Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance “Halloween Horrors”

October 31, 2020

While, of course, most people are staying in this year due to the extremely spooky viral pandemic sweeping the nation, if you really want to experience some Halloween Horrors, you can visit any one of your local Marine Corps infantry barracks for some frightful sights. And sounds. And smells.

Though, perhaps, it may be best to leave the kids at home for this one.



Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Happy Halloween 2018”

October 30, 2018

The barracks can be a spooky place. In all reality, standing duty all night can be quite frightening. You often find yourself alone into the wee hours of the morning… You hear a strange noise, so you fulfill your obligations as the only sober person in the barracks and creep your way along the barracks catwalk to see where it came from. You approach the corner hearing a gurgling, wretched sound getting louder and louder. You turn the corner to find…

…A drunk Marine vomiting off the third deck at 2am.

The scariest part? You probably have to clean it up before the OOD comes by.

Other spooky barracks activities include locking your door and hiding under the covers while your drunk seniors bang on the door to drunkenly haze you late at night; or perhaps walking in on your roommate balls deep in a woman that can only be described as a beast of sorts, on your bed, leaving stains on your pillow. Very frightening, indeed.

Happy Halloween.

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Halloween 2017”

October 31, 2017

Too spooky for me.

Is it weird that as I get older I become more and more sympathetic to the plight of the Staff Sergeant? Of course, Terminal Lance will always center around the beautiful species known as the Lance Corporal of Marines, but the few guys I know from my unit that stayed in are now Staff NCO’s themselves. I see them from a distance, aging unnaturally and silently cursing the events that have led them to these moments.

Okay, not really, but still.

Anyway, Happy Halloween! Eat candy or something.

If you couldn’t tell, I’m still hung up on the new Mario game. I thought about starting an official Terminal Lance Mario Kart tournament, but well…

Maximilian

Creator

Terminal Lance “Halloween 2016: Costume”

November 1, 2016

It’s that time of year again, where confused veterans aren’t sure if they should give their child a pass on their costume choice of digital camouflage or post his photo to a stolen valor Facebook page and make him famous. It’s hard to be too angry though, at least the costumes you can buy are loaded with authentic details. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

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Obviously this is a joke, I don’t really have too much important to add to this. In other news, I returned to America the Beautiful this weekend and immediately became stricken with food poisoning, which has been a fun time on my couch playing Battlefield 1 when I’m not vomiting or shitting my pants.

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Me playing Battlefield 1.

 

I should be better within the week though, which is good, because there’s some cool events coming up this weekend!

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I will be at Wordstock Portland Book Festival on Saturday! I’ll be speaking on a panel and there will be a book signing afterward! Click the image above for details.

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…And on Sunday I’ll be at the Texas Book Festival in Austin! I will also be on a panel there, so come by and say hi! Click the image for details.

Needless to say, it’s gonna be a busy weekend, as I’ll be traveling around some more. However, I’ll be back in California and at Camp Pendleton next week on the 11th! More details on that coming soon.

On a side note, I’m still looking for content. What I mean by that is that I’m looking for writers to write op-eds, not your ideas for comic strips and the like. If you’re interested in really writing something for TL, send me an email and send me something funny of yours.

Stay tuned.