Terminal Lance #463 “Repent”
March 10, 2017
Lance Corporals are my people, but let’s be realistic, they’re a fucking headache.
But that’s why we love them, right? It’s like owning a cat. The cat doesn’t give a shit about you. The cat most likely actively despises you. But still, you feed it, clean up its shit, and give it a warm place to sleep at night because their antics are entertaining. Plus, I mean, someone has to do menial labor around the Corps, and it sure as hell aint gonna be Staff Sergeant.
As the fallout from this whole female Marine nude scandal continues to simmer over the week, I find myself sympathizing with the top having to deal with this shit storm. At a press conference earlier today, General Neller, a 63 year old man, had to field questions from reporters and the highest levels of government because some shit heads decided to share nude photos of women on Facebook. Abstractly, that concept alone is both hilarious and sad, but it makes the comic strip today ring even more true.
Dealing with Lance Corporals is indeed punishment to senior leadership for their sins, in this life and possibly the past.
Repent while you can.
In Abe’s defense though, there could be valuable scientific information gleaned from sleeping inside of a cow like Luke Skywalker in a Hoth snow storm. I’m sure when his paper is published in journals across the nation, he’ll be the last one laughing.