Terminal Lance #147 “Keeping the Myth Alive”

September 9, 2011

It is perhaps a possibility that I am one of few–and your views do not pertain as such–but when I think of my time in the Marine Corps, the cool stuff that we do doesn’t usually pop up. At least not at first. No, before all of the recruit-bait moto-stuff most civilians think of when they hear “Marine”, I tend to think of abstract small things like the hours I’ve spent cleaning floors, jerking off in port-a-shitters, cleaning a rifle, barracks parties (which are every night), hazing, bullshit, the way cammies kind of chafe my inner-thighs, yelling and anything else that was part of my every day life.

The great secret of the Marine Corps is that we only do the cool stuff about 10% of the time. The other 90% is spent doing everything mentioned above, plus confusion and anger at every corner. I shot over twenty SMAW rockets in my four years, trained for weeks at a time in the field and spent sleepless nights and sizzling days hunched over an M2 .50 cal atop an MRAP, but I don’t usually think about it.

The Marine Corps–actually living the Marine Corps–isn’t about the cool stuff. It’s about the little things, the 90% of the time things that are often funny and immensely miserable at the same time.

At the same time though, it’s very important that we don’t reveal to our civilian brethren what really goes on in the Corps. Otherwise, those care packages would come a lot less often.

In other news, I just finished my first week of the Fall semester today. A pretty great assortment of classes this time around, three of which are in the Animation department. One of those is my Adobe Flash class, which I look forward to exploiting in the effort to entertain you.

I also want to point out that over 11,000 people have seen my fake balls.

While I’m sure my mother is proud, I’m betting she’d be more excited if you shared the video on your Facebook wall and spread the word by way of the Lance Corporal Underground…

If for some reason you’ve been drunk or high for the last two weeks, “KNIFE-HANDS” is currently available for purchase here. Although it’s not 100% set in stone yet, it’s looking good for book signings near the end of this month at various California locales. Stay tuned for more details when they become available.

Lastly, I just want to mention again that I love getting emails and I read all of them! I don’t always respond, it’s nothing personal, I just have the attention-span of a Rhodesian Ridgeback / Labrador mix. If you’ve got some funny story or anything you absolutely must tell me, feel free to hit the “Contact” tab at the top of the screen.

Not at all.