Terminal Lance #195 “The Mr. E Mystery 4”
April 23, 2012
I think the company that makes MRE’s is a little confused as to what “organic” means.
In any case, I don’t think we’ll ever see the day of organic MRE’s. I don’t think it would be physically possible for something without any preservatives to last the 1-3 year shelf-life of the average MRE–most of which contain some form of “meat” in them. MRE’s are a strange animal, to be sure… well… more likely many strange animals ground up into a patty-shaped meat slab designed (theoretically) for human consumption.
The MRE (or “Mr. E” as I like to call him) takes the brunt of most of the food-related complaints you’ll find in the Corps. For as good as some of their efforts to imitate real food actually are, any slab of “chicken” or pineapple pound cake that can last 3 years on the shelf probably isn’t something you want to be putting into your body in any situation. Regardless, it’s impossible to avoid. I always tried to pack enough pogey-bait on field ops to supplement the wretched meals, ready-to-eat. But alas, beef jerky and energy-shots can only take you so far in the field.
If I had to pick a favorite, I’d go with the chili with beans MRE. It was new when I got out, and by far the best one I ever had. Heat it up, toss in the little Tabasco guy and you’ve got yourself a pretty decent meal–organs and all.
In other news, this weekend was fairly eventful. Well, specifically Saturday. I started Saturday bright and early (way too early for my civilian ass, frankly) at 0800 at the Palo Alto VA hospital for a mandatory IRR muster. Yes, even 2 years after my EAS date I found myself in the presence of officers and senior enlisted Marines alike. This time, however, I was returning as a pseudo-military-celebrity of sorts. I was shown around quite graciously, and was even introduced to Maj. Gen. Garrett, who was honestly really awesome to talk to.
Overall it was pretty great–there’s definitely a sort of nostalgia about being surrounded by like-minded Marines hating life in a suicide-brief. Aside from that though, it was a great opportunity for me to finally talk to a VA doctor–as we all know how much of a pain in the ass it is to set up your VA benefits after you get out. If you need any help getting your benefits set up, I wholly recommend attending one of these if you get the orders.
That wasn’t all the fun I had on Saturday though!
My graphic novel writing course at CCA was holding a student comic fair at The Escapist comic store in Berkeley. Seizing the opportunity, I figured it would be a good chance for me to do something crazy (I haven’t done anything crazy in a while, it was time). I had a couple books to spare, so I decided to do a giveaway. However, this giveaway had a condition:
The first two people to let me draw penises on their foreheads with a Sharpie marker would walk away with a free autographed copy of “KNIFE-HANDS!“
I did this kind of on the fly, so I didn’t give much notice. However, literally 5 minutes after I arrived at the comic store, a soldier (not a Marine) came in and said that he was up to the challenge. I mustered my finest illustrative talents and scrawled a rock-hard, cut phallus on this brave man’s face.
Despite being immensely amused with myself (if you can’t tell from the photo), I had to brave yet another fan willing to be emblazoned with my willie on his dome. This young man (civilian, I think) showed up almost immediately after the soldier here. I asked if he was sure, if he was ready for what was about to happen. He got down on his knees and said to me, “I am ready for this!“
With the one-eyed spitter gracing his scalp, I signed his book and gave it to him in all its glory. Overall, The Escapist comic store trip was a great success. I’d like to thank The Escapist staff for being so cool with the whole dick-scribbling, as well as the fans that showed up and got some swag. I’m looking to set up some more signing-events, with a longer notice, I promise. As a quick shout-out, if you’re looking for a ginormous selection of comics, look no further than The Escapist in Berkeley if you need such things.
Until next time, stay frosty war fighters.