Terminal Lance #335 “Past Tense Dress”
July 22, 2014
It always boggles my mind to take a moment and think about the fact that easily the most uncomfortable uniform in existence used to be an actual combat uniform at some point in history. Well, not the exact same uniform, but kind of the same anyway. We all know how awful it is to do something as simple as buckle the collar of the Dress Blues (not to mention how badly it chokes you for doing so successfully). Can you even fathom not only having to live in this outfit every day, but actually fight (brutally) at war. I commend the Marines of old simply because I can’t go five minutes wearing a minimal amount of PPE without complaining about some thing or another–whether it’s my thighs chafing or simply the weight on my shoulders, it’s still not as bad as wearing a woolen blue surcoat on a 50 mile hump.
I’m not a particularly huge history buff, so don’t ask me to go into details on anything here, but I do wonder what the future holds for uniforms of the Marine Corps. At some point this shit has to come full circle and Marines will eventually be wearing digital camouflage as a dress outfit at their next Marine Corps Ball at the Fhloston Paradise Hotel with Ruby Rhod as their musical guest. They’ll wear it with annoyance and wonder why is it “digital” and what is the point of so many pockets we can’t use? (Because you know in 100 years you still won’t be able to put anything in the pockets of your dress uniform).
Most importantly though… how would it protect against the Moon Spiders?