Author: Maximilian

This could possibly be the most realistic game ever created. Okay, not really.

If anyone’s curious, Modern Warfare 3 uses Army ranks in the game, hence the reason there’s only three rockers on the SGTMAJ chevron.

I’ve always thought it would be strangely appropriate to make a military game that isn’t actually combat-related. Of course, when people think of the military they think of combat and action, but how often does any of that actually happen? Even for the infantry, not that much. Regardless, videogames can never truly capture the nature of being in a war, or even just the military, for the simple fact that they only focus on battles and combat. However, the Marine Corps experience isn’t necessarily about bullets and yelling, but rather about everything in between. No game will ever relate to you how uncomfortable your PPE is, how your eye-pro fogs up in the right weather, the weight of your rifle that you must carry with you everywhere–even when you’re not on the battlefield. Games don’t show the little things that make being in the military what it is, they only show what people want to see.

As a result, most military-centric games are reduced to a somewhat disjointed series of combat experiences and elaborate action sequences; and usually you’re not playing as the average 0311 Lance Coolie with sweaty balls, a drinking problem and a knocked up wife–but rather a Navy SEAL or SAS member on some covert action… you know, cause that’s what we do right?

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that I’ve recently acquired Modern Warfare 3. I haven’t finished the single player campaign and I haven’t had much time to play multiplayer, but I like it thus far. It is, really, another Call of Duty game. Lavishly high-budget action with high production values and a fast-paced, close-quarters multiplayer element is the series’ bread and butter–and this one is no different. Needless to say, if you like Call of Duty, you’ll probably like this game, as nothing has really changed. There’s a couple new additions to multiplayer, but nothing that’s going to re-define the genre.

Unless you’ve been living under a HESCO barrier for the last 6 months, you’re probably well aware that Mila Kunis will indeed be attending the Marine Corps Ball this weekend. Much to the command’s dismay, I’m sure, as I can only imagine the libo-brief will go something like this for the entire week. In my strange, twisted head, I imagine that the Lance Corporals will have no problem leaving the lovely actress alone, but rather the Staff NCO’s and Officers will use their rank to get in a couple words with her.

Of course, this is but one of many strange and confusing things that goes on in my head.

I’m sure you’re all aware by now that Justin Timberlake attended a ball this Saturday with Cpl. Kelsey De Santis. I’m happy everything went as well as it did, and I’m glad that he had a great time. Then again, there’s no grunts in Richmond, so clearly there was nobody to get sloshed and call him a pussy for selling out Mark Zuckerberg’s best friend. (Apparently this sentence upset people. I’m referring to the fact that there’s no infantry battalions in Richmond. I understand there were grunts with Instructor Battalion at the ball) He wrote a great blog post on the event, you can read it here. As out of proportion as the whole celebrity/YouTube thing got, I’m glad to see that a few of them were able to come out and experience a part of American culture otherwise kept largely in secret.

Oh yeah, and Linda Hamilton from Terminator attended the ball recently as well.

I’m sure nothing crazy will happen, but I am excited to read about how the ball with Mila Kunis goes.

I just want to throw it out there again that No-Shave November is in full effect. I feel disgusting but I refuse to shave until the month is over, even though my hispanic father has cursed me with an inability to grow a full beard, I have too much pride to shave. For details on the MAX-Stache contest, where you could win a free book and T-shirt, click here.

For years, smaller restaurant chains had offered free meals to veterans and active service members on Veteran’s Day. It wasn’t until recently, however, that the major chain restaurants started participating in this glorious celebration of all things military. If you’re back in the states and are looking for some free food tonight, please don’t be like Abe here, but check out this comprehensive list of places that are offering deals and meals for veterans today!

But of course, Veteran’s Day isn’t about free food or discounts at Home Depot; it’s about honoring all of those who have served in the US military, as well as those that paid the ultimate sacrifice for what they believe in. Take today with a grain of salt, even if you’re an OIF/OEF veteran, see if you can find a veteran of a war long past and shake his hand. As well, make the best of tonight and don’t feel bad about enjoying the free food–that’s what it’s there for.

For those of you overseas, I hope the DFAC’s have prepared something good for you–they always try to make the best of holidays over there.

God bless to all veterans, old and new.

Oh and don’t forget about the Movember MAX-Stache contest. The Marines with the best mustaches by the end of November can win a free autographed copy of KNIFE-HANDS as well as a custom-designed T-shirt.

Check out the details of the contest here.

If there’s one thing every Marine hates about ball season, it’s all of the car washes and ball fundraisers that seem to have no affect on anything. No matter how you slice it, you’re still going to end up paying upwards of $50 for your meal at the annual birthday ball, double that if you bring a date, obviously.

This wouldn’t be so bad if the ball wasn’t mandatory–but as with all things that could potentially be fun, the Marine Corps has a way of making it a dreadfully overpriced experience where your best bets are either to get shit-faced drunk or leave early. If you’re like me, your company gunny will take care of the first part himself.

That isn’t to say that all birthday balls are bad, there is some inherent fun with the experience, as there always is when there’s a room full of Marines, alcohol and mixed ranks. Regardless, for the average single Lance Corporal, it’s nothing that couldn’t be better experienced in civilian attire in the seedy depths of the barracks on a Friday night.

Really though, balls are only fun for one group: the wives and dates. Once a year they get to buy a dress, get their hair done, make themselves up and attend a prom-like ball surrounded by hundreds of well-dressed men. For the Marines though, a ball is just another night in another uniform (albeit a snazzy one).

As for the Chaplain–don’t take it the wrong way; I’ve never met a Chaplain I didn’t like. In fact, the last Chaplain I was acquainted with was a great guy by any standard. For comedy’s sake though, for some reason there’s just something inherently strange about a lot of Chaplains in that kind of creepy neighbor way.

Anyway, we all know that Thursday is the Marine Corps’ 236th birthday. Happy Birthday Marines. I’m sure many of you have already had your ball celebrations, but I figured I’d do a kind of birthday-themed comic today. Don’t forget, Veteran’s Day is this Friday. If you’re like me, you’ll get together with some other like-minded veterans and hit up the free restaurant meals! Apparently it’s become the cool thing to feed veterans on this day, and I’m not complaining. Applebee’s and Chili’s are prime spots to go, don’t miss out!

I’m not sure what it is, I just feel like there’s always something to say about the ridiculosity (I made that word up) of marriage in the Marine Corps. For every responsible, level-headed Marine in a genuinely loving relationship that will last the tests of deployments and long hours, there’s about twenty douche-hammer Marines that get married with no concept of the idea.

For those of you unfamiliar with this check-list thing, when I was in every Marine that got married had to get a check-list that had to be signed by a variety of people looking to talk you out of it. From the Chaplain to First Sergeant, everyone that must sign your paper will give you a stern lecture on the seriousness of your decision–and for good reason. My marriage has lasted 5 years through two deployments, and I’m very grateful, but not everyone marries for the right reasons. My wife and I have been together since before I was enlisted–and granted, we married young–but as far as I know it was for the right reasons. So when I received my check-list, I was slightly insulted at the idea that I didn’t know what I was doing, but came to realize it was a necessity (albeit ultimately fruitless) of the command to at the very least try to talk you out of making a possible mistake.

Unfortunately, as is the story of the Marine Corps, stupid rules aren’t made for rational people–they’re made for the ones that need them.

In other news, if you missed my video on how I make the Terminal Lance comic strip from last week, check it out right here:

Update:

Check out this video I made of me drawing the strip!

There’s something dubious about the mandatory exam everyone goes through when they go to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station). You spend the entire day waiting, sleeping, doing strange things like duck-walking in your underwear with 20 other guys. Then, at the end of it all, you go to a small room with a lone doctor. Immediately you know it’s going to be awkward, but you suck it up and let him cup your balls, cough to the side and show him your asshole like a champ.

The rectal exam is always one of contention, mostly because of how strange it seems to anyone who hasn’t had an old man look at their butthole. It is something you hear about throughout the day, other potential recruits whisper to eachother about the “guy who looks at your ass”. Overall, though, it’s extremely painless. Undoubtedly, most doctors don’t actually get off on staring at assholes all day, so they make it as quick as possible, taking just a quick glance in reality.

The whole MEPS process is unique and strange. Your recruiter drives you to a small, windowless building with men and women in uniform manning the desks. They give you a bar-code sticker to wear on your chest proudly as you meander the waiting and exam rooms for hours at a time. For what is actually about an hour of real exams, you’ll spend upward of 10 hours at MEPS during your entrance process.

It’s a strangely telling introduction to what you’ll be in for for the next four years, but no one seems to get the hint.

Happy Halloween!

I don’t really have anything interesting to say about this strip other than the fact that this is what most Lance Corporals are truly afraid of. I had a couple of ideas regarding what he should’ve been, but this seemed to make the most sense.

Also, I really hope people get the reference I’m making with Garcia’s Halloween outfit.

If you see anything awesome this weekend, feel free to send it my way or post it on the Terminal Lance Facebook fan page, everyone loves to see these things. Otherwise, have a great weekend and don’t be afraid to dress up if you’re stateside. I know Halloween isn’t until Monday, but obviously all the parties are going to be this weekend. If you’re in Afghanistan right now, do something fun anyway. I spent a Halloween in Iraq, I know it can be lame, but as always you just gotta make the best of it and try to have some fun.

The military is one of those things you join with a purpose. I don’t believe I could possibly know or understand every reason people embark on such a life-altering event, but I know one thing: I joined to go to war. In 2006, the war was in full swing and I wanted a part of it. It goes without saying, then, that I have no idea what the Marine Corps is like in peacetime. In my head, it’s something like Heartbreak Ridge meets everything I actually know about garrison Marine Corps.

That is to say: I imagine it’s a place full of bullshit and bad acting.

I suppose this topic came into my head with the way things are somewhat dwindling down in the world. President Obama has officially declared the end to the Iraq war, Gaddafi has been killed and Afghanistan will certainly be spiraling down soon enough. Once the wars are over, though, what are Marines to do?

My enlistment was always about the next thing. When I was in bootcamp, the next thing was SOI so we could learn how to survive in Iraq (yeah right). When I was at SOI, the next thing was going to the fleet so I could join a battalion going to Iraq. When I hit the fleet, the next thing was training to go to Iraq. Once we were in Iraq… well… we started thinking about what we were going to do next. Everything we did revolved around Iraq and the looming possibility we would be sent to Afghanistan. Either way, we trained, we went, we came back, we did it again. War was always the elephant in the room–it brought purpose to our activities and gave us a common enemy. Without it, I don’t know what my enlistment would’ve been like.

From what I hear, peacetime Marine Corps is a shitty time for those that have been in long enough to have done it, and it’s something I’m glad I missed out on.

In other news, have you got yourself a copy of “KNIFE-HANDS!!!” yet? If not, click the link at the top of the page to purchase it! The holidays are coming up, I can only imagine this would be the best present one could ever wish to receive… well, anyone worth buying a present for at least.

Precursor to what, you ask? Check the Marine Corps Times paper this coming week to see the second part of this strip!

If you keep up with the Corps you probably already know that rolling your sleeves is soon going away. This is a blessing in many ways, as rolling your sleeves is a tedious and time-consuming activity almost always done forgetfully at the last minute before formation. This may be a shock, but I actually like having rolled sleeves. Perhaps it’s just from being in Hawaii, where it’s 80-90F year-round and 99% humidity, or perhaps it’s a fashion thing, but I rolled fucking immaculate sleeves and had no problem with it. I was one of few grunts though, most can’t be bothered with such menial activities, but I liked to look good–not for any larger cause of “representing the Marine Corps”, but because I just like to.

In any case, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: enforcing cammie-regulations Marine Corps-wide is just silly. There are multiple bases in multiple climates, it should be up to the base and unit commanders what the uniform of the day is and how it’s worn. It used to be that way, but about halfway during my enlistment the Corps changed this policy to what is currently in place. This is fine if you’re in the same climate the decisions are made in, but if you’re not–and most of the Marine Corps isn’t–it becomes a major inconvenience.

Hawaii is hot. It is a tropical environment. It stays hot year-round. Green cammies have black on them–you see where I’m going with this?

In other news, midterms are biting me in the ass. I think I got about 10 hours of sleep this whole week, if it weren’t for the fact I’m surrounded by hipsters and hippies that don’t shower every day, I would consider it akin to being enlisted.

I’d like to do a little drawing tutorial or example on my tumblr page sometime soon, I’ve recently kind of re-evaluated how I draw and I think those of you interested in art could find it useful! Stay tuned to my Twitter page for updates, which you can see at the bottom of this page.

With that said, have a great weekend!