Terminal Lance #528 “Core Temperature II”
August 21, 2018
Like most normal humans, I have had a fever before. Again, like most normal humans, I have used a thermometer to take my temperature. However, never in my life have I thought to myself, “…what if I put this thermometer in my ass instead of my mouth?”
The United States Navy has convinced you all through complex information operations campaigns that sticking a thermometer in your asshole is a medical necessity. Did you know there are very common thermometers that take temperature based on your ear? Is there a reason Doc can’t carry one of those in his med bag? I mean, let’s be realistic here, the symptoms of heat stroke are fairly obvious.
When it’s 104 degrees outside and you’re running for 2 hours because Staff Sergeant is a depressed alcoholic, we can safely assume that a Marine passed out on the ground is probably a heat casualty. Like, anyone can tell this just by looking at him, and a simple ear thermometer would be able to confirm this fairly easily as well.
It’s a trick. It’s a dirty, dirty trick designed to keep the fear of Doc in you, should you fall out of the hump. The ubiquitous silver bullet awaits those who fail the test of fortitude.
Don’t be the one.
…Unless you’re into that sort of thing.