Terminal Lance #526 “Good Eats”
August 10, 2018
MRE Menu item 23 has been in development for some 30 years, as scientists scoured the earth to find the right ingredients to make the saddest slice of pizza they could imagine. With a lot of hype, the lauded and dreamlike pizza MRE became a reality this year. This is an actual photo of it:
How sad is the life of a Lance Corporal that this is something people are excited about? When your whole world is shit, the person beating you can give you a piece of candy and you’ll think he’s a really nice guy. It’s like being excited that Buffalo Bill is giving you lotion to put on your skin, because the dirt down here really dried you out. Marines are so elated to eat this thing that it should tell you more about the conditions of being a Marine and less about the quality of the pizza. You’re basically getting leftover refrigerator pizza that’s able to survive at room temperature for 3 years.
With that said, being a Marine sucks, so any bit of goodness is a welcome addition to the lexicon of MRE culinary tricks. Throw some Tabasco and jalapeño cheese spread on that bitch and eat your feelings in the field.