Terminal Lance #3 “Looking Professional”

I always thought it was kind of silly, the things we do in our service uniforms. We can’t have things in our pockets, we can’t carry things in our right hand, we can’t even hold the hand of our loved ones technically. For an organization that prides itself on practicality and adaptability in combat, we practice absolutely none of that when wearing our service uniforms. Above all else, practicality dives off a cliff to it’s gruesome death when you’re wearing a service uniform.

Ironically, the service uniforms are really nothing more than modernized versions of the ones that the Marines of old used to wear every day in combat and elsewhere. Back then however, I don’t think anyone would care if you used your pockets to store items, as that is why they exist. Yes, I am stating this as a fact: Pockets exist to store items on your person. This concept is extremely hard for some of the more hardcore regulation-thumpers to grasp. The idea that you could honestly get in trouble by putting your wallet in your back pocket is completely absurd to anyone outside of the service–but we all know that well enough.

This happens all the time though, getting corrected for doing something that would seem practical enough in your uniform. Not just the Service Alphas, Bravos and Chucks–but in cammies as well. Have you ever tried to put your hands in your pocket on a cold field op? Or tried to wear a backpack or some other carry-able storage device using the straps provided only to be yelled at by some random, butt-hurt Staff NCO? Of course you have, but I think we’re all used to it at this point. Regulations are regulations, and some people truly pride themselves on their ability to point them out to you.

Well I suppose this officially marks the use of profanity in one of my comics. Get used to it, the website is uncensored. If this comic does ever make it to print–which it may or may not–it will be edited for content. While I’m fine with creating a wholesome, widely accessible comic for old men of the Marine Corps to chuckle at, that’s not my target audience.

I find it ironic the Marine Corps tries so hard to hide itself from itself. Who are we fooling? We all know how Marines talk, and my target audience is you. If you’re offended by this, please take a moment to walk over to your nearest infantry battalion’s barracks on a Saturday night and spend 5 minutes in the presence of 400 drunk junior enlisted to remind yourself of what the Marine Corps actually is.

Over and out.