This is a dick measuring contest.
I debated on whether or not to make this a POG/Infantry joke or turn it into a Marine Corps/Other Branches joke. I actually almost went the other way with it, but then I realized I wouldn’t have the opportunity to put the 1171 Waterdog on blast again if I did.
I want to be completely clear though: this strip is absolutely true. Joining the Marine Corps infantry will add 3 inches (minimum) to your penis. I mean it’s even been in the recruiting posters for quite a long time now. Don’t believe me? Ask any woman that lives within a three mile radius of an infantry Marine’s home town. They will confirm.
Want to know an easier way to add three inches to your penis without special creams or dangerous enlistments? Check out the new Terminal Lance Store! The store is officially back, selling not only new civvies to quench your thirst for the Lance Corporal in all of us, but we now carry OD Green SOFFE skivvy shirts! It’s the real stuff this time, so feel comfortable buying Terminal Lance gear on the shirts you know and love, just like you were issued.
Some people seem to be having trouble finding the Store, so I’ve created this handy guide. You can either click on the link above, or, check out the tabs at the top of the page (on a computer).
If you’re on a phone or using a smaller browser window, you’ll see a little collapsable menu button like this:
Tap it with those grotesque meat skewers you call thumbs and find the “STORE” tab:
Click on the tab to be taken to the fucking awesome new store!
For the first time, you’ll also be able to find Terminal Lance books on the store. I’m sure many of you saw the story about The White Donkey that the Marine Times put up this weekend, but unfortunately it is not available for purchase or preorder at this time. Now that we have this brand-spankin’ new store system in place, however, it’ll make everything a lot easier to manage. While you can’t purchase The White Donkey yet, you can purchase the KNIFE-HANDS compilation book as well as HEAD CALL for Kindle. No more Cafepress, which means we’ve got the freedom to do basically anything we want. I’m really excited and can’t wait to put all kinds of new stuff up here for you guys to grab.