Author: Maximilian

Well it’s finally happened you guys. Yesterday, the first female infantry Marines checked into 1st Battalion, 8th Marines at Camp Lejeune.

Now they finally get to understand the prestige of being a grunt in the United States Marine Corps. They’ll get to do such intense physical activities as standing by in their rooms or cleaning weapons at the armory for 7 hours for no particular reason. They’ll spend a bunch of time standing around waiting for formations because First Sergeant and the CO are always late. They’ll completely stop giving a fuck about their careers after a couple of years and do the bare minimum to pass PFT’s and ranges because they just don’t care anymore and their cutting score is fucked anyway.

Welcome to being a grunt.

You’ve earned it.

It’s been a long and controversial journey, one that I don’t think is ultimately going to really change much of anything in the long run, despite keyboard scholars proclaiming otherwise. I was in the Marine Corps infantry myself, and I can tell you that it isn’t spec-ops. Not every grunt can fireman carry another 250 lb Marine in full gear. I had a Marine in my platoon that weighed 120 lbs soaking wet, and there’s no way he could have carried me or anyone else out of a danger zone.

However, there’s ten-thousand other things this Marine could have done in that situation, such as operate a radio or a machine-gun. So don’t worry, the gruntpocalypse isn’t happening quite yet, I’m sure.

We’ll see if these changes stick with the incoming administration, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t. But who knows! If you’re with 1/8 and you have some insight on this story, please shoot me an email off the record and let me know how it’s going.

Congratulations you guys, we all made it out of 2016 alive.

As we enter the new year, please join me in mourning the following things we lost in 2016. Please bow your head out of respect.

Thank you.

The death of desert cammies was a shock to the Marine Corps, and Marines everywhere took it very hard. It’s nothing against Woodlands… They’re cool, I guess… But they just aren’t the same.

In all honesty, 2016 wasn’t a bad year for me personally, despite what the internet keeps saying. I became a New York Times best selling author and got engaged to the girl of my dreams. I expect 2017 to be equally great, as I’ve begun working on a lot of new things–both Terminal Lance and otherwise–that I’m passionate about. Stay tuned, hopefully by the end of the month I’ll be making some cool announcements for some new stuff!

Also, I’d like to apologize for the random redirect ads we’ve been experiencing. Still trying to narrow things down, but hopefully will be resolved shortly.

Just as light cannot exist without dark, OOD’s cannot exist without insane bullshit going on in the barracks to keep them busy. Would there even be a need for an OOD if there weren’t Lance Corporals to fuck with them? No. It is then the responsibility of the barracks Lance Corporal to make sure that government money is being put to good use and give the OOD something to do on Friday nights.

After all, we’ve all had enough 5 hour long PowerPoint presentations on Fraud, Waste and Abuse to know that government resources need to be put to good use.

So buck up, OOD. Just know that we do this to you as a duty to this great nation.

Super late update today, I’m on “leave” myself in Portland visiting family for the holidays, but I’m sure most of you are too drunk on eggnog and PlayStation 4 games to notice. In any case, expect things to return to normal next week.

It’s that time of year, when Marines find themselves home on holiday leave and somehow busier than they were before they left. What is supposed to be a relaxing stay at home turns into nonstop family dinners, running around visiting everyone, and wishing you would have just stayed back at the barracks.

Of course, no one has to take leave, but when you’re a 20 year old Lance Corporal you don’t really think about it like that. Your first thought is always:

I need to get the fuck out of here.

But staying behind isn’t all that bad, since basically the entire Marine Corps is out for the holidays. You might have to check in with your First Sergeant every morning, if he’s even there, but most likely he isn’t going to give any more of a shit than you do about the plan of the day. The only time I ever stayed back in Hawaii for Christmas leave, I ended up with duty once and we had a single formation of about ten guys. First Sergeant didn’t give a fuck. We all went back to our rooms and played video games while saving up for that delicious Terminal leave.

And never forget… Blue shells are the devil’s cock.

doc pls

Medicine in the military is a funny thing. One great and enticing benefit of serving an enlistment is the free medical.

The bennies bring all the boys to the yard.

Unfortunately, even though we all love Doc, “free medical” usually consists of an all-you-can-eat supply of “Motrin” and straws to suck it the fuck up. If you do get to BAS and make it through the cadre of bored Corpsmen to the point that you actually get to see a doctor, he’ll likely give you a once over, call you a pussy, and send you on your way.

Upon second consideration though, maybe this is how medical care should be for everyone. My fiancee is British and works at the NHS, so I’ve gotten quite the earful of stories of lazy fucks who clog up the emergency room for a common cold to get some free ibuprofen (which is cheap and available over the counter). A random aside, but true nonetheless.

Still though, we love Doc, even though he’s gay.

Doc is always gay.

Anyway, this is one of those strips I wrote a long ass time ago that sat around in my sketchbook. I’ve mentioned it before but I do that all the time. I come up with comics that I’ll never use, because by the time I get around to doing it, it’s no longer funny to me since I’ve already heard the joke in my head so many times.

In other news, did you hear the latest rumors from the Lance Corporal Underground? It’s a new segment here at Terminal Lance. Get up to speed here.

On an admin note, TL is always looking for good sponsors and advertising partners. If your brand is a good fit for Terminal Lance, shoot me an email!

Age is a strange thing in the Marine Corps.

I can’t think of many jobs outside of lottery winner that allow you to retire at the age of 38 with a full pension, but the military is a weird place.

On the enlisted side, most people tend to enter the military at the freshly legal age of 18, right out of high school. This leads to a weird skewing of the perception of age within the ranks, where anyone over the age of 22 is considered essentially an old fuck.

Occasionally, you’ll encounter the few and far between that enlist a little later in life, in their mid-twenties, but the feel so old. It’s disgusting.

Okay not really, but I always wonder what it’s like to be an older guy getting yelled at by some 20 year old that can’t even buy alcohol yet. It makes no sense, but many things in the Corps don’t. At least it’s probably not as bad as being the guy that enlists (as opposed to going the officer route) after getting your bachelor’s degree.

That’s just stupid.

On a random note, if this comic’s artwork looks a little funky it’s because I did it at a cafe on my iPad. Still trying to get the hang of the brushes and such in Procreate, still definitely not on the same level as my fluency in Photoshop. I find I definitely get smoother lines out of Photoshop, but I’m not sure if that’s cause of the program or just the size of the display (iPad is smaller than my Cintiq).

Marines accrue 2.5 days of paid leave per month, to a grand total of 120 days of leave for a regular 4 year enlistment. Generally speaking, at least for an infantry company, you can only use those leave days during allowed “leave blocks.” This leads to a natural deluge of requests at around the same time, with everyone waiting anxiously for them to be marked “Approved” on MOL. Of course, the only thing standing in the way of your leave being approved is your chain of command, who always seem to want to make the process as painful as possible.

This becomes tremendously arduous when you’re somewhere like Marine Corps Base Hawaii and have to fly a minimum of 5 hours to get home to anywhere on the mainland. Plane tickets are expensive, and they only get more expensive the longer you wait.

But First Sergeant doesn’t care.

First Sergeant doesn’t give a fuck.

First Sergeant has his entire family on the island and he’s not going anywhere. First Sergeant feeds on the misery of his Marines, it is his lifeblood. He drinks the tears of Lance Corporals as coffee every morning.

Hey, worst case scenario, just spend Christmas in the barracks and save that leave for sweet, sweet Terminal.

In other news, I’m making a conscious effort to get Terminal Lance a little more grounded, back into the menial and every day. I often feel pressured to make every comic strip some grand, sweeping insight over life, rather than just making a funny joke about the every day suck. I suppose that just comes naturally to most creative products, but Terminal Lance is a comic for the Marines by a Marine, and it needs to stay that way.

Stay tuned for more.

Let it be known, thee who mark history, General Mattis has officially been declared the next Secretary of Defense.

And it was good.

Okay I’ll get off the Mattis circle jerk after this one, but it was pretty much impossible for me to avoid the news yesterday that General Mattis was officially declared as the next Secretary of Defense. I mean seriously, like 700 of you assholes sent me articles about it.

It’s incredible though, to be honest, and worth noting that this ecstatic reaction from the military community is for good reason. I’ve seen some naysayers decry this announcement, but on no realistic grounds. Simply put, there is no one better suited for the job of commanding the military than General Mattis.

Very few people are resoundingly and universally loved by their subordinates, but you’d be hard pressed to find anyone with actual military experience (deployments, real work, that kind of thing) disliking him. It wasn’t until after I exited the military that I was even familiarized with him, but after seeing him speak and meeting him face to face more than once, I can safely assure anyone with any doubts that he is the real deal. The hype surrounding him is not because he is a cold-blooded killer, but because he is a pragmatic, intelligent, and honest man. If you’re worried about the implications of a recently separated general being appointed to a top cabinet position: don’t.

General Mattis is not a “yes man”. He’s a “go fuck yourself” man, and we’re all lucky to have someone like that serving in this upcoming administration.

It goes without saying that my hat is off to any veteran of a previous war, even if those hats keep getting bigger and bigger…

I always wonder what veterans of today will look like in 40-50 years. Will we become the distinguished, elderly statesmen of our grandparent generation? Or will we still be rocking Oakleys, full beards and Gruntstyle T-shirts while we call our grand children a pussy ass boot?

No one knows, but I hope it’s the latter.

Anyway, this is an older strip from the Marine Corps Times. Crazy day today dealing with the London US embassy and my British fiancee’s visa. (If you’re at the State Department and want to help a brother out, hit me up)

The green weenie strikes hard and fast, never forget.