Much like a troop of chimpanzees, Marines are very close-knit animals in their natural habitat. Personal boundaries more or less disappear as soon as you step on those yellow footprints, as the next thing you know you’re “nut-to-butt” with the recruit in front of you everywhere you go. Of course, this is the military, and much like any of these team settings, you’ll find yourself on quite a few occasions showering or otherwise naked shoulder-to-shoulder with your compatriots.
I never really played much sports in high school or otherwise (I know, a total shocker coming from the guy that writes and draws for a living). The hyper masculine environment of the Marine Corps was something I had to get used to upon arrival. I remember being really worried about the initial piss test when I first got to boot camp. Why?
Because I used to get the stage fright.
I know, it’s silly, but I was genuinely worried about it going into the Corps. My worries didn’t last though, because a piss test is surprisingly easier to do than I thought it would be when a sweaty drill instructor is screaming at you. After that first day I never had an issue with the stage fright again.
(For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s when a male can’t pee on command if someone is watching or near him. I’m assuming this could happen to women too, but the opportunity probably doesn’t present itself as often, since women’s bathrooms are usually more private in nature).
Still though, there’s some lines you shouldn’t cross. When I was in Iraq in 2007, we had a somewhat… special member of our platoon (who I shan’t name here, though if you were with 3/3 India, you probably know who I’m talking about).
Every night that we were back at Camp Fallujah, he would surely be in the shower trailer stark naked, rubbing himself with cocoa butter. If you’re not familiar with shower trailers, they’re usually split in half; with one half having about 6 individual showers and the other half with sinks and mirrors.
Obviously I make a lot of jokes here, but I am not making this up.
He would be completely nude on the mirror side, rubbing cocoa butter on his soft, flabby skin. If you walked in at the wrong time, he would turn to you and say, “hey bro, can you rub some cocoa butter on my back?”
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