Terminal Lance #160 “Working (it) at the Car Wash”

If there’s one thing every Marine hates about ball season, it’s all of the car washes and ball fundraisers that seem to have no affect on anything. No matter how you slice it, you’re still going to end up paying upwards of $50 for your meal at the annual birthday ball, double that if you bring a date, obviously.

This wouldn’t be so bad if the ball wasn’t mandatory–but as with all things that could potentially be fun, the Marine Corps has a way of making it a dreadfully overpriced experience where your best bets are either to get shit-faced drunk or leave early. If you’re like me, your company gunny will take care of the first part himself.

That isn’t to say that all birthday balls are bad, there is some inherent fun with the experience, as there always is when there’s a room full of Marines, alcohol and mixed ranks. Regardless, for the average single Lance Corporal, it’s nothing that couldn’t be better experienced in civilian attire in the seedy depths of the barracks on a Friday night.

Really though, balls are only fun for one group: the wives and dates. Once a year they get to buy a dress, get their hair done, make themselves up and attend a prom-like ball surrounded by hundreds of well-dressed men. For the Marines though, a ball is just another night in another uniform (albeit a snazzy one).

As for the Chaplain–don’t take it the wrong way; I’ve never met a Chaplain I didn’t like. In fact, the last Chaplain I was acquainted with was a great guy by any standard. For comedy’s sake though, for some reason there’s just something inherently strange about a lot of Chaplains in that kind of creepy neighbor way.

Anyway, we all know that Thursday is the Marine Corps’ 236th birthday. Happy Birthday Marines. I’m sure many of you have already had your ball celebrations, but I figured I’d do a kind of birthday-themed comic today. Don’t forget, Veteran’s Day is this Friday. If you’re like me, you’ll get together with some other like-minded veterans and hit up the free restaurant meals! Apparently it’s become the cool thing to feed veterans on this day, and I’m not complaining. Applebee’s and Chili’s are prime spots to go, don’t miss out!