Terminal Lance “Gunny-Timed” (Marine Corps Times)
September 22, 2015
If you’re not 15 minutes prior to the 15 minutes prior, you’re wrong.
Time in the Marine Corps doesn’t exist as it does in the regular world. Einstein and Stephen Hawking would be dumbfounded at the mental gymnastics required to extrapolate the chronological mind-fucking that takes place every day across the Corps. The fabric of time is less “fabric” and more like a few fucked up strings that kind of don’t weave in any particular order or reason.
Infamously, being Gunny-Timed is when you’re told to be somewhere, but it doesn’t actually mean what you think it means. If Gunny tells you to be there at 0800, you will be unforgivingly late if you show up anywhere in the vicinity of 0800. 15 minutes early isn’t just a courtesy, it’s a requirement. The common equation for figuring out when you have to be somewhere generally goes something like this:
T = (t-15)f
T = Time you actually have to be there.
t = Time you were told to be there.
f = Amount of fucking assholes the word gets passed through before it gets to you.
Have to be at the Armory at 0700? Well, it depends on who it came from, but there’s a good chance you’ll get a page 11 if you’re not there sitting on your pack by 0545. Why? I don’t know, I just know the equation.
You’d better have your weapons cards ready.
In other news, I apologize for the spotty updates lately, things will resume to normal in about a month. Until then, just bear with me and stay tuned! Don’t forget, brand new comic strips are published every week exclusively in the Marine Corps Times newspaper!