “bag-fries”–which came to me the other night when I was eating at Five Guys. In any case, there’s something inherently shameful about eating fast food in a “combat zone”. Through phone calls and other correspondance, you try desperately to maintain the rugged image of your combat experience to your friends and family back home. However, the modern warzone is no longer Phantom Fury–it’s large, sprawling bases with as many call centers and gyms as there are Green Beans and KFC’s. Our decade of war experience has brought to us the ability to erect the most unnecessary of amenities across our larger bases.
I recall (quite fondly) the Pizza Hut of al Asad in Iraq. It was a small, clean trailer in a centralized “food court” location on the base. They served not only pizza, but Wing Street buffalo wings as well as a variety of cheesy breads and sauces. Across from it lay the Cinnabon and Burger King trailers, and to its flank was the KFC–home of the highest ranking Colonel in-country: Colonel Sanders.
I never went to Afghanistan, but I hear great things about the TGI Fridays at Kandahar.
In other news, our Movember MAX-Stache contest winner was Staff Sergeant Jay Mullen, by a narrow margin.
I know, I was shocked you all voted for a Staff NCO as well. But just think, if anyone ever tells you to shave, just point to this guy’s unruly moostache hairs and say, “BUT STAFF SERGEANT DOESN’T”.
SSgt Mullen won himself an autographed copy of “KNIFE-HANDS!!!” as well as a custom T-shirt, which I will reveal soon.
Speaking of mustaches, I posted a photo of mine on my tumblr. Feel free to scroll through and take a gander at it. I looked like a total douchehammer, so I was happy to shave it. Strangely, ever since I shaved it I’ve been shaving daily for the first time since I got out of the Marines. For the time being, I am very much over having facial hair.
Until next time, gumshoes.