Have you ever noticed that Staff Sergeant always carries that damned clipboard everywhere? There’s an easy way to avoid work in the Marine Corps. Let me share this ancient secret with you:

  • Buy a clipboard.
  • Walk fast everywhere.

This will make you look as important as a Staff NCO. You’ve got shit to do, people can tell because you’re walking fast. You’re important because you carry a clipboard. Seriously, try this technique and you’ll never be bothered on base again. You can do this anywhere, making beer runs to the packy or going to buy a movie at the PX. Walk fast, carry a clipboard.

In all reality, the clipboard probably does just have penis drawings the platoon’s admin info on it for morning roll call or whatever else it is that Staff Sergeants have to keep track of concerning your dumb ass. For as much as I like to make fun of Staff NCO’s and the like, I do genuinely pity them sometimes. When Monday rolls around and you’ve got 7 DUI’s, a pregnant hooker and 3 contract marriages to sign off on, it’s a headache and a half I’m sure. A platoon of infantry Marines don’t make life easy for anyone that seeks to be in charge of them–intentionally or not.

And if it is just dick drawings on that clipboard, more power to him. Let him draw phallic symbols to his heart’s content. He’s been enlisted long enough to have earned that right, and his penile illustrations are probably superior to yours at this point anyway.

In other news, I’ll be doing another Hangout with Google+ in the very near future. Look forward to an announcement and get ready to be schooled by my art-penis.