Maximilian

Creator


Terminal Lance #420 “Messing with the Cock-Watch II”

April 12, 2016

Clearly, this is a case of the cock-watch getting his sweet revenge.

They say that the only certainty in life is death. I would argue that for Marines there’s a few more, such as mind-numbing boredom and a mandatory urinalysis after your return from a leave block. With that said, it always blows my mind when Marines actually do “pop” on the urinalysis (positive for drugs). It’s not like it’s a secret, everyone knows that within a few days of returning home you’re going to be tested.

It goes without saying that the Marine Corps and the military at large has a zero tolerance policy for drug use, which you’d think would be common sense, but I’ve personally witnessed a Gunny get busted down to Lance Corporal for cocaine use in Hawaii. Obviously there’s lesser drugs to worry about as well, and while the nation scrambles to figure out the legalities of a certain one, it could still end bad for you if you’re caught.

Still, the mandatory urinalysis is an event in its own right. Marines gather around the company office, standing around and waiting to pee in a cup in the presence of their beloved NCO’s. The worst part is that they always seem to spring it on you right after you’ve already taken your morning piss. You’ll see Marines pounding water down, trying to build up enough liquid excrement to adequately fill up the cup.

No one actually knows how full the cup is supposed to be, but don’t be the one that can only squeeze out a few drops, or else you’ll be sent to the back of the line to try again.