Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance “Assault Weapons”

June 17, 2016

You know how when you watch a movie about the military or war or some such and you always see them shooting fully-automatic M4’s? Yeah that’s bullshit. The Marine Corps infantry is only issued semiautomatic weapons, with the exception of the fully-automatic M249 SAW (Squad Automatic Weapon) and heavier machine-guns.

Firing the semiautomatic M4 is horrifyingly disappointing, menacingly weak, and very very easy. It bruised my ego the first time I shot one, it was as loud as a 5.56 caliber cannon, and I had mild PTSD for the rest of the day whenever someone would show me much cooler fully automatic assault rifles in movies.

Our military needs to look dope as fuck, and you can’t look dope as fuck with semiautomatic weapons. I don’t normally get political here on Terminal Lance, but please urge your congressman to stop doing whatever the fuck it is he does and fix this growing problem with our armed forces.

On an unrelated but equally important note, I will be in Oceanside tomorrow at Barnes & Noble! Come by and say what’s up, I’ll be signing things and looking sexy.

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Oceanside Barnes & Noble