Terminal Lance “Revenge of the Dependapotamus” Pg 9
December 27, 2013
May the Force of your Bullshit be with you, always.
One more page of Revenge of the Dependapotamus to go! The contest entries have been posted to the Facebook fan page, make sure you check it out and vote on your favorite by clicking “Like!” Someone named Antony Lopez also sent me a photo of their hairy asshole, which I did not include as an official entry, because it wasn’t within the rules. Sorry, hairy-asshole Antony, maybe next time I’ll do a competition where I ask for the absolute hairiest asshole in the world and you could win without contest.
I imagine taking a shit for you is like watching a Cirque Du Soleil acrobat fall into the net every time.
When I was writing this I was trying to figure out what the holiest of holies is for excuses in the Marine Corps. I’m sure there are other ones that would have fit the bill, but dental is always such a huge deal. The last part about the Battalion NJP for missing a dental appointment wasn’t a joke either, that was an actual policy for my Battalion.
Moral of the story? Don’t miss dental.
The other thing I was leaning toward was ‘I have an appointment with base housing’–or really–anything that has to do with your wife. Being married in the Marine Corps is a free pass out of a lot of shit, it’s no wonder so many Lance Corporals are tempted into such things, much like our friend Garcia here. While of course this whole website is one of humor and exaggeration, the tale of the Dependapotamus is grounded in reality. I won’t badger on about the flaws in the marriage system of the military, I’ve already done that many times, but proceed with caution when you propose to that girl you just met at Nashville’s last week.
I’ll be heading back to the bay area this weekend, it’s been a great week in Portland being able to meet up with my family and such. Someone email me a great place to eat between Portland and San Francisco so I can stop there and stuff my fat face.