Terminal Lance #396 “Duty Doody”
August 21, 2015
Basically any uniform that isn’t your cammies is a pain in the ass to wear or put on. Even more so, it can quite literally be a pain in your ass to try and take a shit wearing shirt stays and corframs.
There’s a ritualistic process that must be observed when trying to make dookie on duty. You can’t just pull the pants down around your ankles like you normally would, because that might wrinkle them. If it’s anything like you were taught in boot camp, this probably leads you to standing on the toilet seat while awkardly dancing your shoed feet through your olive drab service uniform trousers.
Then, you carefully remove your swass-laden undergarments through your shirt stays (unless you unclip them, which you won’t do, because you’re lazy and they’re a pain in the ass). And so you sit there, with pants completely removed, shoes still on with socks and shirt stays fastened tight. This is of course assuming you haven’t already shit yourself in the time it took you to carefully remove your pants so that you can even sit on the toilet (or head).
It’s not easy, but it must be done. However, you’re most likely better off just waiting until your relief gets there, unless you have to immediately report to the armory to attend a 3 day field op, which is always a possibility.
Fuck my life.
For your weekend liberty brief, I’m going to hand it over to your Platoon Sergeant, good to go?
On a random note, I want to give a shout out to the *Airman, National Guardsman and civilian that stopped an armed gunman on a high speed train to Paris. You guys are the real MVP this week.