Author: Maximilian

  • The Story of Creation II

    The Story of Creation II

    In the beginning, God created the Recruit. He was wretched, diseased and malformed. Cursed to a life of misery aboard the Marine Corps Recruit Depots of San Diego and Parris Island. Part of their torture was being given the opportunity to gaze upon the glory of the soft-serve ice cream machines endemic to every chow hall…but they were forbidden from touching it.

    For real though, why is this thing even there? The Marines eat in a separate area from the diseased recruits, so obviously they could remove it from the recruit side.

    My personal theory is that it is there just as the forbidden fruit was placed in the garden of Eden: temptation. The Drill Instructors want you to fail so that they have another reason to yell at you.

    Don’t be the one that listens to the snake. Avoid the ice cream.

  • Enlisted VS Officer: New Marines

    Enlisted VS Officer: New Marines

    As I’m sure you probably already know if you’re reading this, Marines come in two primary flavors: Enlisted and Officer. In many ways, they’re very similar. Both wear camouflage to work, both engage in Marine-like activities, and both are employed by the United States government.

    However, when it comes to new Marines, there’s a stark difference: one of these Marines (the Enlisted) is placed into a platoon with zero responsibilities and zero expectations. An Officer? They’re placed in charge of everyone.

    There’s nothing wrong with being new. We were all once a boot, after all. The difference is that no one expected me to lead 40+ Marines into battle when I stepped off the plane from the School of Infantry.

    With that said, you have the respect the audacity involved in wanting that level of responsibility fresh out of college. That 2.57 GPA English degree will surely turn the tide of the battles to come.

  • The All-Nighter

    The All-Nighter

    There’s no worse feeling than showing up to morning formation after a night of splendorous indulgence into the wee hours of the morning. For many Marines, that will probably involve binge-drinking, vomiting, other bodily fluids, and possibly farm animals.

    Other Marines enjoy different vices, such as staying up all night playing videogames while your roommate is trying to sleep.

    When I was a wee-boot at Mackie Hall, Kaneohe Bay, I recall buying an XBOX 360 and the latest Elder Scrolls game for my room. This made a great distraction while on standby or for some late nights with a locked door and curtains closed.

    However, it attracted some… Unwanted attention. One of my “senior” Lance Corporals discovered my electronic entertainment set up and decided that he was going to spend the next week playing Oblivion every night until it was time for morning PT. I’m not a selfish person, I don’t mind sharing my toys, but this shit got old really quick.

    It wasn’t until I stuffed the setup into my wall-locker and kept it secured that I was able to get a good night’s sleep.

    As far as Final Fantasy VII goes, the answer to who is Cloud’s true love has always been Tifa. I will not be accepting any questions on the matter.

  • The Chow Hall Days

    The Chow Hall Days

    Every day at the chow hall presents itself with a deliciously festive culinary theme for Marines to enjoy. “Taco Tuesday,” “Hamburger Hump-Day,” “Italian Friday” are just some of the themed days of the week that Marines can look forward to at their local dining facility.

    I’m particularly fond of “Empty Saturday Night” and “Broke-Ass Waiting for Payday Sunday Morning” on the weekends.

    Whatever the day, you can be assured that SODEXO’s finest are preparing nothing but the best prison-grade, government-approved food for your heroes in uniform to indulge and enjoy.

  • Not a Cell Phone in Sight

    Not a Cell Phone in Sight

    There was a time before cell phones when people were more present in their daily lives. Instead of staring down at their electronic devices, they were in the moment. Living.

    You can have this same nostalgic experience in the Marine Corps infantry, where you’re stuck in the field for days and weeks at a time, without a cell phone in sight. Smell the fresh air. The crisp rain. The misery.

    In all seriousness, there is something about the shared squalor amongst Marines that brings you all closer. Surviving together with nothing more than each other to entertain yourselves.

    This is what makes Marines.

    A few admin notes:

    You may have noticed I’ve been somewhat absent from my duties as Lance Corporal of the Marine Corps. This is, without a doubt, the longest stretch I’ve ever gone without posting regularly in 14 years of doing Terminal Lance.

    I have been recalibrating a lot. I have a young toddler and I’m also in a full time graduate program right now (using that GI Bill), so I have a lot on my plate. With that said, my work on TL has always been important to me and, prior to now, I’ve always put it first above all else. That is how I took TL to the heights it has reached over the years. Nonstop hustle.

    I’ve done a lot over the years and I have TL and the amazing community that has supported me to thank. It’s rare to create anything that so many people across the world love and appreciate, and I don’t take it for granted.

    Over the last few years I had a few professional setbacks that really did a number on me emotionally–combined with being a new dad, taking care of a baby, COVID, and everything else, it just really sent everything up in the air. I had to really take some steps back and evaluate whether my relationship to Terminal Lance was healthy.

    In any case, this isn’t a farewell post, just musing about the state of things. I’m trying some new stuff, like this animation here, and it gets me excited about new possibilities and frontiers.

    Consider supporting TL on Patreon by joining the Lance Corporal Underground. Terminal Lance has been independently owned and operated since day one in 2010, and your support will keep it that way. Check it out here!

  • The Temptress

    The Temptress

    The Career Planner in any battalion has one job: keep Marines enlisted. Usually, as your EAS date looms, you are likely to be approached by these institutional agents to talk over options for re-enlisting (should you be considering it). They can authorize bonuses and negotiate incentives for you to stay onboard.

    Maybe you want a new duty station? A new MOS? Perhaps a few extra bucks will be enough to grease the palms into sticking around (or returning). For some, there is no price for the sweet sound of freedom.

    Whatever you choose, just remember that the GI Bill is an incredible benefit and allows you a second wind to do literally whatever you want with your life.

  • The Spirit of Christmas

    The Spirit of Christmas

    The Ghost of Chesty Puller comes to us Marines in our most trying times. We never know when he will pop up to give us clarity and insight into our lives, but we’re happy that he does.

    Merry Christmas, Marines.

  • The Peanut Butter Shot

    The Peanut Butter Shot

    There are few experiences as universally despised and ubiquitous to Marine Corps bootcamp as the dreaded “peanut butter shot.” This penicillin cocktail is the bane of new recruits across San Diego and Parris Island for its thick consistency and 12-gauge needle that gets administered directly into the buttocks.

    I’m not a doctor, so I can’t tell you why a penicillin shot needs to be thick as Skippy (with nuts), but I can tell you it sucks to be on the receiving end of it. The worst part? They make you butt-roll on the ground immediately after to squish it deeper into your muscle tissue.

    Those with the red dog tags got lucky with this one.

    On a personal note, I just want to mention that I recognize that I’ve been absent a lot lately. Those of you that don’t know, I am now utilizing my GI Bill to do a graduate program at UCLA, and we just finished finals. Hand-painting animation cels is not as fun as it sounds, let me tell you.

    It’s been a tough balance this time though, especially now that I’m a father as well. I have a lot more thoughts on it, but I will leave it for now…

  • ASVAB Aptitude

    ASVAB Aptitude

    Last year, the military at large missed its recruiting goals by a large margin. In 2022, the Army was down 25% of its goal, with the Navy and Air Force also missing their marks.

    It seems Gen-Z is either unqualified or simply uninterested in enlisting. One could speculate on the variety of reasons for why the kids aren’t taking to the idea of handing their freedom, life, and soul over to Uncle Sam for 4 years.

    Perhaps they aren’t as patriotic, given the absolute mess of a government we’ve had for the last decade. Perhaps they simply just value their downtime to focus on their existential dread at a collapsing post-modern world where nothing seems to matter anymore. I can respect that.

    Either way, something needs to be done. The ASVAB may not be the biggest barrier to entry, but at least maybe now you can order the kids mac & cheese along with your MEPS duck-walk and butthole inspection.

    Oddly, the Marine Corps and the Space Force were the only branches that met their recruiting goals in recent years.

    To me, this signals the niche-ification of the military. The people that want to enlist are going for the hardest ones, without giving much thought to the larger, easier-to-get-into Army or Navy. These are people that have done the research and want whatever the military can give them that they can’t get at home. Perhaps the future of the military is smaller, leaner, smarter, and more specialized.

    With the way things are going in the world [war 3], let’s hope it’s enough.

  • Veterans Day Presentation

    Veterans Day Presentation

    Those old OIF moto-videos really hit different. If you were in the Corps around that time, you were surely shown a variety of different motivational videos from Iraq to such great hits as “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” and Seether’s “Out of My Way,” at the School of Infantry (and maybe even boot camp).

    This comic is based on a true story… Well, partly. No, I didn’t show the kids any of these old LiveLeak classics, but my toddler goes to daycare and his teachers did ask me to come in for Veterans Day and talk to the pre-schoolers about my service.

    My favorite part was showing them a photo of some Iraqi children I took along the Syrian border back in 2009.

    “They’re at the beach!” they shouted out, seeing the surrounding sand.

    Not quite.

    This Veterans Day has been more melancholy than usual for me. For what it’s worth, I always felt like I did a good job of separating my personal life from my “work,” (which, because of Terminal Lance, happens to be very closely tied to my military service).

    As I was going through the photos from Iraq that I was going to show the class, I became overwhelmed with emotions that I think I had been avoiding for many years. It was a strange time in a strange land… We were all so young.

    Maybe I never actually found what I was looking for.